I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 151

Chapter 151

Atlas POV

After another minute of her breathing evening out, she finally whispered, “Okay… I’m ready.”

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I nodded, throat tight, and stepped back to give her space. She let the towel drop. And she stood there with nothing on.

If I told you I wasn’t affected, I’d be lying through my teeth.

I’d dreamed for years about seeing her like this, her skin, the soft flush of it, the way my hands would fit on her like they used to. I’d wanted to hold her, kiss her, learn every inch again.

But tonight wasn’t about what I wanted. Tonight was about making her feel safe.

Her cheeks were pink when her gaze finally met mine, like she was daring herself not to flinch.

“Could you… help with my prosthetic?” she asked softly. “I don’t like taking a bath with it sometimes.”

“Yeah,” I said quickly, voice rough. “Of course.”

I moved fast, not because I was rushing her, because if I slowed down, my brain would do something stupid. I crouched, focused on the straps and the latch like my life depended on it. I eased it off carefully and set it aside.

Then I cleared my throat and looked away. “Excuse me.”

Before she could argue, I lifted her, bridal style.

She made a small sound, surprised, her hands grabbing my shoulders.

“Atlas…”

“I’ve got you,” I murmured, carrying her into the bathroom.

I lowered her slowly into the warm bath, careful with her, like she was something fragile. Like my hands were steady even when my heart wasn’t. The second the water touched her skin, she let out a long, shaky exhale and closed her eyes.

“God…” she breathed. “That feels… so good.”

It took everything in me not to stare. I turned my head just enough to give her privacy, even though my body was screaming about how close she was. I stayed right there anyway, because leaving her alone in that tub…even for a minute, felt impossible.

A few minutes passed. I reached for the shampoo, poured some into my palm, and hesitated.

“Okay?” I asked quietly.

She nodded and then she closed her eye

back.

So I moved behind her and worked the shampoo through her hair slowly. Gentle. Careful. Like I was trying to wash the fear out, not just the day. Her shoulders loosened under my hands. Then she made a soft little sound again, relieved, almost sleepy.

“Yesss,” she groaned. “This is… so nice.”

I couldn’t help the faint smile that tugged at my mouth.

“I’m glad,” I said softly. “You deserve nice.”

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11:57 Wed, Feb 25 MB.

Chapter 151

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When I was done, I rinsed her hair with the handheld sprayer, keeping my touch respectful, efficient, not letting my mind go anywhere it shouldn’t.

When she finally finished, I helped her out, wrapped her in a towel, and carried her back to the bedroom like I refused to let the ground steal her balance again.

I found soft blue pajamas in her things, comfy and hopefully would help her sleep well. Then I tucked her into bed like she was the most important thing in the world.

I stepped back and exhaled.

“I’m gonna stay on the couch,” I said.

Her brow lifted. “No.”

I blinked. “No?”

“There’s a king-sized bed, Atlas,” she said, like I was being ridiculous. “It’s more than enough for two people.” She paused, eyes steady on mine. “And it’s not like this is the first time we’ve shared a bed.”

My brain immediately started listing every reason this could go sideways. My body immediately responded with “shut up.”

And somehow, a minute later, I was down to my boxers and sliding under the covers beside her, keeping a respectful space, hands on top of the blanket like I was a saint.

She turned her head toward me, a small smile playing on her lips.

“Much better?” she asked softly.

“Always better,” I admitted, voice low.

The room settled.

Quiet… Safe. It felt like our old bubble, just us, away from the world, away from the noise that always tried to pull us apart

Her breathing slowed again. Then she glanced up at me, eyes gentler now.

“So…” she said quietly. “How was the press conference?”

I let out a breath, staring up at the ceiling for a second like the answer was written there.

“It was… fine,” I said. “Boring. A bunch of cameras and the same five questions asked in different fonts.”

She huffed a tiny laugh.

I looked over at her. “You would’ve hated it.”

“No,” she whispered, lips twitching. “I would’ve roasted you after

I smiled faintly. “Yeah, you would’ve.”

A beat passed. My voice lowered.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I admitted, the words coming out before I could filter them. “I tried. I really did.”

Her lashes fluttered.

“I kept checking my phone,” I continued, swallowing hard. “Every time it buzzed, my heart jumped like an idiot.” I exhaled. “Then it wasn’t you… and I just, something felt off.”

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11:57 Wed, Feb 25 MOB

Chapter 151

Her expression softened, but there was guilt there too. Like she hated that she needed this.

“You shouldn’t have left,” she whispered.

“I know,” I said immediately. No defensiveness. No excuses. Just the truth. “I know.”

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Her eyes welled up,

and she looked away like she didn’t want me to see it. I reached out slowly, not touching her right away, just giving her the choice, then I brushed my knuckles against her hand under the blanket.

“Hey,” I murmured. “You don’t have to be tough with me.”

Her throat moved as she swallowed.

“I’m not trying to be tough,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” I said gently. “You are.”

She let out a shaky breath, then finally turned her face back toward mine “It’s just…” Her voice came out small, rough around the edges. “We’ve grown, Atlas. And I’m pretty sure you’ve met amazing women and I just…” She swallowed hard, blinking fast like she hated the sting in her eyes. “I didn’t want you to see me as some weak, nineteen-year-old Emery.”

That hit me straight in the chest.

I turned onto my side, facing her fully. My brows pulled together, not in anger, just in that helpless kind of ache when the person you love says something that’s been hurting them for way too long.

“Em,” I said quietly.

She kept going, words spilling now that she’d cracked the door open. “Back then I was… I don’t know. Softer. Easier. I didn’t have to think so much.” Her voice shook a little. “Now it’s like everything takes effort. Being okay takes effort.”

I didn’t interrupt. I didn’t joke. I didn’t try to fix it in one sentence. I just watched her face, every little twitch of her mou every shaky breath, memorizing it, because she was finally letting me in.

“You didn’t want me to see you weak?” I repeated, my voice low.

She nodded once, quick. “Yeah.”

I let out a breath and shook my head slowly. “Emery… I have never…” My throat tightened. I had to swallow before I could finish. “I have never looked at you and thought weak.”

Her eyes flicked up to mine, uncertain.

“You wanna know what I thought?” I asked.

She didn’t speak. Just waited.

I shifted closer, not touching her yet, giving her space even when every part of me wanted to pull her into my chest.

“I thought you were the strongest person I’d ever met,” I said. “Even at nineteen. Even when you were falling apart. You still got up. You still kept going. That isn’t weakness.”

Her lips trembled like she was trying not to cry.

“And yeah,” I added, softer, “I’ve met women. Plenty of them. Great women.” I shrugged a little, like it didn’t even matter. “But none of them were you.”

Her breath hitched.

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11:57 Wed Feb 25 MOB

Chapter 151

I leaned in my voice dropping to something honest and raw.

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“I didn’t stay alone because I didn’t have options, Em,” I said. I saved alone because every time I tried to move on, my brain dad this stupid thing where it compared them to you.” My jaw clenched. “And nobody ever came close.

She stared at me, eyes tearing up.

“I’m not here because I pity you.” I said, voice rough “I’m not here because you’re weak. I’m here because you’re you. Because L…

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