The Professor's Mate Clause novel Chapter 87

Chapter 87

FREYA’S POV

Day one without Adrian.

I wake up in Clara’s apartment. Alone. Cold. The bond between us aching. Pulling. Demanding I go back to him. Demanding I fix this. Demanding I stop this separation that’s killing us both.

But I can’t. Not yet. Not when I still see his fangs. Still feel his body pinning me. Still remember the terror of thinking he was going to take my choice away.

Clara makes breakfast. I don’t eat. Just push food around my plate. Trying to process. Trying to understand how we got here. How love became fear. How protection became control.

“Has anyone heard from him?” I finally ask.

“No. He’s gone. Disappeared into the woods right after… after it happened.” Clara sits across from me. “Marcus is worried. Says he’s never seen Adrian like this. So out of control. So broken.”

“Good.”

“He should be broken. Should feel what he almost did. Should…” I can’t finish. Can’t say I want him to suffer when part of me just wants him back. Wants his arms around me. Wants everything to be okay again.

“You’re allowed to be angry and miss him at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive.” Clara touches my hand. “Feelings are complicated. Especially with mates.

“I don’t know if I can forgive this. If I can look at him the same way. If I can trust him not to lose control again.” Tears slip down my cheeks. “I love him Clara. But I’m scared of him. Of what he almost did. Of what he might do next time.”

“Then take your time. Figure out what you need. What boundaries you have to set. What has to change before you can even consider reconciliation.” She squeezes my hand. “And if you decide you can’t go back. If you decide the trust is too broken. The pack will support you. I’ll support you. You’re not trapped.”

“Except I am. By the bond. By my wolf who’s howling for her mate. By the war that’s coming. By everything we’ve built together. “I wipe my face. “I can’t leave him. Can’t walk away. But I don’t know how to stay either. How to be with someone who terrifies me as much as I love them.”

We sit in silence. No answers. No solutions. Just the weight of an impossible situation and a broken heart.

**

***

Day two without Adrian.

The pack is talking. Whispering. Speculating about what happened. About why their Alpha disappeared.

I ignore them. Focus on training. On preparing for war. On anything that isn’t thinking about him. About us. About what we’ve lost.

Marcus pulls me aside after training. “We need to talk.”

“If this is about Adrian…”!

“It’s about the pack. About leadership. About the fact that our Alpha has been gone for two days and no one knows where he is or when he’s coming back.” Marcus looks exhausted. Stressed. “I’m doing my best to hold things together. But people are stared Freya. War is coming and their Alpha is missing. That’s not good for morale.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“Go find him. Bring him back. Whatever happened between you. Whatever broke The pack needs him. Needs both of you United. Strong. Ready to lead them into battle.”

“I can’t. I’m not ready. I’m still

“I don’t care if you’re ready.” His voice gets hard. “I don’t care if you’re hurt or angry or scared. The pack comes first. Always. That’s what being Luna means. What being Alpha Female means. You put your personal shit aside and do what’s necessary for the pack.” 1

The words sting because they’re true. Because I’ve been so focused on my pain. My fear. My broken trust. That I forgot about everyone else. Everyone depending on us. Everyone who needs us to be strong even when we’re falling apart.

“I don’t know where he is.”

“Follow the bond. It’ll lead you to him. It always does.” Marcus softens slightly. “Look. I’ra sorry for being harsh. But the pack is on edge. The deadline with Asher is approaching. We need our Alphas. Both of them. Together. Can you do that? Can you put the pack first just long enough to bring him home?”

I want to say no. Want to stay hidden in Clara’s apartment where I feel safe. Where I don’t have to face him.

“I do hate you. Part of me hates you so much Tean barely breathe around you.” The honesty hurts but it’s necessary. “But part of me also loves you. Misses you. Needs you. And I don’t know how to reconcile those parts. Don’t know how to be with you when I’m terrified you’ll lose control again. Don’t know how to trust you when you proved my trust was misplaced.”

“Then don’t. Don’t trust me. Don’t come back. Just… be safe. Be free. Be anywhere I can’t hurt you.” He looks away. “I’ll step down. Marcus can lead. You can stay with the pack or leave. Your choice. Just… don’t be with me. Don’t risk it. Don’t give me another chance to prove how much of a monster I am.”

“Is that what you want? You want me to leave? Want to end this?” The question hurts to ask. Hurts to even consider.

“What I want doesn’t matter. What’s safe for you is all that matters.” He stands. “Go home Freya. Back to the pack. Back to safety. Back to a life that doesn’t include me.”

He starts walking away. Into the woods. Away from me. Away from us. Away from everything. And I realize. He’s not just leaving the clearing. He’s leaving. Period. Walking away from his pack. His position. His life. Because he can’t forgive himself. Can’t see a path forward where he’s not a danger to me.

“Adrian wait!”

He stops but doesn’t turn around. “Let me go Freya. It’s better this way!”

“Better for who? You? The pack? Me?” I stand. Move closer. “You don’t get to decide what’s better for me. Don’t get to make choices about my life without me. That’s exactly what got us here. You trying to control. Trying to protect. Trying to decide for both of us. I’m done with that. Done letting you make all the decisions.” 1

He finally turns. Looks at me with so much pain it takes my breath away. “Then what do you want? What decision do Because I’m out of answers. Out of solutions. Out of ways to fix this.”

you make?

“I want you to come home. I want you to lead the pack through this war. I want you to stop hating yourself long enough to be who they need you to be.” I take a breath. “And after. When Asher is dead and we’re safe. I want you to sit down with me. Really sit down. And figure out what we are. What we can be. If we can be. With complete honesty. Complete vulnerability. Complete truth. No more hiding. No more protecting. No more control. Just us. Figuring it out. Together.”

“And if we can’t figure it out? If the trust is too broken?”

“Then we deal with that when we get there. But right now. Today. The pack needs their Alpha. And like it or not. That’s still you.” I extend my hand. “Come home Adrian. Face this. Face us. Face everything. Stop running.”

He stares at my hand for a long moment. Deciding. Weighing. Choosing whether to take it or walk away forever. Finally. Slowly. He takes it. His hand is cold. Shaking. But he takes it. “Okay, I’ll come home. I’ll lead through the war. I’ll do what needs to be done.” He squeezes my hand. “But Freya. I’m not the same. Something broke in me. In us. And I don’t know if it can be fixed. Don’t know if I can be who you need anymore.”

“Then we figure out who you can be. Who I can be. Who we can be together. After.” I start walking. Leading him home. “But first. We survive. We lead. We win. Everything else waits.”