The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 131

Chapter 131-1

Paul’s death was so regretted that it took everything from me. Even the intention to feel desire for someone–maybe for the rest of my life. It wasn’t my fault, I suppose, that my most intimate self had thought of blocking me that way.

But there, at my front door, with that man (even if he wasn’t entirely human) standing near the porch, looking at me with such a confident, fang–filled smile and those blue eyes so attentive, so shrewd… I felt it again. I felt something being reborn in me–something I had been refusing to accept for a long time in order to avoid guilt.

I felt it again with an intensity that left me breathless.

When I went to my house with the children, it was naturally impossible to allow myself to feel anything other than the rejoicing of being all together. Of course, guilt stung me, because the children were there, and although I was sure it wouldn’t bother them if I took their mother’s place, I took refuge in the convenient excuse that what I didn’t want was to be a crude replacement for Alexander’s wife. The children already thought of me with a special affection, but he… well, with him it was different. That’s why the first question I asked myself when I saw him wasn’t “Why are you here?”

Rather, it was “Why are you here, ALONE?”

“Why are you doing this to me, when I’m sure you can perceive what’s happening to me better than I can?”

Kit and Kim got worked up. They greeted him with barking and ended up running around him. Alexander crouched so they could sniff his hands, and then the dogs calmed down. I suppose his “alpha” influence affected them too.

He straightened up and smiled at me again. He carried a long coat draped over one arm, a laptop carrying case in the other, and a travel bag strap over his shoulder. He had arrived in a truck with the company logo on the sides–a black four–wheel–drive Cherokee, ideal for crossing the country in the harshest winter. I liked that he assumed I would just let him into my house, even though he was alone.

I went down the porch steps and went out to greet him, struggling to form a smile on my lips that wasn’t too exaggeratedly happy.

He hugged me, even though that wasn’t the customary greeting in his country.

And I liked that he hugged me. It filled me for a moment with the subtle scent of his

aftershave cologne. I would have wished my nostrils were flooded with the smell of his skin- pure and natural–and not with a perfume capable of hiding it.

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I wasn’t going to complain, anyway, because he was there, and his presence alone calmed

1. me.

How did I become so dependent on him?

I grew quiet and felt lost when Alexander wasn’t there, and the silence of the house without the children was almost ghostly–it became more and more unbearable. My perception of life was complex, but I didn’t go back to therapy; I felt that would take them away from me forever.

Kit and Kim, with their barking and the barking of their adorable puppies, were a balm that made everything a little more bearable. Even my goddaughter was a gift that made me smile, and I was fairly content with my career, busy with a thousand little things. Everything served to mask a reality that was becoming increasingly evident: I needed to reach a balance, and I kept denying it to myself.

I denied it because he was still present, and as long as that was a constant, everything else ‘could be managed.

I didn’t realize that Alexander’s visits with Andre and Sasha were becoming more frequent (every three months at first, and then once a month or every month and a half) because time away from him and the little ones felt equally eternal to me–whether it was a week or a year.

Alexander pulled away from me and smiled again, pleased.

“It’s so good to see you. What are you doing on this side?” I asked him, perhaps with too much joy.

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< Chapter 131-2

Chapter 131-2

“I’m on my way to a branch in Salem, and I thought I’d make a stop here for today. Can I

come in?”

Driving to Salem, Oregon. That was strange.

But was I really going to stop and think about it more?

“You know you can. And the children?”

“In Bratsk, with my mother.”

He never said “at home.” He always mentioned the place where the children were or where his house was (this was in Krasnoyarsk, far to the north), but it was never “his home,” I realized. I had heard him mention Bratsk a couple of times. I supposed he no longer had a place he could truly call “home,” with genuine ownership.

I don’t know what part of that certainty made me sadder–believing Alexander was no longer okay anywhere, or believing he only behaved like himself when he was in my house. The man who spoke at press conferences and was interviewed at events all across Europe had absolutely no resemblance to this Alexander.

We went inside, with the dogs ahead, and Kim went to her cushion–bed with her puppies. I hung Alexander’s coat behind the door while he watched the female dog and her family with interest from a prudent distance.

“Well. What do we have here? How many did she have?” he asked cautiously.

Even if Kit obeyed him, she was very territorial with her little ones. She might bite someone.

“Seven. Aren’t they precious? They were born last week–I already told Nika. She was happy. She said that when they’re a few weeks older and the dog has weaned them, she’ll come for them,” I commented, and approached with my arms crossed. “I don’t know if I want her to take them so soon. Anyway… why didn’t you fly straight to Salem? It would’ve been easier.”

Alexander watched my puppies a moment longer and then turned to me, calm.

“I was in Indiana yesterday, in New York the day before yesterday, in Portugal and before that in three other destinations… the flight to the United States was the last thing I could stand, so I decided to take a vehicle the rest of the way. I just want it to all be over so I can go back to Krasnoyarsk and stay there with the children,” he explained, loosening his tie. He handed me the laptop bag and the travel bag when I asked for them with a silent gesture. “It’s only twice a year, but these tours make my hair stand on end. And I need it to end once and for all. I

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promised Andre that soon I’d take him hunting at Baikal with the boys. He’s going to turn ten, and I think it’s a good age for his first expedition.”

I nodded and placed his bags on the sofa, next to the empty space where my cats used to be. Lily and Nana had hidden; they always ran away when Alexander or the children were near them.

I thought for a moment about everything he had said. Of course–since he was in charge of VLC Air Services & Logistics, and with it being the direct competitor to FedEx and DHL, he had a lot of commercial responsibilities. Ones that had nothing to do with his hidden life as a werewolf and potential “alpha” of an entire race.

It must have been complicated to combine his people’s activities with the duties of his public persona, but wasn’t it like that for all of them? As far as I knew, there were werewolves in very important positions worldwide, not to mention the feline hybrids.

“I can imagine,” I agreed, smiling. “Sit down, go on. You must be tired.”

“No, surprisingly, not that. I’ve slept well these days. I’m fine. Thank you.”

Neither of us was going to ask if he could or wanted to spend the night at my house. Alexander knew the guest room was available, and I didn’t have to offer it; we both assumed it would happen.

We always omitted that part.

“Besides, Christmas is almost just around the corner,” he said, his tone somewhat hesitant at first. “Why don’t you spend it with us this year? We can go visit Moscow–you’ll love it. The Kremlin covered in snow is beautiful.”

The proposal caught me completely off guard, so much so that I felt heat rise automatically to my cheeks, and I felt an overwhelming need to go into the kitchen, nervous. I think almost immediately I started thinking of an excuse to tell my parents, and everything. He followed me, keeping a prudent distance.

“Don’t tell me you came all the way here to tell me that,” I joked. “There’s a phone.”

“No, no, of course it wasn’t for that,” he cleared his throat, leaning against the doorframe, watching me go over the countertop that was already clean from earlier. “I’m passing through, like I said, but suddenly it occurs to me it might be a good idea. What do you think?”

“…I’d have to arrange a few things.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Alexander, you just arrived. Why don’t you sit down for a moment?” I laughed and pointed to

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the chair. He undid the first button of his shirt after taking off his tie, and I couldn’t help thinking how handsome he looked with that shadow of beard on his cheeks. The beard always made him look older than his thirty years. “Come on, grab a chair. I’ll make you some coffee. Do you want pie? I have pecan cake and… or would you rather wait a bit and we have dinner? I was going to make chicken.”

“Anything will be fine, thank you.”

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