I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Emery POV

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I always said I’d stop drinking. Every single time. Because the hangovers? Brutal. Like “rip-your-own-head-off-and-yeet-it- into-the-sun” brutal. But did that stop me? Of course not. Because I thought, eh, one more drink won’t hurt, right?

No.

WRONG.

Absolutely fucking WRONG!!!

Because this time… I didn’t just get a hangover that made my skull feel like it was tap dancing to death metal. No. This time, I woke up to something far, far worse. My eyes were glued shut, my entire body stiff like I’d been embalmed. I couldn’t breathe. My soul practically screamed.

Please let this be a dream. Please, please, I’ll never drink again, I wear to God. I’ll eat vegetables. I’ll delete Tinder. I’ll call my Dad back faster. Just let this not be real.

I cracked one eye open. Then the other. My heart dropped to my stomach. Lying next to me, shirtless, passed the hell out, hair a mess like he just stepped off a Calvin Klein shoot…was Atlas.

Atlas.

Fucking. Lawson.

I held my breath, afraid even the slightest movement would wake him. Slowly, I lifted the blanket.

Oh God.

The air hit me in the worst way possible.

Yup. Naked.

Yup. No panties.

Yup. Absolutely doomed.

I clenched my jaw and tiptoed off the bed like I was in a damn horror movie. My dress was crumpled on the floor. I grabbed it and scanned the room, internally sobbing when I couldn’t find my thong.

Gone. MIA. Probably dead.

I needed to leave before Atlas woke up and made this more awkward than it already was, which felt impossible, but I wasn’t about to test fate. Once I made it back into my room and shut the door, I let out the breath I’d been holding since 1782.

Then I did the only thing that made sense. I faceplanted onto my bed, shoved my pillow over my head, and screamed into it like a banshee.

***

The good news? No swimming practice today.

The bad news?

Atlas fucking Lawson, my father’s girlfriend’s son, the boy I wasupposed to hate, despise, and maybe lightly glare at across the dinner table, went down on me.

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Chapter 21

Like, down… DOWN. Tongue. Moans. Fucking everything.

And me?

Oh, I begged.

“The only thing I want right now is a fucking orgasm.”

WHO EVEN SAYS THAT??

My head hit the table with a dull thud.

Then again.

And again.

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“Okay, chill, self-sabotage queen,” Jazz muttered, sticking her hand between my forehead and the table before I slammed it again. “Are you okay? Or is this just a new technique to get rid of a hangover?”

Before I could respond, Sam stumbled in, looking like she’d gone three rounds with a blender.

“I swear I am never going to Ford’s party again,” she groaned.

“Babe, same,” Jazz said, rubbing her temples. “What even is this mangover? I feel like I licked a car battery.”

They kept talking, at least, I think they did. Their mouths were definitely moving. But I zoned out. Because all I could see was Atlas. His head. Between my thighs. The way he looked at me, like I was something forbidden he couldn’t stay away from. Like I was his.

The feel of his mouth…

The strength of his hands pinning my hips…

The heat still lingered between my legs like he’d branded me.

A whimper escaped my throat before I could stop it. I snapped my legs closed under the table.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Yo, Em, you good?” Sam asked, staring at me.

I nodded way too fast, eyes wide. “Totally. Great. Never better.”

“You look red. Like, are-you-about-to-hurl red,” Jazz said, reaching across the table and pressing her palm to my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

Before I could come up with some stupid excuse like, I ate bad eggs or my horoscope told me to panic today…

“Emmy bear!!!”

No…God, no.

I looked up, ignoring the blonde hair that called my name, and cused on the brunette standing right beside him, his eyes staring at me…

Atlas.

My mouth went dry. I stood up so fast my chair screeched again the floor. “I…I have class.”

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Chapter 21

Jazz blinked. “But… we have the same schedule?”

“Extra credit,” I blurted, grabbing my bag like it could shield me from the embarrassment crawling down my spine. “I signed up for this tutoring thing, gotta run.”

Sam raised a brow. Tutoring? For what subject: You literally tutor us.”

But I was already backing away, eyes locked on the floor, heart pounding like it was trying to launch itself out of my chest. I didn’t dare look at Atlas again.

Because if I did.

I might remember exactly how it felt.

How I sounded.

How I came completely undone with his mouth on me.

And I might never stop.

I spent the entire day dodging Atlas like he had the goddamn plague.

Hallway? I turned the other way.

Class? I pretended I had a cold and sat two rows behind him with a hoodie pulled over my head like I was invisible.

Cafeteria? Forget it, I literally ate an energy bar in a bathroom stall like some heartbroken gremlin.

Call it extreme. Call it ridiculous. I call it survival.

Because staying in that apartment with him? Being in the same airspace after last night?

Absolutely not.

Being in the same space would mean talking about last night. And there was no way, zero freaking chance, I was ready to look him in the eye and say:

“Hey, remember when I begged you for an orgasm while we were drunk out of our minds? Twice?”

Yeah. No. Not happening.

So, naturally, I did what any emotionally unstable girl would do after accidentally hooking up with her dad’s girlfriend’s son. I booked a hotel room. One night turned into two. Now I’m staring at the ceiling of this overpriced room like maybe I should just live here forever.

How would I even explain this to my dad?

“Hey, Dad. I sort of… maybe… possibly got off thanks to your girlfriend’s son, and now I’m spiraling. So I moved into a hotel to rethink all my life choices. Cool? Cool.”

I let out a groan and flopped face-down onto the bed, the mattress muffling my scream.

“I hate my life,” I muttered into the pillow.

I closed my eyes, hoping to nap off the mess that was my life.

Big mistake.

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Chapter 21

Because the second my eyelids dropped, there he was.

Atlas.

Shirtless. Hair messy like I remembered it. Lips glistening like they’d just been on me, because, well… they had.

You’re dripping… so beautiful…

Fuck, Emery…

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Before I could stop myself, my legs squeezed together on instinct, searching for the tiniest bit of friction. And when a soft moan actually slipped out of me?

My eyes flew open.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” I muttered, sitting up way too fast and nearly giving myself a brain sprain. Nope. No more lying around. No more thinking. If I stayed in this bed for another minute, I was going to lose my freaking mind. I needed air. I needed distraction. I needed chlorine. Throwing on my swimsuit and oversized tee, I grabbed a towel and headed for the pool.

***

Just like always, the water calmed me down.

I dove in, letting the chill wrap around me like a second skin. My arms sliced through the water, legs kicking in rhythm as I swam from one end of the pool to the other. Freestyle. Focused. Free. If reincarnation were real, I was definitely coming back as a fish. I went under again, holding my breath. Letting the silence soak in. It was peaceful. Too peaceful.

Then he crept in again. Those stupid hazel eyes. The way he looked at me like I was something fragile and forbidden. The way his mouth felt against…

Nope.

No. Stop it.

I shut my eyes tighter under the water, trying to push the heat rising in my chest away. But it didn’t help. He was there, in my head, in my body, everywhere.

And then….

My eyes

fluttered open.

What the…

There he was. In the pool. Hair wet, lips parted, hazel eyes locked on me like I was the only person in the world. I shot up out of the water, gasping for air, heart slamming against my ribs. My hair stuck to my face, eyes blinking the water out, and still-he was there.

“Atlas?” I croaked. “What are you-”

“Shit,” he cut me off, voice sharp. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

I blinked. “What?”

“I called your name like three times. You didn’t come up. I thought something-” He stopped himself, running a hand through his wet hair. “I thought something bad happened.”

I didn’t know what to say. My throat tightened. Why was he ever here? How did he find me? And why the hell did his voice sound like he actually cared?

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Chapter 21

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