The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 26

Chapter 26: 26 | Blitz and a Bitter Aftertaste

I claimed my Gold Gacha pull with a bitter taste in my mouth, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. The shame of what I’d done to Diane still clung to me like bad cologne, but the system didn’t care about my moral crisis. Never had, never would.

"Let’s just get this over with," I muttered, activating the pull.

The interface lit up my vision with golden particles swirling around a central card. This animation was even more elaborate than the silver pulls—prismatic light effects, a musical crescendo, and vibrations I could feel in my bones. The card spun three times before revealing itself with a satisfying crack sound.

[BLITZ]

Rare · Active Skill

The space between one heartbeat and the next, crossed.

I sat up straight, suddenly alert as information flooded into my mind. This wasn’t some trash-tier moisture gimmick. This was the real deal.

Blitz—a burst dash technique that would let me cross up to ten feet in an instant. Not teleportation, but pure physical speed compressed into a fraction of a second. Enough to surprise opponents, dodge attacks, and close distances no normal human should be able to cover.

"Holy shit," I breathed, scrolling through the detailed description. "Now we’re talking!"

The skill settled into my body with a rush of kinetic potential, like a coiled spring had been installed in my muscles. I could feel the activation method clicking into place—the proper stance, the breathing technique, the full-body contraction that would launch me forward.

"Now that’s a fucking ability!" I laughed, jumping to my feet despite my exhaustion. "Almost good enough to make me forget I had to grab my adoptive mother’s ass."

Almost.

Her ass had been soft. Firm too. The Fitzgerald women were built different—curves that belonged on magazine covers, not just walking around regular houses making regular people feel inadequate. Sloane with her athletic build and perfect thighs. Diane with her...

I slapped my own face. "Stop it. Bad Lukas."

〘 Would you like to equip [BLITZ] now? 〙

"Hell yes."

A notification appeared immediately:

〘 [DAMPEN] has been added to your inventory. 〙

I frowned. "Wait, I don’t lose the ability?"

〘 Abilities are never deleted once acquired. They remain in your inventory and can be equipped or unequipped as needed. 〙

"That’s... actually pretty useful." Maybe there’d be some niche scenario where making things slightly moist would save my life. Probably not, but you never know.

I noticed a small lock icon next to Blitz in my ability list. "What’s with the lock?"

〘 Swapping abilities locks them for twelve hours before they can be swapped out again. This prevents ability cycling during combat and encourages strategic loadout planning. 〙

"Makes sense, I guess." I fell back onto the bed. Blitz combined with Spectral Reach meant I could dash in close, then attack from three different angles at once. I could dodge attacks no baseline human should be able to avoid. I could actually be combat effective.

A thought occurred to me. "Wait a second. If I keep pulling better abilities, wouldn’t it make sense to change my fake Aspect? Phantom Touch is based on Spectral Reach, but what if I get something cooler? Something with more punch?"

〘 Changing your registered Aspect after initial documentation would raise significant suspicion and require additional falsified evidence. Current deception architecture is stable but fragile. 〙

I chewed my lip, thinking it through. "So I’d be limiting my growth potential by sticking with an Aspect that only mimics what I could already do when I registered it."

〘 Correct. However, maintaining consistency in your public power signature increases survivability in the short term. 〙

"Hmm. Long-term growth versus short-term safety." I tapped my fingers against my chest. "What if I registered my Aspect as something vague enough to encompass multiple abilities? Something that could reasonably expand as I pull more skills?"

〘 +2 Intelligence for deductive reasoning. This system was going to force you to learn that lesson through failure. 〙

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