Perfect Bastard (by Mary D. Sant) novel Chapter 98

Chapter 98: Just a Slip

ELLIE

My phone vibrated, and I opened the message with Anna’s name on

the screen. She was apologizing for the thousandth time this week

and insisting that I meet her at the bar for our weekly hangout.

I put my phone in my bag and grabbed my keys before leaving my

apartment.

After what she had pulled at her place, I’d decided it was best to take

a break from her. From everyone, actually.

That included the men she was trying to push on me.

So that’s what I did all week: I spoke to Anna only when necessary,

avoided Jorrick, and turned down Anthony’s invitation for a date.

I didn’t want to go out with anyone; I just needed time. Especially

after that conversation with Ethan.

Even though it had been painful to hear him repeat the same thing-

that he could never give me what he thought I wanted–I think 1

finally understood that his decision had nothing to do with me.

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From the start, I knew Ethan had his own demons, and he’d made it

clear that he couldn’t offer me more. But I’d pushed anyway because I

thought we could have a chance if he tried. Now I see I was wrong.

Maybe what he went through scarred him so deeply that it will haunt

him for the rest of his life. And there’s nothing I can do. He needs to

work through it on his own.

And even if he says he loves me, all that insecurity and fear that

haunts him make it meaningless.

But Ethan was right about one thing: I deserve more. I deserve

someone whole, not someone in pieces. I deserve someone willing to

fight.

So all I can do now is accept that he’ll be just a memory–a part of my

life I need to leave behind. Even if it tears me apart inside because I

love him.

I needed a distraction, so I decided to head to the nearest bar. Once

inside, I sat by the counter and ordered a cosmopolitan from Eddie,

the bartender I knew well.

My intention was to use alcohol to forget everything that was

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happening, since pretending and trying to hide my feelings wasn’t

working anymore. Work was enough to keep me busy during the day,

but at night, there was no escape.

The longing haunted me like a one–ton stone pressing against my

chest, almost suffocating me. It was only outweighed by the pain,

tearing through my heart a little more each day. I could barely

remember what it felt like to live without it.

The only thing keeping me going was the hope that it would pass-

maybe in months or years. And if it didn’t, I didn’t know what I’d do.

Eddie brought me my drink shortly after and set it on the counter.

“Another one,” I said to Eddie, setting my empty glass on the counter

when he approached.

“Are you sure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he wiped a glass.

“I thought your job was to keep my glass full, not worry about how

much I’m drinking,” I said, regretting the words immediately. Unfortunately, the alcohol had already muddled my brain. “Sorry, I

didn’t mean…”

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“Looks like someone’s had too much to drink,” a familiar voice

interrupted from behind me.

Todd?

Before I could turn around, large hands landed on my shoulders.

“Excuse the lady’s manners here; I’m sure she didn’t mean that. She’s

usually as sweet as a princess when she’s sober,” he continued.

I tilted my chin to look up at him.

His dark brown eyes met mine, and his warmth pressed against my

back.

“Isn’t that right?” he said, seeking confirmation.

I turned my attention back to Eddie.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s fine. I’ve heard far worse. Occupational hazard,” Eddie said.

His words only made me feel worse. When did I become such an

asshole?

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I felt Todd squeeze my shoulders as if trying to comfort me.

“I appreciate your concern, Eddie, but I’ll take care of her,” Todd said.

“All right.” Eddie nodded, taking my glass before turning away.

“Thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter,” I said, shrugging off his

touch.

He stepped back, raising his hands.

“I come in peace.”

“Great. Then leave me in peace.”

“Looks like someone’s had a rough day,” he observed, taking the seat

to my right.

“Yes, and you’re the last person I wanted to see.”

“And here I thought you had gotten over that… and were almost

friends.”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the turmoil within me.

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“Sorry, I just…”

“It’s fine. You can take it out on me if it helps.”

“Maybe it’s too late to try playing the nice guy,” I teased, turning to

face him.

“Or maybe not. Now, tell me how much you’ve had to drink. I’d say a

lot since you’re not usually this…”

“Go ahead, say it. Stupid, rude, a jerk.”

“Indelicate,” he said with a smile, reminding me how annoyingly

charming he was.

I blinked, pushing the thought aside, and looked down at my hands

resting on the counter.

“Maybe I’m just tired of being so nice.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, exactly as you are.”

“Says the guy who left me…” I held back a laugh, ignoring the

tightness in my chest.

“Okay, I probably deserved that.”

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Eddie returned with my refilled glass and set it on the counter.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Todd asked as I reached for it.

“If you’re not drinking, you should leave. I already told you I don’t

need a babysitter.”

“I suppose you’re not driving?”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“That means you plan to walk back. Do you think you’ll manage?”

“Oh, so now you’re my knight in shining armor? Let me tell you

something: it’s too late for that.” I took a long sip of my drink.

“Fine, we’ll do it your way. Hey, Eddie? Get me a beer!”

“I think you misunderstood. That wasn’t an invitation to drink with

me.”

“Pretend I’m just some stranger who came in for a beer. So, want to

tell me about your rough day?”

“I wish it were just the day… But no, I don’t want to talk, especially

not with you.”

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“Come on, El. You know I’m a good listener. Sometimes I think you’ve

forgotten the good times we had.”

“Hmm… Let me see… Nope. You’re right. I forgot,” I mocked.

“I know that’s not true. You couldn’t have forgotten the laughter, the

good times… the sex. We were so good at the last one. Ever wonder

what it would be like now?”

I closed my eyes, shaking my head, trying to block any intrusive

memories.