My Husband Chose His Ex I Became His Regret novel Chapter 90

Chapter 90

Chapter 90

Aidan

I know I have hurt Lila before she starts crying. It happens in her shoulders first. Lila always holds herself like she is balancing something on her spine. Perfect posture, chin level, emotions carefully contained beneath composure so practiced most people mistake it for

ease.

The second I say I did not ask to be punished for another mans mistakes something in her folds inward. Not dramatically. Quietly. Which is worse. Because dramatic pain can defend itself. Quiet pain just absorbs the blow. I hear it again the moment she leaves the bedroom. Not her footsteps. The silence after them.

The door does not slam. She is not theatrical enough for that. It closes softly behind her. Somehow that makes me feel infinitely worse. I stand alone in the middle of our bedroom for a moment staring at the place she had been standing. The air still smells like her perfume. Jasmine. The faintest trace of champagne from the event.

I drag both hands down my face slowly. Feel something ugly settle heavily in my chest. Punished for another man’s mistakes. I feel bad. The second the sentence left my mouth I watched it hit her. Not because it was entirely untrue. Because it was cruelly true. Lila does not distrust me because of me. She distruststhe omission.

Instead of remembering that instead of recognizing the fear underneath her anger I got frustrated that she could not separate me from the man who broke her. As if trauma is rational. As if betrayal politely confines itself to the offender. I exhale hard. Stare out at the snow falling beyond the bedroom windows.

I think about Mark.

Tonight for one sharp ugly moment I sounded like him. Not in action. In posture. The exhaustion. The defensiveness. The subtle implication that her emotional response was inconvenient.

I close my eyes briefly. I feel bad. The worst part is that I understand why she spiraled. I withheld information. Not maliciously. Not strategically.. Omission still alters trust.. For someone whose marriage collapsed beneath hidden things and half-truths omission does not feel neutral. It feels dangerous. I should have told her immediately. Instead I decided to manage the situation because I thought I was protecting her.

Which means she is right. I made the choice for her. Again I hear my voice in my head: I was trying to avoid this exact reaction. As if her feelings were the problem of the fear underneath them. I swear quietly under my breath. Then I leave the bedroom. The library light is on. Of

course it is.

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The moment I step into the hallway I can already picture her there curled into the corner of the leather sofa beneath the reading lamp with a book she has not actually absorbed a single page of. I find her like that. She has changed out of the navy dress into one of my sweaters and soft grey socks her legs tucked beneath her. Her hair is loose now falling over one shoulder in messy waves.

The book rests open in her lap… She is staring at the same page too still for someone reading. I lean quietly against the doorway. She notices immediately but does not look up. For a moment neither of us speaks. The fire crackles softly in the stone fireplace. Snow drifts past the windows overlooking the lake. The entire room glows amber and gold around her.

She still feels far away.

“I’m sorry,” I apologise walking to her.

Nothing. Not coldness. Not dismissal. Just silence. I walk toward her slowly anyway. When I reach the sofa, I stop behind it looking down at the top of her head.

“I should have told you about Evelyn immediately.”

A page turns beneath her fingers. Calm. Controlled. Still not looking at me.

“You are right.” I continue quietly.” I thought if I handled it myself I could keep it from becoming something that hurt you.”

You do not get to decide what hurts me.” Her voice is soft. That hurts worse than if she had yelled.

“I know.” Silence again. I look at her head and feel something tighten painfully in my chest.

She has been trying since the day she married me. Trying to trust me. Trying to belong.. Tonight I made her feel foolish for struggling. I move before I fully think about it.

My hands settle gently at her waist from behind. I pull her slowly against me where she sits curled into the sofa. For one second she softens automatically into my touch. Instinct. Then her body goes still. Not rigid. Unresponsive. My chest aches immediately. I press my mouth lightly against her hair.

“I am sorry.” I whisper again.

Nothing. I close my eyes briefly.

“I mean it, Lila.”

Finally she speaks. I know you mean it. She still does not lean back into me. Still does not touch me. The absence of her affection feels catastrophic after the intensity of the few weeks.

“I just want to be alone for a while.” The words land gently. Carefully.

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Which somehow makes them more painful. I loosen my hold on her immediately

“Okay.” She nods once. I wait another second anyway irrationally hoping she will turn toward me. She does not. So I step away. Leave. An hour later I am standing in the kitchen at midnight making her pasta. Not because I think food fixes damage.

Because loving Lila seems to exist in the accumulation of small observant things. She barely ate at the event. When she is upset she forgets hunger until she feels faint. She likes parmesan cut thin because she says thick shavings taste pretentious. I know these things now. The kitchen is quiet except for the simmer of sauce and the occasional sound of snow tapping lightly against the windows.

I loosen my tie fully. Roll my sleeves higher while the pasta cooks. My phone buzzes once against the counter. Thomas. I ignore it. Then another message appears.

Evelyn posted again. Legal is handling takedowns. Call me when you can.

