The Shy Beauty and the Billionaire Beast (Ana and Jaxon) novel Chapter 26

*Jaxon's pnt of view*

I held Ana until she fell asleep, she had quietly let her tears fall while I rocked her side to side. She didn't protest when I laid us down, and eventually she fell asleep. I tucked her in, then I made my way out of the room.

I sat on the balcony and looked up at the stars. The night sky never failed to amaze me, nor did it fail to calm me.

My heart, beat anxiously, I was afraid to lose her.

And Ana... I couldn't lose Ana.

I couldn't believe it how I lost control and hit her. It is not in my nature to put my hands on a woman... not unless they wanted me to.

I looked up at the moon and the twinkling stars, a picture so familiar, a sense of Deja vu washing over me. I shook my head and dragged my palms down my face as I grunted. When I pulled them away, I took notice of the various lines that marked my wrists and forearms.

Those dark days suddenly washed over my brain, and then I remembered his words "You're an idiot. It's your fault she's dead. I never wanted children, but your mother did. The moment I saw your eyes, I knew you'd won over your mom. It was always about you, and now, well now she's dead. The only woman on this earth that could possibly love you. You were a curse the moment you were born, and now you're cursed for life, you will never find someone to love you."

Those words rang clearly in my brain, because from the day my mother died, my father made sure he repeated those words to me every day, until he also went 6 feet under. Had it not been for Sonya, I wouldn't be alive.

The last time I cut, I ended up in the hospital, followed by 30 days in a psych ward. Sonya threatened to leave me if I ever hurt myself again, afraid to see my father's words come true, I had to keep myself from cutting.

I sighed as I looked the faint lines, they were almost gone from my skin, but I knew that these scars would never really be forgotten.

"You're a monster... You're an idiot." those words, those words made me lose my humanity.

"Oh mom..." I sighed, my heart breaking, as my eyes searched the star dotted heavens.

"I am such an idiot. Maybe dad was right..." I chuckled bitterly.

"I am cursed... No one could truly love me, I can't be loved." I sighed, and closed my eyes, a single tear making its way out if my right eye. I couldn't even bother to wipe it away.

Ana's sobs resonated in my ear, and my chest constricted, her words "You're a monster" echoed in my brain, and my head hurt.

I love her. God, I love her.

I knew that had to let her go. I had to give her some space. She deserved way better than me. But if I let her go, she wouldn't come back. I knew she wouldn't come back.

A cold wind urged me to wrap a blanket around me, and soon I drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the sound of humming, and a soft hand petting my hair. I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was, the smell of strawberries and lavender kissed my nostrils, and I smiled, leaning into her loving embrace.

"You're not an idiot my son. You're just a boy with a traumatic past. Ana is a lovely girl, but she's different. She's special. She's a good girl, don't take her innocence away, like your father did to you. Love her, swoon her, be kind to her." Said her heavenly voice, then I felt a shadow of her lips on my forehead, right before I woke up.

Ana was standing over me, looking down at me with a scolding glare, her arms crossed.

"Problem there princess?" I asked, my voice almost gone.

"You're an idiot. What are you doing sleeping out here in the cold, with only a flimsy blanket?" She asked as she looked down at me.

"It wasn't planned, I just came out for a while, I guess I fell asleep." I said, explaining myself... which was a first.

"Get inside." She ordered.

"Wait hold on there prin-"

"No Dixon can’t-"

"Jaxon!" She sent me a fixed glare.

My eyes widened slightly; Ana could be scary then.

"Dixon can wait." I agreed with her.

"Can I at least send him a an email?" I bargained.

"No."

"But-"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

As she placed her hand on my forehead again, I grabbed her hand and stopped her. She looked at me and tried to pull her hand away, but I needed her to hear what I have to say.

"I'm sorry, about last night, and for hurting your feelings, and for mistreating you. I'm a monster you're right. But there's something you should know." I said looking at her.

"Jaxon-"

"I'm cursed Ana." I declared.