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Is a fierce, stubborn declaration of existence: a tiny life thriving in the dark, entirely unaware of the
storm outside.
“We don’t know the baby’s s*x yet,” Dr. Innis says gently. “We can check now, if you want Iow that you and Locke wanted to wait until the birth, but you may have changed your mind since then.”
“I don’t need to know yet,” I say. “I just want them to be healthy.”
“They are healthy,” Dr. Innis assures me with absolute certainty. “They are strong, Zara. Just like
their mother.”
She prints a strip of black–and–white thermal photos, wipes the gel from my stomach with a warm
towel, and hands me a small white envelope.
“Take these,” Dr. Innis says, holding my shoulder as I sit up. “And remember, my office is here for
you day or night. You’re not alone.”
“Thank you, Dr. Innis. Thank you for everything.”
Ten minutes later, I step out into the crisp air, holding the paper envelope tight against my ribs. The sharp breeze stings my flushed cheeks, but for the first time in weeks, the chill doesn’t reach all the
way to my bone marrow.
I hail a cab on the corner, sliding into the worn leather seat and giving the driver the address to my old building. My new home.
During the fifteen–minute ride across town, I pull the envelope out of my coat pocket. My fingers trace the outline of the thin paper. Those black–and–white thermal prints feel heavier than gold…. more precious too.
I look out the window at the passing city; the familiar gray brick buildings, the asphalt reflecting the amber traffic lights, the pedestrians bundled up against the wind.
For days, every corner of this city felt like a threat or a memory designed to break me. Every street corner was somewhere Locke had stood guard, somewhere his bike had roared to a halt, somewhere he’d reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
But as the cab glides down my street, the phantom weight of his absence doesn’t choke me the way it did this morning. The city hasn’t changed, but the armor around my heart has.
When the driver pulls up outside the brick front of my studio building, I pay him and step out onto the pavement. I climb the narrow, squeaky stairwell up to my landing, my hand resting over my bump with every step I take.
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When I reach the door, the heavy deadbolt clicks smoothly open under my key. Xena meets me i the entryway, her heavy tail thumping a steady rhythm against the doorframe as she presses he
old nose against my hand.
“Hey, girl,” I say, sinking down onto my knees right there on the rug to throw my arms around her neck. “You been behaving yourself?”
She buries her face into my shoulder, giving a soft, contented grunt. Her warm, solid presenc
calms me instantly.
I pull myself up, walking over to the tiny kitchen counter to open the envelope. I pull out the hew ultrasound photo, holding it up into the pale light filtering through the studio window. Taking a small, simple magnet from the counter, I tape the picture securely to the front of the mini–fridge.

A quiet laugh bubbles up out of my chest, surprising me in the silence of the room. It spills over my lips, soft and fragile, untethered from the heavy sorrow that’s squeezed my lungs since seeing
I press my knuckles against my mouth, staring at that little profile until my eyes blur with fresh, warm tears. Not tears of despair, but tears of unbelievable, overwhelming gratitude for what is right here, living and growing against all odds.
Xena whines soft and low, stepping up beside me to nudge her wet nose against my knee. I reach down, resting one hand on her soft head while my other hand covers the warm, distinct curve
beneath my sweater.
‘Look at you‘, I think, a smile spreading across my face as I gaze at the black–and–white picture. ‘You’re thriving. Despite it all.
My heart is shattered, and the silence in Locke’s storm–gray eyes still bleeds. But standing here, looking at our baby’s face, the suffocating loneliness begins to break apart completely.
I’m not alone in this world after all.
I have my Dad and my brother, whose fierce protectiveness has always been my shield, who would drop everything to stand at my side the moment I ask.
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