Pursuing My Rejected Luna by Cara Anderson novel Chapter 269

Ch.39

Cassandra

After my run in with Noah, I go back to my room and just sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. I may not interact with him often, but every encounter seems to take more and more out of me, leaving me so spent afterwards, I can barely do more than breathe.

It’s worth it, I tell myself. As long as Liam is safe and happy, it’s worth it.

And to be honest, there’s a bit of pride mixed in with the other jumble of emotions I’m feeling. I was honest. Out loud, directly, to his face. Yes, it bothers me.

I didn’t plan to. I’m not sure it was wise. I’m not sure it changes anything or helps anything or makes any of this easier. But I think it was right anyway.

My old mantra would have been: don’t give him ammunition. Don’t let him see you hurt, even by things you earned. Maintain the appearance of equanimity because equanimity is defensible.

I told him the truth instead.

And I’m sitting here thinking about what it costs to keep paying for choices you’ve already paid for–because that’s what this is. Every honest thing I say, every reflex I don’t follow, every time I look at Piper and think she’s good and he deserves good- that’s payment. Not a transaction. Just the ongoing cost of having made the choices I made.

And damn, it’s expensive!

I don’t know when it stops being payment and starts being just-life. I don’t know if it ever does. Goddess, I hope so.

“Your boy found the Alpha’s office again this morning,” Mara tells me when I come down to the kitchen the next day. “They were in there for a while.”

She mentions it casually, in a just making conversation kind of way. But it catches me off guard.

“He goes to his office?” The shock must be written on my face because Mara registers it.

“Most mornings,” she smiles fondly. “Noah gives him paper and lets him draw at the corner of the desk.”

“How long has that been happening?” I wonder aloud, not really expecting an answer.

“Two weeks, maybe.” She shrugs. “The boy likes him. He follows him like a satellite.” She looks at me. “You didn’t know?”

“No,” I admit. “I didn’t.”

She nods and goes back to her prep. I stand there mutely while I try to make sense of how my son manages to worm his way into the Alpha’s office every day after I drop him at Theo’s and why Noah would even allow it.

I don’t ask Noah about it. I’m afraid that asking would make it a thing that requires a decision-his decision, whether to keep allowing it, and the decision might go the wrong way. It’s clearly important to Liam if he’s going every day so I don’t ask.

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