I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Atlas’s POV

The darkness.

The silence.

The fear of the unknown.

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My arms curled tighter around my legs, nails digging into the back of my calves as my body shook, heart pounding so hard

it echoed in my ears. My breath came fast, uneven. I wanted to stream. I wanted to disappear.

Please, I begged silently, my voice stuck in my throat. Whoever’s up there… please… please don’t let him…

The door slammed open.

That grin.

Those red eyes.

The twisted delight on his face.

“There you are, b…”

I shot upright in bed, lungs gasping like I’d just resurfaced from drowning. My heart was going a mile a minute, my shirt clinging to my skin with sweat. That damn dream again.

Same one.

Same ending.

Same helpless feeling.

I dragged a shaky hand through my hair, pressing it to the back of my neck as I tried to steady my breathing. The silence in the room was deafening.

Finally, I swung my legs off the bed and stood, walking over to my nightstand. I grabbed the bottle of pills, twisted off the cap with too much force, and tossed two in my mouth, chasing them down with water that was now lukewarm.

Didn’t matter.

I stripped down and headed to the bathroom, letting the cold shower blast against my skin. I stood there for a long time, water pouring over my head, dripping down my back, but it did nothing.

Didn’t take the edge off.

Didn’t quiet the memory.

Didn’t erase his voice.

So I did what I always did-I ran.

Laced up my shoes and hit the pavement, letting my feet carry the pain. My legs burned, my lungs ached, and I pushed harder. The city blurred past me, and I didn’t stop until I could breathe.

Then came the ice.

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15 03 Mon, Dec 29

Chapter 13

My escape My sanctuary.

Helmet on. Stick in hand. Puck gliding beneath my blade like second nature.

Focus.

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I flew across the rink, my skates slicing through the surface. As I heared the net, the image came again-his face, those fucking eyes that looked like mine.

My grip tightened. Rage boiled in my chest.

I swung.

The puck slammed into the net with a crack, slicing through the cold silence.

“Yes, baby!” Ford hollered from the other side of the rink, arms thrown in the air like he just scored a game-winner. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

I pulled off my helmet, chest rising and falling, a smirk pulling as the corner of my mouth. My hair was damp with sweat, but at least now the shaking had stopped.

Skating over to him, I raised a brow. “That stopwatch again?”

Ford grinned like a lunatic, holding it up. “Six-point-eight seconds. Beast mode activated. If I had tits and a vagina, I’d be throwing myself at you right now.”

I grabbed my water bottle and took a long swig. “That’s disgusting, dude.”

Ford shrugged. “What? You saying you wouldn’t hit it if I looked like Margot Robbie?”

I grabbed my water bottle, twisting the cap off with a scoff. “Ford never compare yourself to the queen.”

He gasped, then placed a hand under his chin like he was posing for a perfume ad. “Oh, come on. You don’t see it? Something?” He turned to the side like we were doing a Vogue shoot in a locker room.

I snorted. “In your dreams, big guy.”

Ford clutched his chest like I’d just stabbed him. “Wow. That hurt. This face”…he pointed dramatically to his own mug… “is hot in every gender, thank you very much.”

“Please tell me Ford isn’t talking about being hot again,” Howard said as he walked into the locker room, towel over one shoulder.

“He is,” I muttered.

“Just stating facts,” Ford said with a smirk.

Omar followed behind, already rolling his eyes. “How do we say his without being mean… oh wait, we don’t care.”

Ford clucked his tongue. “Tsk. You of all people love me best.” He pointed a finger at Omar.

Omar didn’t even glance back, just flipped him the bird.

They were always like this.

Banter. Jokes. Endless teasing.

It was loud and stupid and chaotic.

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Mon, Dec

Chapter 13

But it helped

Omar headed toward the showers, muttering something under s breath.

“I’m coming, baby!” Ford called after him in a sing-song voice.

“I’ll cut your balls off if you even step near me,” Omar replied without looking.

“I love you too!” Ford sang, following him with a bounce in his sp.

Howard and I burst out laughing, shaking our heads.

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This team was insane. But in the best way. Ford may be the clow, but on the ice? He was sharp, focused, dangerous. People underestimated him until they were laid out on their asses.

Howard leaned back against his locker, still grinning. “Man, they re like an old married couple.”

I shook my head, a low chuckle slipping out. “More like a circus act.”

Howard tilted his head, studying me for a second before his grin softened. “By the way, Coach wants to see you before you head out.”

“Got it,” I said, reaching into my locker. I shut the metal door with a clang and slung my duffel over my shoulder, ready to head out.

But Howard didn’t move. He lingered, his eyes narrowing just slightly. “Hey, Cap…. you okay? You seemed more tense on the ice today. Like… more than usual.”

I froze for half a second, but forced a smile as I zipped up my bag. My face had years of practice hiding cracks. “Yeah,” I said lightly, giving him a quick nod. “Thanks.”

Howard didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push. That was one hing about Ramirez-he knew when to back off.

I started for the door, then paused and turned, walking backward a couple steps. “Oh, and hey, Ramirez-”

Howard glanced up, eyebrows raised.

“Next time you’re late for practice, you’re doing sixty laps.”

A grin spread across his face, dimples cutting deep into his cheeks. “Aye, Captain.”

I let out a small laugh, shaking my head as I turned back around, heading down the hall toward Coach’s office.

I pushed the door open and found Coach Ramirez hunched ove his laptop, glasses sliding halfway down his nose. His eyes flicked up and, just like that, his whole face lit with a smile.

“Lawson. Just the man I need.”

I let a grin tug at my lips as I dropped into the chair across from him. My hand automatically reached for the little jar on his desk. Favorite candies. Always there. I popped one into my mouth, letting the sugar melt on my tongue.

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