I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 76

Chapter 76

Chapter 76

Emery’s POV

67

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There’s music thumping from someone’s oversized speaker, laughter rolling like waves across the sand, and so many red solo cups in hand it might as well be a cult ritual. Everyone’s either dancing, drinking, flirting, or doing all three at once.

And me?

I’m sitting here with a buzz that hasn’t even kicked in yet, watching him like a total creep.

Atlas.

He’s across the bonfire now, surrounded by a group of people, guys clapping his back, girls twirling their hair and leaning a little too close. They’re all laughing, and he’s laughing too.

God, he laughed like he didn’t have a care in the world. It’s the kind of sound that hits you low in the stomach, warm and unshakable. He ran a hand through his hair and flashed that easy, effortless smile.

Even in a crowd, he glowed.

My eyes flicked toward him again, like I’ve lost all control over my neck muscles, and this time?

He was looking right at me.

My spine straightened like someone just ran cold water down it. My grip tightened around the hem of my shirt, fingers squeezing hard as heat flooded my cheeks.

My brain screamed, LOOK AWAY, and I do. Fast. Too fast.

But then I do what I shouldn’t.

I glanced back.

And he’s no longer looking.

But was a smile on his lips….small, crooked, and secret. The kind of smile you give someone when you know exactly what kind of effect you have on them.

My heart stumbled over itself.

Lips that once kissed me….Lips that still haunt my damn dreams.

“Here’s your drink,” a voice said.

I blinked out of my lusty spiral to find Howard standing in front of me, holding out a cup with that friendly little grin he always wears.

“Oh, thanks,” I said quickly, forcing a smile as I take it.

15:18 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 76

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Howard dropped down onto the log beside me, brushing some sand off his jeans as he steals a glance toward

Atlas.

Then he lets out a long, low whistle. “Wow. Should I be impressed… or worried?”

I followed his gaze. Atlas was still in the center of the group, laughing, another drink in hand, and somehow now there are more girls around him than before.

“He’s got a crowd,” I said, trying to sound casual even though my voice is tight, and I’m mentally launching every girl over the bonfire.

Howard nodded. “He always does. But… he’s not just the pretty face. He’s actually a good guy.”

I hummed into my drink and took a long sip of whatever fruit punch death mix is in here.

Howard leaned back on his elbows. “Wanna hear a secret?”

I glanced sideways at him. “Sure.”

“I used to hate him.”

That gets a genuine laugh out of me. “No way.”

“Swear. Freshman year, I thought he was too perfect. Straight A’s, first-line player, nice to everyone, freaking Arabian prince jawline. It just felt unfair, you know?”

I laughed again, softer this time. “I mean… yeah, it does feel a little unfair.”

“But then…” He paused, looking into his cup like it might help him word it better. “One time last year, I messed up real bad. I forgot to lock the locker room after practice, and overnight, the pipes burst. Coach was pissed. Screaming level pissed.”

I raised my brows. “What happened?”

“Atlas told Coach it was him,” Howard said, his voice lower now. “Took the heat, the suspension, everything. I thought he’d be furious with me. I even went to apologize, ready for him to rip into me.”

He shruged, eyes fixed on the fire.

“But he just smiled and said, ‘We’re not just teammates…we’re brothers.’ And that stuck. Changed everything

for me.”

I stared at the fire, my throat suddenly tight. Of course he’d do that. Because Atlas wasn’t just hot, or talented, or popular.

He was good.

And maybe that’s what scared me most…. Because how the hell do you protect your heart from someone like

that?

“Enough about Atlas,” Howard said, voice a little quieter now. His cheeks were tinged pink, maybe from the

15:18 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 76

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alcohol, maybe from what he was about to say next. “I couldn’t stop thinking about the observatory”

My fingers curled tighter around my cup.

Then he said, softer, “No, let me rephrase. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

My heart didn’t skip from butterflies. It didn’t race with excitement.

It sank.

Straight down to the pit of my stomach like a dumbbell.

I looked away and felt my thumb start to rub nervously under my index finger-fast, anxious circles against my skin, like I could scrub away the guilt creeping in.

Still, I forced a smile, my voice way too soft. “Me too.”

Howard tilted his head with a small, amused breath. “You’re a really bad liar.”

I exhaled, shoulders slumping. “I’m so sorry, Howard.”

He gave a quiet nod, looking down at the firelight flickering against his cup. “I get it. The feeling’s not there.”

“No…I mean…” I paused, fumbling over my words, hating how sticky and complicated they felt in my mouth. “I do feel something. But…”

But I think I love Atlas.

My stepbrother.

The words never made it past my throat, but they echoed in my head so loud it made my chest ache. I couldn’t imagine how Howard would look at me if I said them out loud. I couldn’t imagine what anyone would say.

My eyes dropped to the ground. I couldn’t look at him.

“I’m just not in the right space,” I whispered.

Howard nodded slowly, his lips pressed into a thoughtful line. He took a sip, then looked back at me with something unreadable in his eyes.

“Okay. But can I ask for a favor?”

I looked up, hesitant. “What kind of favor?”

He held my gaze for a second, and then shrugged, lips twitching up into something brave and hopeful. “Can I at least try?”

W-what?

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