I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 61

Chapter 61

Chapter 61

Atlas POV

I found her.

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Leaning against the balcony, arms resting on the rail, hair catching the soft breeze like some damn movie moment. That green dress was dangerous, flowing, silky, hugging in all the right places. She looked like a dream. Correction: my dream.

And honestly? I should’ve just walked the hell away.

But I didn’t.

I stepped out anyway, heart thumping like it was trying to make a break for it. The night air was cool, but I was already warm, flushed from guilt, nerves, and how stupidly good she looked in moonlight.

“Jazz band’s playing so loud I think I can hear my ancestors calling,” I said, casually leaning beside her, like I hadn’t just spent the last hour mentally beating myself up.

Emery snorted…snorted, and God, I could breathe again.

“Yeah, the second I saw the live band, I knew Dad was gonna go full fanboy mode.”

I chuckled, the tension between my shoulders easing just a little. “He was two seconds away from jumping on stage with the sax.”

That earned a full laugh. Her eyes crinkled at the corners, the corners of her lips curling up, and I almost forgot why we were even fighting.

Almost.

Then came the silence.

The awkward, thick, what now? silence.

“I’m sorry, Em…”

“I think I over…” she said at the exact same time.

We both stopped. Laughed. And it did something to my chest, something I didn’t want to name.

“You first,” she said softly, eyes on mine now.

I rubbed the back of my neck, exhaling, “I was an ass. I didn’t mean to bring up Howard like that. I was just caught off guard. And jealous. And stupid.”

She shook her head, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “No, I shouldn’t have brought it up so suddenly. It was random and weird and I just blurted it.”

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Chapter 61

“Don’t apologize,” I said, stepping closer. “I get it. I do. And honestly? You were right.”

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She hesitated, just for a beat. And I saw it, the flicker in her eyes. Sadness. Doubt. Something fragile.

Then it vanished behind a small smile. “Yeah… for sure.”

I didn’t believe that smile.

But I smiled back anyway.

She looked up at the sky, arms folded gently, skin glowing under the starlight. “The stars look beautiful tonight.”

I didn’t even glance up.

“The most beautiful,” I said, eyes still locked on her.

Her head turned toward me, brows raised slightly, until she saw I was staring.

She flushed. A slow, soft, pink rush blooming across her cheeks.

Fuck. I loved that. Loved when she looked at me like that. When her mouth twitched, when her lashes lowered, when she didn’t know what to do with her hands.

I had to drag my brain out of the damn gutter before I did something dumb.

“You look beautiful,” I said, voice lower than I meant it to be.

She smiled, brushing a hand down her dress. “Thank you… You clean up well too.”

“Thanks.” I chuckled, then added with a smirk, “But if we’re being honest, I think the green dress wins tonight.”

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling now, really smiling.

And just for a second, I let myself imagine kissing her under the stars. Slow, sweet, like the kind of moment you pretend doesn’t matter, even though it does.

Then she moved. Walked right up to me. So close I forgot how to fucking breathe.

“You’ve got something here,” she murmured, lifting up on her toes.

Her fingers brushed through my hair, soft and warm, and I couldn’t even focus on what the hell she was talking about. I didn’t care. I couldn’t. Not when her perfume was doing unspeakable things to my brain. Not when her lips were that close. God, they looked soft.

“There,” she said, smiling.

But then she looked up… and froze.

Her eyes widened just slightly, just enough to tell me she noticed how close we were.

15:11 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 61

She didn’t pull away.

Didn’t move an inch.

“Emery…” I whispered, voice hoarse.

“Kiss me,” she breathed.

And fuck if I didn’t lose all sense of reason.

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I grabbed her gently but urgently, pulling her toward the pillar and pressing her against it, just out of view. My lips crashed onto hers, greedy and aching and desperate. She kissed me back harder, like she’d been starving just as much.

There was a groan, maybe mine, maybe hers-probably both.

Her hands tangled in my hair as her mouth moved against mine, deeper, hotter. I pressed my body into hers, trying not to lose control but failing miserably. She tasted too damn good.

I lifted her easily, her back against the wall, her legs wrapping around my waist like muscle memory.

When I sucked on her lower lip, she groaned, head tipping back slightly, chest pressed to mine.

“I take it back,” she said between ragged breaths. “We get… to see other people. But we don’t stop whatever this is.”

My mouth hovered just inches from hers, eyes locked on that perfect face.

“Deal.”

And then I kissed her harder, like I could seal the promise with my mouth.

It was messy. Wild. Addictive. Everything I swore I wasn’t supposed to have.

And yet, I didn’t want it to end.

Even if it meant she’d be with someone else. Even if it meant I had to pretend it didn’t wreck me. I was still glad I got to have this part of her.

Yeah. Pathetic.

But I didn’t give a damn.

Eventually, we broke apart, panting, lips swollen, her dress rumpled in the best kind of way, Emery leaned her forehead against mine, trying to breathe.

“Okay,” she whispered, chest rising and falling. “I should get back in before they send out a search party.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, still holding her waist because letting go felt physically painful.

She smoothed down her dress, fixed her hair, gave me a look that screamed don’t say anything stupid, and

15:12 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 61

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turned on those long legs of hers. I watched her go, watched the sway of her hips, the calm she pretended to wear like armor. Only I knew the truth: she was just as wrecked as I was.

I gave it five minutes.

Five whole minutes of pacing the damn balcony, running a hand through my hair, cursing the fact that I didn’t say don’t go or stay with me tonight or any of the thirty other things crawling up my throat.

When I finally walked back in, she was already seated, sipping water, face neutral, but I saw it.

That almost-smile.

That twitch at the corner of her lips like she was fighting to keep our secret tucked behind her teeth.

My heart did this stupid happy flip.

No one seemed to notice the sexual tension crackling between us. Rory and my mom were deep into a conversation, heads slightly leaned in. The jazz band had finally packed it up, thank God, and dessert plates had been cleared.

It looked like a perfectly normal family dinner.

Except I’d just made out with my not-girlfriend on a damn balcony, and I couldn’t stop staring at the cherry- red gloss I’d half-smeared off her mouth.

I sat beside her, and for the rest of the evening, we didn’t speak a word. We didn’t have to. But I felt her…

Her knee kept brushing mine under the table. Her gaze sliding toward me when no one else was looking.

It was perfect.

Until I heard it.

“Would you marry me?”

The whole table went quiet.

I blinked.

What the fuck?

15:12 Tue, Dec 30