Pursuing My Rejected Luna by Cara Anderson novel Chapter 228

Ch. 1

Nah

+15 8gnus

I’ve officially been Alpha of Ironwood for weeks now and I still find myself looking around for Jaxon when someone calls me Alpha. I’m working on it but I’m still firmly in the surreal phase. Hopefully that phase passes soon or my pack is going to think their new Alpha has already lost his marbles.

At least I’ve managed to settle into a routine that works for me. Jaxon ran his office on instinct and momentum, which worked because Jaxon’s instincts are good. I run mine on structure, because structure is how I function and I learned quickly that trying to replace Jaxon was an exercise in futility. I have to play to my own strengths..

I pull up the morning reports. Resource allocation, border patrol rotation, two pending requests from pack members for allocation reviews, a note from Dr. Lukas about the quarterly health assessments she wants to schedule. I work through them in order.

This is the part of the job I didn’t know I’d love until I had it-the satisfaction of a system running well. Each item addressed, filed, or forwarded. For me, the pleasure of it is not about power. It’s about the thing working. About people having what they need because someone is paying attention.

I’m paying attention. I think this, being Alpha of this pack, is what I was made for. And given the shitstorm that is my personal life, it feels fucking fantastic to find I’m not a complete failure.

Cole waltzes in with the morning situation report, pulling my attention back to the present. Which is fortunate, because following that particular train of thought would only lead me down a wormhole of despair I don’t have time for.

He sets a cup of coffee on my desk, his signature smirk plastered on his face. Cole’s always been a bit cocky, and a consummate ladies man, but when it came to choosing a Beta, there’s no one else I’d want to have my back.

“Situation report,” he says, dropping into the chair across from me without waiting for an invitation. He slings one leg over the side of the chair until he’s almost sideways in it, stretching until he finds a comfortable position. My eyes roll into the back of my head but he pretends not to notice. It’s kind of our thing. “Border patrol flagged a scent incursion on the northeastern line-turned out to be a rogue passing through, not establishing. Patrol handled it without escalation.”

“Good call on their part.” I feel a surge of pride knowing that’s one thing I can actually take credit for since I was the one who trained them.

“I told them that.” He glances at his own copy of the report. “Resource committee meets Thursday. The allocation dispute between the Hendersons and the Calloway family is still ongoing. They’ve both filed formal requests now.”

“I saw that.” I groan, pulling up the relevant files. “That’s on my to-do list for this afternoon.”

“You don’t have to handle every-” He starts again with the recurring argument we’ve had since the day of his Beta induction.

“I know I don’t have to.” I want to, is the part I don’t add.

I may have a teeny tiny problem with delegating. But how am I supposed to prove to the pack I’m a capable Alpha if I don’t do the work?

Cole just sighs. He’s wearing that look he gets when he’s decided to say something he knows I won’t like but need to hear anyway. I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in my chair in a “fine, get on with it” gesture.

“The pack is adjusting,” he says. “Most of them. Some of them-” He pauses, getting to the part I won’t like. ”

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Some of them are used to Jaxon’s style.”

Meaning?”

+15 Bonus

“Meaning they want you to just tell them what to do.” He doesn’t beat around the bush about it, which is one of the reasons he’s a great Beta. “Jaxon made decisions fast. The consultation process is-” He chooses the word carefully. “-unfamiliar.”

“It’s also more accurate,” I defend. “Fast decisions based on incomplete information aren’t decisive. They’re just fast. Having to back pedal later when we have all the facts just wastes time and makes us look bad.”

“I know that.” He runs a hand over the top of his head in frustration, his artfully styled bedhead sticking out everywhere.

“They’ll figure it out.” I argue.

“And if they don’t?”

It pains me to admit but… “Then I’ll tell them what to do.”

Something almost like a smile crosses his face. “Right.” He closes his report folder. “How are you settling in? Actually.”

“Fine.” I grunt, an attempt to cut off this line of questioning before it starts. But Cole is like a dog with a bone.

“Noah.” He refuses to let it go. Sometimes he reminds me a little too much of myself.

“Cole.” I stonewall.

He watches me for a moment with eyes that have years of experience reading exactly when I’m telling the partial truth. “Okay,” he says, and stands. “Situation report’s yours. I’ll be around if you need anything.”

“I know where to find you.”

He leaves but somehow I end up feeling like I’m the one being dismissed. In my own office. I drink my steaming hot coffee but it does nothing to relieve the cold that’s been living in my bones for three weeks. It’s the one thing I can’t tell him, no matter how hard he pushes.

It started gradually. A few weeks into the Alpha transition, I noticed I was waking up shivering every morning, adding a sweater under my usual shirt, which I’d never needed before. By a few weeks after that, it was constant, a baseline chill that didn’t respond to any attempt to get warm.

Cold from the inside that’s settled in my bones and refuses to leave.

Dr. Lukas mentioned, when she performed my transition physical exam, that the shift from Beta to Alpha energy can take weeks to calibrate. The wolf-energy runs differently at Alpha level-higher intensity, different distribution. Physical symptoms are normal. Temperature regulation, sleep disruption, appetite changes. I have all the above.

That has to be what this is.

I’m not thinking about alternatives.

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