I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 64

Chapter 64

Chapter 64

Atlas POV

“Hey, Cap!”

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I turned, stick slung over my shoulder, sweat still clinging to my skin from practice. Howard jogged up, cheeks a little flushed, expression… off. Nervous?

“What’s up, man?” I asked, slowing my pace so he could catch up.

“Good… um… so… I…” He scratched the back of his head, eyes bouncing everywhere but me. “Shit, why am I so nervous?”

I chuckled lightly, dropping a hand on his shoulder. “Dude. Chill. You look like you’re about to confess to murder.”

Howard blew out a breath. “I wanna ask Emery out.”

I blinked.

And for a second, just one second, I swear my heart stopped.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Did

my

face drop? Please tell me my face didn’t drop.

I forced a smile. It felt like stretching cold rubber across my skin. “Um… yeah?”

Howard rubbed his palms on his shorts like he was gearing up to ask for her hand in marriage. “I just thought… You know, since you guys are gonna be, like, siblings…..I mean, step-siblings, technically…you might, I don’t know, have thoughts or whatever. Boundaries. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot and, shit…I’m bad at this.”

I nodded slowly, still holding that practiced grin like a pro.

“You’re good, man. I’m… cool with that.”

Howard blinked. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” My throat felt dry. I cleared it and said, “You’re a good guy. And I trust you with her.”

Kill me.

Howard looked like I’d just handed him keys to a brand-new sports car. “Thanks, man. Damn, it had me up all night.”

Same, bro. Same.

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Chapter 64

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“She into anything?” he asked, hopeful. “Like, something special I can plan for the date? I wanna do it right.”

My brain wanted to say, Nope, she hates everything. She’s allergic to happiness. Go away.

But my mouth, that traitorous bastard, said-

“Stars. She likes constellations. You know… astronomy stuff.”

He lit up like a firework.

“Dude, yes! I can work with that. Sky dome, rooftop picnic, maybe even one of those glow-in-the-dark…okay, sorry, I’m rambling.”

I gave him a tight smile. “Nah, you’re good.”

He started to turn but paused. “Oh, one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t make her cry.”

My voice dropped, just a fraction, but it was enough.

Howard raised a brow but nodded, all sincere. “Never will.”

I patted his shoulder again, turned away.

And the second my back was to him, the smile crumbled. My chest tightened like someone was twisting a knife in slow motion. God, it actually hurt. Physically. Like my ribs couldn’t hold it in. I wanted to punch something. Or skate until my legs gave out. But instead, I just walked off the field, the sound of my heartbeat drowning out everything else.

****

I opened the door of Mom’s car and slid into the passenger seat, still shrugging off the cold from practice.

“Sorry,” I said, buckling my seatbelt. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

She gave me that warm smile of hers, the one that always made me feel like a kid again. “It’s okay, honey. I just got here.”

I nodded, leaning back in the seat as we pulled out. “You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I muttered.

We headed toward the mall in comfortable silence. The kind of silence only someone who’s known you since you were in diapers can give. No pressure. No questions. Just presence.

Inside, she pulled me to the men’s section like it was a mission she’d been training for. She rummaged through the racks with surgical precision, holding up a navy blue shirt in one hand and a gray one in the

other.

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Chapter 64

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She turned to me, pressing both against my chest to see which matched better.

“Let’s see… this one brings out your eyes.”

I gave a sheepish smile. “You don’t have to do this, Mom.”

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“Of course I do. I’m your mother. Even if you’re all grown up with facial hair and hockey bruises, you’ll always be my little boy.” She beamed and switched the shirts around again. “So? Which one?”

I glanced at the shirts. Honestly? They both looked fine. Or maybe I just couldn’t concentrate.

“They both look good.”

“You’re right,” she said, clearly satisfied with herself. “I guess I’ll get both. Now…” She turned toward the women’s section like a woman on a mission. “Let’s find something for Emery.”

Right. Because that didn’t make my heart beat in eight directions at once.

