The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 3

Chapter 3: 3 | A 1% Increase in Temptation is Not Worth a 94% Chance of Consequences

"Mom’s already on a plane to New York," Sloane said, breaking the silence. "She said she would be back in a week."

"Cool."

"Are you going to make something or just stand there drinking coffee?"

"Coffee is breakfast."

"Coffee isn’t good enough for breakfast dumbass. You’re not an old man."

I Shrugged. "Diane has coffee for breakfast all the time."

"Diane is an old woman, they live by different rules."

"She isn’t—" I started automatically until I realized Lukas didn’t know hold old Diane really was. Apparently it had been a joke between the three of them to try to find out how old their mother really was.

Sloane’s lips curved into a smirk. "According to what I found, she is anywhere from thirty-eight to fifty-seven."

"Wow. glad you narrowed it down so much. Your deductive skills are scary Sloane."

"Tch, shut up."

I took another sip of coffee and watched Sloane over the rim of my mug. Sloane went back to drinking her protein shake. The Temptation Gauge in the corner of my vision was still at 22 percent.

All that means is I had 34 hours to raise that number up and complete a quest that would get me badly wounded if I actually attempted it.

Thanks for the quest system, really feeling like a golden middle finger right now.

"Quit staring at me weirdo." Sloane said without looking at him.

"I’m just thinking."

"About what?"

"If I want to make some toast and jelly to go with my coffee."

"Even an idiot could see you aren’t thinking about that."

No shit! I’m thinking about how I can complete this mission to smack your ass and keep my manhood!

I finished my coffee and cleaned the mug in the sink. "Well, I’m going back to my room now."

"Why? You just got here."

"Yeah and now I’m leaving."

Sloane pushed off the counter and i tried my hardest to not notice how it made her breast jiggle. Task failed spectacularly. "You’re being weird today," she repeated and stepped closer to me. "What’s the matter with you?"

"I feel fantastic."

"Bullshit." Sloane was close enough that I could smell the citrus body spray she used after completing her workouts and see her full luscious lips. "You’ve been off since you came here and spent your time staring at my ass. You had a nightmare or something?"

The concern in her voice under the insults caught me off guard. She actually seemed really worried about me.

Well, about Lukas.

I mean they did live together for nine years and she had a front row seat in seeing Lukas grow from a traumatized eight-year-old into... well whatever her opinion was of Lukas before he took over.

"I didn’t stare at your ass and I’m fine, just a little tired."

"You went to bed early last night though."

"Yeah, had a rough night of sleep."

Sloane studied my face with those beautiful blue eyes of hers searching for something. "You’d let me know if something was wrong, right?"

Shit, would Lukas tell her? Judging from his memories he seems like the type to keep his emotions close to his chest in order to not be a burden to anyone.

"Sure," I lied.

"Liar."

She reached up and flicked my forehead hard enough to sting. "You’re an idiot, you know that?"

"Ow!! What was that for?"

"For being weird and not explaining why." She stepped back, grabbing her shake. "I’m going to shower. Try not to be such a weirdo when I get back."

She walked past me toward the doorway, and the quest timer pulsed again.

35:45:12.

My hand twitched.

The system really wanted me to do this right now with her back turned to me and her juicy ass right there for a smacking.

Absolutely not.

[ORACLE FEED UPDATE]

[Optimal completion window detected]

[Subject is distracted]

[Success probability: 78%]

[Consequence probability: 94%]

That consequence probability seemed more relevant than the success rate.

Sloane paused in the doorway, looking back over her shoulder. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You’re staring again."

"I’m not staring."

"You’re literally staring right now."

She was right, I was staring directly at her ass.

This was bad.

"Just admiring the scenery," I said before my brain could stop my mouth.

Her eyes went wide. "What did you just say?"

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