I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 192

Chapter 192

Emery’s POV

Nobody tells you what it feels like to come back.

Not just to the water, but to yourself.

I finished my lap and touched the wall, surfacing slow, and just stayed there for a second. The water was cool and quiet around me and I felt…I don’t know… like something that had been clenched in my chest for months finally let go. I wasn’t fighting it anymore. I was just swimming.

I pushed my goggles up and my eyes found Atlas before I even thought about it. He was standing at the edge of the pool deck, arms crossed, wearing that small private smile he didn’t hand out to just anyone. When our eyes met, he nodded once, slow, and I felt warmth move through me that had nothing to do with exercise.

“And that was amazing, Miss Collins.”

I turned to Coach Tony. He had his clipboard tucked under his arm and he was nodding the way he only did when he actually meant it.

I let out a breath. Two weeks. It’d been exactly two weeks since I slid my resignation letter under Tommy’s door and two weeks since I started clawing my way back. It wasn’t pretty. There were days the voices got loud and the doubt sat heavy on my chest like something I couldn’t shake off. But then my phone would buzz…a voice note, a text, sometimes just you’ve got this, and just like that, I could breathe again.

He wasn’t always here in person but Atlas had a way of showing up anyway.

I climbed out, sat on the edge, and reattached my prosthetic without making a production of it. Stood up, rolled my shoulders and walked over to Coach Tony.

“Soon you’ll be back in like you never left,” he said.

“Thanks, Coach.” I meant that genuinely. Coach Tony didn’t do empty compliments so when he said something you held onto it.

He headed off toward the other end of the pool and I turned back to Atlas. He’d drifted closer without me noticing. I walked right up to him and kissed him, simple as anything.

Thanks. Helped having my special anchor here.”

He smiled but pulled back just enough to look at me. “You would’ve killed it with or without me, baby.” No ego in it. Just straight facts. “But I’m glad I get to be your anchor.”

“Always will be,” I said quietly. I patted his chest once and stepped back before he could see just how much I meant that. “Okay – give me two minutes. I need to get dressed.”

His eyebrows went up about a half second before the grin followed. “Need a hand?”

I pointed at him, already backing toward the locker room door, fighting a smile so hard my cheeks hurt.” Tempting. Genuinely tempting. But Coach Tony does not need to see what that turns into.”

He groaned dramatically and I was already grinning walking into the locker room, wet footprints following me across the tile.

Some days getting back was a fight.

Today? Today felt like winning.

****

After practice, we grabbed a quick lunch, but Atlas had to head straight back to the rink, bigger game coming up meant extra ice time. I didn’t mind. It gave me the afternoon to get my shit together.

First stop: the lingerie store. I walked out with a sinful red lace set that I knew was gonna leave him speechless and begging. Then the salon for a quick refresh, and finally the waxing appointment. Yeah… I was getting every inch smooth because tonight was finally having with Atlas again.

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Chapter 192

I had the whole night planned out in my head – candles flickering everywhere, rose petals scattered across his bed, soft lighting, the red lingerie doing exactly what it was made for. A whole seductive moment.

Just picturing it made my face flush hot. I caught myself grinning like an idiot in the car mirror. Ugh, get it together, Emery. You’re not some horny high schooler. This isn’t your first time, and it sure as hell isn’t your first time with him.

But it had been ten damn years. Ten years.

Sure, I’d been with other guys on those desperate nights when I was lonely as hell or when Atlas wouldn’t get out of my head no matter how hard I tried to fuck him out of it. But honestly? None’ of them ever made me feel good. Not really. I’d gotten scarily good at faking orgasms…it was practically an Olympic sport at this point. Tonight, though? I wanted the real thing. A real orgasm. From him. And the thought had me equal parts excited and terrified.

Why the hell am I so nervous? I didn’t have an answer. I just took a deep breath, trying to shake it off. Whatever happens, do not mess this up.

I parked, smoothed my dress down with slightly shaky hands, and headed up to his penthouse like I had my shit together.

The second I walked in, Atlas was coming out of the kitchen, water bottle in one hand, hair still damp from the shower. A couple droplets slid down the side of his neck and rolled down his chest which I shamelessly stared at until I couldn’t see it. He looked stupidly hot in just sweats, like he hadn’t even tried.

He saw me and that slow, crooked smile spread across his face, the one that always made the corners of his eyes crinkle and my stomach flip.

“Hey,” he said, voice low and warm.

“Hi,” I squeaked, way too pitchy. I cleared my throat fast, cheeks burning. “How was practice?”

“Great.” His gaze moved over me, slow and appreciative, that little smile still playing on his lips. “Your hair looks amazing.”

“Oh… this?” I reached up and touched the fresh waves, feeling my face get even hotter. “I just dyed the roots a

little. You like it?”

Instead of answering, he set the water bottle down and walked straight toward me. His hand slid around my waist, fingers splaying wide and possessive as he pulled me in. Then he kissed me.

It was supposed to be sweet, just a soft little peck so I could excuse myself, slip into the red lingerie, light the candles, scatter the roses… all of it.

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