I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 111

Chapter 111

Emery’s POV

63%

Sometimes I feel like our life is some kind of movie being playe to a crowd in space. And when the plot gets boring, the producer panics and drops in a mind-blowing twist just to keep em cheering.

Well… here was mine.

My messy, completely fucked-up plot twist.

Howard stood there, quiet. Too quiet. His eyes bounced between Atlas and me, and the tension in the air felt like it could crack glass.

“Are you looking for something?” I asked, trying way too hard to sound casual, but my voice definitely came out tight. Strained. Like I was holding my breath.

He didn’t answer right away. His gaze dropped low. And when Iollowed it, I realized exactly where he was looking.

Atlas’s hands.

Still wrapped around my waist.

Shit.

Panic set in fast, crawling under my skin like a swarm of fire ants. I reached back instinctively to push Atlas’s hands away, but he didn’t let go.

What the hell is he doing?!

Atlas stayed calm. Unbothered. Hands still casually locked around me like he wasn’t burning holes through the one unspoken rule we’d been living under. And Howard… He blinked slowly, like snapping out of some trance, then looked at me with a smile so forced it actually hurt to see.

“Sam made cookies,” he said, voice too casual. “Told me to let you guys know.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

He nodded back, but his eyes lingered a second longer than they should’ve, still not sparing a single glance at Atlas, before turning and walking away.

The second he rounded the corner, I exhaled like I’d been underwater for a solid minute. My body sagged in relief, but the anxiety didn’t leave.

I spun to face Atlas, smacking his chest. “What the hell was that? Why didn’t you let go?”

He didn’t get a word in before I kept going, full steam ahead.

“No, seriously, Atlas….what if he knows? No, scratch that, I’m sure he knows! God…what are we gonna do? What if he tells someone? What if it gets around? What if people…”

“Em.”

I didn’t stop.

“What if Daisy finds out? Or my dad? Or…”

“Emery,” Atlas said again, firmer this time, hands gripping my shoulders.

1/5

11:09 Tue, Jan 20 D

Chapter III

“You’re spiraling.”

63%

I opened my mouth to argue, but then I looked at him. His gray yes were calm, grounding. He wasn’t panicked. He wasn’t freaking out. He was just steady.

My brain finally hit pause.

I shut my eyes and took a shaky breath. His thumbs moved gently along my arms, grounding me. When I opened my eyes. again, he was still there, waiting. Always waiting.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said softly.

His voice wrapped around me like a blanket. My shoulders dropped. The knot in my chest loosened just a little.

I nodded, lips pressing into a small smile. “Yeah.”

He smiled back and leaned in like he was going to kiss me, but instead, he bumped his forehead gently against mine and whispered, “Now let’s go have some cookies before Sam starts yelling.”

A laugh bubbled out of me before I could stop it. “God, she really would yell over cookies.”

“Exactly.” Atlas slid his hand into mine, squeezing it.

And we walked back together.

****

The good news? Howard didn’t say a word about what he saw in the hallway. The bad news? It was awkward as hell, and the guilt? Yeah, it was eating me alive.

At first, I told myself I was overreacting. That maybe Howard just assumed Atlas, and I had gotten closer with our parents’ wedding around the corner. Siblings could be close, right? We could’ve been having a casual moment. A weird, overly affectionate, back-hugging, slightly flushed, emotionally charged moment…

Yeah, no.

No one would’ve seen that and thought, aw, cute step-siblings bending…It felt intimate.

And Howard wasn’t stupid.

I watched him laugh at something Omar said, head tilted back, dimples flashing. But then, just like that, his eyes cut to mine. And I panicked. Looked away so fast I might’ve gotten whiplash.

My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I stared down at the drink in my hand like it held all the answers.

Across the room, Atlas caught my eye. He gave me a small smile soft, reassuring, like a secret only we shared.

I smiled back.

Maybe it was good Howard saw what he saw.

Maybe it would help him finally let go.

Maybe it would save us both from more awkward tension and wird silences.

But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Eventually, the noise of the room drowned out the thoughts in my head. We all joked around, cheered when Omar landed a perfect headshot in the game, teased Ford when he got way too to trash talk. It was fun. Mostly.

2/5

11:09 Tue, Jan 20 G.

Chapter lil

ས ཏཱི 63%=

Then I saw Howard near the kitchen, talking to Jazz. He looked normal. Like nothing happened. But something had.

I stood up before I could chicken out and walked toward them, alms slightly clammy, heart in full percussion mode.

“Hey,” I said, voice soft but steady.

He glanced over. “Hi.”

His expression was unreadable. Not cold, just…closed.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, forcing a small smile. “Um, can we talk?”

Jazz’s eyes flicked between us. She gave a little nod, said nothing and peeled away toward Sam.

Howard nodded once. “Sure.”

*****

Finally, I was standing out on the balcony with Howard. Now I should’ve said something, right?

But I didn’t.

My heart was beating like crazy, and I couldn’t even look at him. You didn’t murder someone, Emery. The voice in my head said.

Yeah, but I hurt him.

“I… um… what I was trying to say is…”

Nope. The words didn’t come. They got stuck somewhere in my throat, tangled up with guilt and nerves.

Why was this so hard?

I’d rejected guys before. I’d done the you’re amazing but speech So why did this one feel like I was ripping something good apart?

I opened my mouth again, bracing myself to finally say it, but Howard beat me to it.

“Wanna hear something crazy?”

I blinked, surprised, and finally looked at him. “Uh… sure?”

He leaned in like he was about to tell me some ancient prophecy

“Grams believed that if your bellybutton itched, someone you hate just got a haircut.”

Silence.

My brain goes blank for a second. Wait…what did he just…

I laughed. Like, full on laughed. And I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I was wiping a tear from the corner of my eye.

“That’s… impressively useless.”

“Hey, she was never wrong,” he said with a shrug, grinning, “I tesed it once. Chad came back to school bald.”

I smiled, shaking my head as the tension melted off my shoulders. And just like that, the knot in my chest loosened. We stood in silence for a second, watching the night stretch out acres the sky, and then he said quietly,

3/5

11:09 Tue, Jan 20D G.

Chapter 111

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