The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 129

Chapter 129-1

I repeated it like a mantra. What did he owe me? With all the money he had put into my account, someone more sensible would have considered this story finished and would have gone back home to forget everything that had happened, but he wasn’t like that, I realized. And I couldn’t help thinking about the consequences this would have, in the long term. He had done everything possible to make it clear that his father had not liked the idea of him marrying an ordinary woman. How did he expect me to remain so calm?

It wasn’t that simple.

“Let it go! I know, it’s just that…” I lied, and hugged myself under my coat with a sigh of indecision. “I suppose I’m still afraid.”

“You have no reason to be afraid. Just try to return to your normal life. I guarantee right here that nothing bad is going to happen to you as long as you are under my protection.”

I could only believe him. I trusted him too much.

We crossed the wide riverside avenue and walked for a while along the sidewalk next to the railing that separated us from the river. There was no wind, but it was very cold and my coat wasn’t suitable for a walk like that; my knees began to tremble and he noticed, naturally.

“You’re cold. We’ve walked enough,” he concluded, and it was a statement based on his superior instinct. “I’d better take you back to your hotel. I’m entertaining you for the others.” “No! I’m fine, really,” I lied, and he frowned severely. “I want to walk a little more, I need fresh air… it’s still early. I’m not cold, seriously.”

“Don’t underestimate my nose, Johanna. If you don’t want to go back, then you’ll accept this,” he replied with a low growl. He took off his coat and made me put it on; the garment was warm and carried the scent of his perfume, a perfume that was not the one I remembered and at first unsettled me even more. My heart beat very fast while Alexander calmly fastened the buttons one by one. He was so tall and so close that for a moment I wished to touch the scar on his face and ask him once and for all what was wrong. “No, don’t say anything. I grew up in the mountains; this cold doesn’t even tickle me. I’m fine.”

“All right, all right,” I agreed, annoyed.

It

eemed he was wearing only that shirt and those dark jeans, which were not the best for being outdoors, but I must not forget who I was dealing with.

I must never forget it.

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Chapter 129

“Can we stop here for a moment?” I insisted when he fastened the last button. “The river looks beautiful from this side. I’ve never been to London before; it’s a magnificent city. I think I’ll take advantage of my visit as much as I can, there’s a lot I’d like to see.”

Alexander straightened up and sighed. The air left his mouth in a thick white cloud.

“When will you return to the United States?” he wanted to know.

“In two days. I’m staying at my editor’s place. How about we invite them to lunch tomorrow?”

“I bet the children will love the idea. Of course, I’ll cover the expenses, naturally.” He looked at me seriously when I was about to reply, then tilted his head with a frank warning smile that let me see his large fangs. “No. Don’t say it. Just accept it: it’s on me.”

He no longer seemed upset, but it did not escape me that he said “the children will love it” and did not include himself in the idea. That made it official–something was not right, and I was dying to know what it was; ironically, I felt I would start whining like a desperate puppy if he didn’t tell me soon. We stopped, as I had asked, and Alexander leaned his elbows on the metal railing without saying anything. I watched him for a moment while he looked at the city lights. I also remained silent, searching for the best way to approach him and the words that would help me draw out what was troubling him.

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Chapter 129-2

He must have sensed my unease, because he did exactly what I wanted him to do. He let it

out

“I’ve been thinking a lot about Anya,” he said suddenly, I think when the silence between us became unhealthy. “Since she returned to Russia and the police investigation procedures ended, since I was allowed to give her the Christian burial she deserved, it’s the only thing I can think about.”

So that was it. I should have imagined it. A stab of pain gripped my chest.

*…it’s natural,” I told him, and leaned beside him, under the shelter of his warmth and his imposing presence. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…”

“It’s all right, Alexander. You can tell me.” I tried to reassure him and the only thing that occurred to me was to place my hand on his forearm that had once been broken, squeezing it lightly. I wasn’t very sure how to continue, but I did anyway. “I’ve been wanting to ask you all night why you’ve been so quiet and distant. Now I know. You’re not well, are you? It’s been almost six months, but I know it hurts as if it were the first day. I’ve been there, remember? Don’t worry.”

I think that’s why he had come back to me. Because I understood him.

“Something like that,” he admitted, in a very low voice.

“Do you want to talk about it? I don’t mind, truly.”

“I don’t know what good it would do. You were right all along, and what’s more terrible is that I knew it.” He began, his voice hard, like a reprimand to himself. “You said it clearly: I caused it myself. And it fell on me with all its weight.”

I encouraged him to speak with my silence, not taking my eyes off him. He did not turn toward me; he continued looking ahead, and the riverside lights illuminated his angular profile.

“What happened with the cats is secondary, an occupational hazard. The problems of beasts are solved in the way of beasts, after all; but I couldn’t fix the problem I had with Anya that way.”

“Obviously not,” I agreed softly.

“…and I didn’t make many efforts to fix it either.”

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Chapter Ka

“Why do you say that?”

“Because that’s how it was!” The anger with which he answered almost made me jump, but I understood it was hatred toward himself. “She was terrified and didn’t even dare to touch me. She wasn’t crazy, she was just afraid of me. Anya needed help, and I didn’t want her to receive it. I didn’t want to take her to a professional, for fear they would put her in a psychiatric institution and take her away from me forever. The necessary thing. I was selfish and decided for both of us. She was perfectly capable of being the same as always in public, as if she trusted that I wouldn’t expose myself in front of the people who still believed I was an ordinary man; but in private, she avoided me. It was very strange. I should have listened to my mother when she advised me to think very carefully about what I was going to do.”

**

this

your mother knew you were thinking of running away with her?”

“No, no. My mother knew that what I had with Anya was more serious than my father was willing to accept. She didn’t like it either, but she was always very permissive with me. Everyone was very indulgent with me, except my father.”

“I understand.”

He was silent for another while, and through his arm I felt how he trembled entirely. I was surprised at the firmness with which he could keep speaking, even though tears had gathered in his eyes.

“After Sasha was born, things improved a little, you know?” he continued, and this time a small smile appeared on his lips, as if those times were pleasant to remember. “Anya became very happy when I assured her that Sasha would not be like me and like Andre, that she would never shift form. That gave her back a bit of her soul; I could have continued working on that and perhaps, just perhaps, I could have found an honorable solution to our problem. I was willing to give her a divorce if she asked for it, so she could be at peace. But Anya never asked me for it, and by the time I started noticing those signs of improvement, I was already too busy with that second–rate lion and training Andre. It was my fault; I let her close in on herself more and more.

“My mother was right. I should have spoken to her about my nature from the beginning. And I didn’t, because I was afraid she would abandon me even before we started a life together. In the end, I made all of that happen at the same time; I pushed her to stop taking care of Andre, to distance herself from me because she couldn’t stand the smell of her own fear. She would hug him if my son asked her to, and show him affection, but I sensed how empty and reluctant her gestures were, and it made me angry. I sensed her rejection. I started taking care of Andre by myself, sparing her from doing things, until Anya finally separated from both of us and devoted herself to Sasha. I think what bothered me most about the situation was that she didn’t resist; it filled me with resentment,” he continued, and I didn’t dare interrupt

Chapter 129-2

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him, not in that moment of sincerity that was so important to him. “I got angry with Anya for not insisting more. How stupid is that? I loved her. I still love her, for God’s sake.”

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