The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism novel Chapter 377

Chapter 377: 377 | Professor Caden’s Fine Art of Romantic Pursuit

Percy’s blush somehow deepened. "That was for research purposes."

"What research purpose requires you to know that her laugh has a ’melodic quality with a frequency range between 250 and 400 hertz that produces a measurable positive psychological response in adjacent listeners’?"

"You read my notebook?"

"You left it open on your desk during Crane’s lecture. The page was visible. I have excellent peripheral vision."

Percy made a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper, dropping his head into his hands. "This is a disaster. My data collection methodology has been compromised by personal bias."

"Your data collection methodology has been compromised by having a crush, which is different and considerably less scientific." I leaned back against the locker behind me. "Look, I’m not judging. Rina’s great. She’s got that whole soft energy thing going on that makes people want to protect her even though her Aspect could probably sedate an entire city block if she wanted it to. The horns are cute. The tail is cute. She’s cute. You’re allowed to notice."

"Noticing and acting on the observation are categorically different risk profiles," Percy mumbled through his hands. "The potential for rejection introduces variables I haven’t adequately modeled."

"The potential for rejection is part of the deal, man. That’s how it works."

"That’s statistically terrifying."

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, a locker door slammed open approximately six feet to my left and Caden Holt emerged from behind it like a golden retriever who had just heard the word "walk."

"ROMANCE?"

Oh no.

"Did someone say romance?" Caden was already moving toward us, his entire body radiating the specific energy of someone whose internal radar had just picked up a signal he’d been waiting for. "My romance radar is going off. It’s been going off since I walked in here but I thought maybe it was just the body spray confusing my senses and now I’m hearing actual romance-related conversation which means this is real and I am HERE for it."

Percy lifted his head from his hands to stare at Caden with the expression of a man watching his own execution approach at high speed.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," he said weakly.

"You’re blushing so hard I can feel the heat from here. Your ears are red. Your neck is red. You’ve got the whole tomato gradient happening and it’s beautiful and it means one of two things, either you’re having a medical emergency or there’s a girl involved." Caden dropped onto the bench on Percy’s other side, trapping him between us. "Based on the context clues and the way Lukas just said ’Rina’ like it meant something, I’m going with option B."

"There’s no girl," Percy said, which was such an obvious lie that even his voice didn’t seem to believe it.

"There’s definitely a girl." Caden was grinning now, the kind of grin that suggested this was the best thing that had happened to him all week. "There’s a girl and you like her and you haven’t done anything about it because you’re you and you think everything needs to be planned and documented and risk-assessed before you can take action."

"That’s... not inaccurate," Percy admitted miserably.

"Which is why you need help." Caden threw his arm around Percy’s shoulders with the enthusiasm of someone who had just been handed a new project. "Which is why this is perfect. Which is why Operation Get Percy To Ask Out Rina is officially a go."

Percy’s expression shifted from miserable to horrified. "That’s not a real operation."

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