We walked over to the women’s section. I hung back while she flipped through hangers, her fingers running over silks and cotton like she was feeling for magic. I stuffed my hands into my pockets, rocking back on my heels, trying to keep my thoughts off Emery.

Spoiler: I failed.

Because suddenly…

“Hi.”

I turned to find a girl standing beside me, blonde and nervous, two of her friends giggling behind a display of jeans. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled.

“My friend thinks you’re really cute,” she said, glancing down. “I was wondering if I could maybe get your number?”

Crap.

I gave a polite smile, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Thanks,” I said gently, “but I actually have a girlfriend.”

Her face dropped like I’d just kicked a puppy.

“Oh! Oh, sorry, I didn’t know,” she stammered before darting off, her friends squealing like I’d rejected her for national television.

I sighed, leaning against the cart. That was like… the fourth time this week.

Same line. Different girl.

And all because of Emery.

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That was how bad it had gotten. I couldn’t even pretend to be available anymore. Every time someone flirted, all I could think about was her. Her smile. Her sarcasm. Her damn star pajama pants.

She was ruining me.

She’s your soon-to-be stepsister, I reminded myself, pressing my tongue to the inside of my cheek.

Right. That.

“Atlas,” my mom called, snapping me out of it. She walked over, holding up two dresses, one a light green floral, the other a pink, shimmery thing that honestly looked like it belonged at prom.

“What do you think?” she asked, holding them side by side. “Which one would look good on Emery?”

I swallowed.

Every damn piece would look good on her. But I shoved that thought down before it turned into a full-blown fantasy…especially in front of Mom.

I cleared my throat and pointed to the green one. “That one. She’ll look… really good in it.”

Mom beamed like I’d passed some kind of test. “I thought so too.”

We paid for the stuff, made our way out of the mall, and walked toward the car. She hummed a tune under her breath, completely at peace…While I was the exact opposite.

****

The bell above the bakery door jingled softly behind us, the scent of sugar and warm vanilla hugging the air. My mom held the tray carefully, but the minute she tried to reach for her purse with one hand, her grip slipped.

“Oops…” she started.

Before I could react, a girl swooped in, catching the pudding cup mid-air with reflexes I honestly didn’t expect from someone in a floral apron.

“Thank

you,

sweetie,” Mom said, her eyes kind.

The girl smiled nervously, cheeks flushed as she handed the pudding back. She glanced at me, just for a second, then quickly looked away like she’d touched something hot.

I gave her a quick nod and half-smile. “Thanks.”

She disappeared behind the counter, cheeks fully flushed.

And then came the look. I turned toward Mom slowly.

“What?” I asked like I didn’t already know.

She sipped her latte dramatically, then set it down. “She likes you.”

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Chapter 64

I groaned, sinking into my seat. “Mum. Stop. Please.”

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“What?” she said, completely unbothered. “She’s been staring at you since we walked in. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“I didn’t,” I lied.

“You did.”

I grabbed my spoon like it owed me something and shoved a mouthful of pudding into my mouth. I let out a groan, not from embarrassment this time. “God… this is really good.”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, still smirking at me like she’d caught me texting a crush under the dinner table.

We’d been sitting in silence for a while, our spoons scraping gently against the bottom of the pudding cups. It was a peaceful kind of quiet, the kind where neither of us felt the need to fill the space with words. Just me and Mom, in a cozy little bakery, enjoying dessert like it was a damn luxury, which, in our past, it kinda was.

Then she exhaled slowly and set her cup down.

“I wanted to talk about my engagement.”

I froze.

My spoon hovered midair, pudding still on it, but I didn’t move. Just stared at the swirl of chocolate like it held the answer.

Mom shifted in her seat, suddenly looking unsure. “What do you think?”

God.

A simple question. That’s all it was.

And yet it carried the weight of the entire world on its back.

I knew if I said I hated it, if I even hesitated too long, she’d call it off. Just like that. No second-guessing. That’s who she’s always been. She’s taken punches so I didn’t have to. Starved herself to make sure I ate. Laughed through pain so I wouldn’t cry.

And now… now she wanted this. A second chance. Someone who made her feel seen. Safe.