I stare at the screen for a moment before locking it again face-down. Not tonight. Tonight my marriage matters more.

By the time I carry the tray toward the library the house has gone completely silent. Lila has moved from the sofa to the rug in front of the fire. Barefoot now. Curled beneath a blanket with the book resting abandoned beside her. She looks up when I enter. Her eyes are tired. Not angry anymore. That almost feels worse too. I set the tray carefully on the coffee table.

“I brought food.”

“You did not have to.” For a second neither of us moves. Then slowly she sits up straighter pulling the blanket tighter around herself. I lower myself onto the end of the sofa instead of beside her. Giving her room. She notices that too. The steam curls upward from the pasta between us.

After a silence she says quietly “You cooked.”

“I can cook.”

“That is not what I meant.”

I look at her. She is watching me now with that searching expression she gets when she is trying to determine whether something is real or temporary.

“I hurt you.” I say simply. Something flickers across her face immediately. There it is.

The thing she does when someone acknowledges pain directly instead of arguing its validity. Relief. Tiny. Immediate. Human.

“You did.” she says softly. I nod once.

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Chapter 90

May

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“I know.” The fire pops behind her. Lila stares down at her hands for seconds before speaking again.

“When you said you felt punished for another mans mistakes…” She swallows. “I heard that eventually you will get tired of how hard this is.”

The ache in my chest sharpens instantly. “Lila. You said it because you were frustrated. I understand that.. That is the thing about being betrayed by someone you trusted completely. You start listening for exhaustion, in people.”

I lean forward slowly forearms resting against my knees. “I am not tired of you. I can never get tired of you.”

She looks at my face closely.

“You do not know what it is like ” she says quietly after a moment. “To have people mess with your instincts until you stop trusting your reactions. Mark lied to me calmly. So consistently. Eventually I started practicing every emotion before I showed it because I was scared of losing control.”

I feel sick to my stomach listening to this.

“And then tonight happened ” she says quietly. “Suddenly I felt crazy again for thinking something was wrong.”

“You were not crazy ” I tell her.

“But I was not entirely fair either ” she says.

“You were afraid ” I say.

“You keep saying that like fear is an excuse for hurting you” she says.

“It explains it “I say.

We are quiet for a moment.

Then she picks up the fork.

I feel a little better when I see her do that.

It is a thing.

She takes a bite slowly. I watch her.

“You are staring” she says.

“You are eating ” I say.

Chapter 90

She almost smiles. It goes away.

She is still hurt.

She puts the fork down after a bites.

“You need to stop hiding things from me ” she says.

“I know ” I say.

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“No I mean it ” she says. Her eyes are locked on mine. “Even if you think it is nothing. Even if you think you are protecting me. I need you to be honest with me.”

Her words hit me hard because she is right.

I nod slowly.

“You have my word ” I

say.

She looks at me. I can tell she wants to believe me.

I get up. Walk over to her slowly.

This time when I kneel down beside her she does not move away.

That is a sign.

“I need you to understand something ” I say softly.

She looks up at me.

“Lila is not hard to love because someone hurt her ability to feel safe “I

I can see the emotion on her face.

“And I am not loving Lila conditionally until she gets better ” I say.

She takes a breath.

“You do not have to be perfect to deserve my love “I say.

I touch her cheek gently with my knuckles.

Tears come to her eyes.

She is not being dramatic.

She is just overwhelmed.

say.

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Chapter 90

“Don’t say things like that if you do not mean them ” she says quietly.

Her voice is so soft it almost breaks my heart.

I lean in close. My forehead touches hers.

“I have never not meant anything ” I say.

She just breathes for a second.

Then her hands go up my chest. She holds

my

shirt.

“I was so angry at you ” she says.

“I know ” I say.

“I still am ” she says.

“That is fair ” I say.

She almost laughs.

Then I kiss her.

It is gentle at first.

I am sorry.

She kisses me slowly.

Then my hand goes into her hair and everything changes.

The kiss gets deeper.

It is warmer.

It is like we are trying to find each other

Lila’s fingers curl into my shirt as I pull her into my lap.

She makes a sound against my mouth.

“I love you Lila. “I say before I can stop myself.

She stops kissing me for a second.

Not because she is mad.

Just because she is surprised.

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16:06 Thu, May 21

Chapter 90

Then she looks at me.

Really looks at me.

I can tell she sees how serious I am.

How much I love her,

She looks vulnerable.

“You do?” she whispers.

I laugh softly.

“Lila ” I say.

Her eyes shine.

“I think part of me keeps waiting for this to become less real ” she says.

I cup her face in my hands.

“It is going to become more real ” I say.

She kisses me again.

This time it is not slow.

The blanket falls off her shoulders as she climbs into my lap,

We kiss like we are trying to be closer.

My hand goes under her sweater and her fingers go into my hair.

The fire is warm, beside us.

It is snowing outside.

Slowly Lila softens against me again.

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