The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 25

Chapter 25: 25 | The Fitzgerald Foundation

The remote hung in the air between us like evidence at a crime scene. I held it there with Spectral Reach, the pale amber construct extending invisibly from my hand while I tried not to look like a guy caught making out with his housemate’s daughter.

"Well," Diane repeated, her blue eyes tracking the floating remote, "this certainly explains a few things."

The tension cracked. Her shoulders relaxed as her lips curved into a genuine smile—the kind that rarely appeared in her agency profile photos. Something in my chest loosened. I’d expected suspicion or at least skepticism, not this immediate acceptance.

"How long?" she asked.

"Just today," Sloane answered before I could. "During training. I was pushing him hard and it just... happened."

I let the remote drop back onto the loveseat with a soft thump, making it look like maintaining the connection had become difficult. "Still getting used to it."

Diane stepped closer, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor. Her gaze swept over me with new interest, professional assessment replacing parental concern.

"Late manifestation. At seventeen." She shook her head, pink hair swaying with the movement. "The IHL will want to document this thoroughly. It’s not unprecedented, but it’s unusual enough to warrant a case study."

"That’s what I told him," Sloane said, her voice stronger now. "We’re going to register it tomorrow."

Diane nodded approvingly. "I’ll make some calls. Get you fast-tracked through the system." She turned to me fully. "What does it feel like?"

"Like finding a limb I didn’t know I had," I repeated the line I’d given Sloane earlier. It sounded good enough to use twice.

"Remarkable." Diane stepped closer still. "Have you named it yet? Classified the effect pattern?"

"Phantom Touch," I said. "Channeler-type. Telekinetic manipulation."

"Range?"

"About fifteen feet so far."

"Weight capacity?"

I hesitated, calculating quickly. "Small objects only. Books, remotes. Haven’t tried anything heavier."

Diane’s smile widened. She moved toward me with sudden purpose, and before I could react, she wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"I’m so happy for you, sugar," she said, her accent warming the words. "Nine years of waiting and here you are."

The hug caught me completely off guard. In all the time I’d been in this body—admittedly not long—Diane had never hugged me. From the stiffness in my shoulders and the unfamiliarity of the sensation, I’d guess the original Lukas hadn’t received many Diane Fitzgerald hugs either.

She smelled like expensive perfume and something subtle underneath—sandalwood maybe. Her body was warm against mine, curves pressing through the fabric of her suit.

〘 New Quest Alert! 〙

Oh no.

〘 EMERGENCY QUEST: FITZGERALD FOUNDATION 〙

〘 OBJECTIVE: Grope Diane Fitzgerald’s ass while she hugs you. 〙

〘 REWARD: 500 SP, Gold Gacha Pull 〙

〘 PENALTY: Your dick will temporarily shrink to 2" when viewed by anyone but you for the next month. 〙

〘 TIME REMAINING: 0:30 〙

〘 ACCEPT? Y/N 〙

〘 Y WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY SELECTED IN 5...4...3... 〙

What the fuck.

I frantically tried to reject the quest, my mind racing even as my body remained frozen in Diane’s embrace. But the countdown continued without mercy.

〘 ...2...1... 〙

〘 QUEST ACCEPTED! 〙

〘 TIME REMAINING: 0:29 〙

No no no no. This couldn’t be happening. Not Diane. Not the woman who’d taken me in after my parents died. Not while her daughter was literally standing three feet away after we’d just been caught making out.

But the clock was ticking down in my vision, a glowing red reminder of what awaited me if I failed.

〘 TIME REMAINING: 0:25 〙

Diane hadn’t released me yet. She was still talking, something about calling in a favor with the regional IHL director to expedite my registration, but the words washed over me in a meaningless blur. All I could focus on was the quest timer and the impossible task it demanded.

I couldn’t do this. It was wrong on every level. Diane wasn’t just Sloane’s mother; she was my guardian, the person who’d given me shelter and support for nine years.

〘 TIME REMAINING: 0:20 〙

But if I failed... two inches? For a month? The humiliation would be unbearable. What if Sloane and I continued whatever was happening between us? What if she saw? How would I explain it?

〘 Hesitation decreases success probability. Current window: optimal. 〙

Diane started to pull away, ending the hug. It was now or never.

God forgive me.

As her arms loosened around my shoulders, I let my right hand drop from her upper back to her lower back. Then, in a motion I tried to make look like an accidental slip during the hug’s release, I let my palm slide down and cup the curve of her ass.

Time froze. My heart stopped. My hand stayed there a millisecond too long to be accidental.

〘 QUEST COMPLETED! 〙

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