SIERRA.
The house is quiet. It’s the first thing I notice when I step into the living room.
I stand there for a moment, letting it settle, before moving further in. My steps are slow and unhurried, like I’m taking in a place I haven’t seen in a long time, even though nothing about it has really changed.
Everything looks the same, but it doesn’t feel the same.
I set my phone down on the coffee table and sink into the cushions, leaning back as my gaze drifts toward the ceiling. For a while, I don’t think about anything in particular. I just exist, breathing in and out before letting my mind wander.
Like always, my mind drifts to all that has happened these past few months.
It goes back to the cliff. To the moment I stood there, with pain crashing my heart and soul in ways I’ve never experienced.
I still remember what that felt like. How it felt like I was dying from the inside and how everything had lost meaning and the only thought was to end the pain. To join my baby wherever it is she was.
I remember the wind. The sound of my own uneven breathing, breaking apart in my chest. I remember the whispers of the wind as if encouraging me to jump and then I remember Aunt Harper’s voice.
I close my eyes briefly, remembering how she told me my baby was alive. I remember the way those words hit me. How they crashed into me, breaking through everything else, pulling me back when I had already started to let go and for a moment, there had been overwhelming relief.
I hold onto that feeling for a second longer before it slips because I also remember what came after.
I remember the hospital again. The way everyone looked at me and then the truth they had finally told me.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt something like that before. Not even when I thought she was dead because at least then it was final… This was something else entirely. Something that didn’t have an end.
I let out a slow breath, my fingers curling slightly against the fabric of the couch.
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