The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 49

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I simply watched him go down the stairs in silence, and then returned to the guest room, terrified. I was shaking like a leaf. I could not only imagine what everyone was feeling-l KNEW IT WELL.

The bath relaxed me, yes. It served its purpose. I stopped feeling dirty and handled. I felt like a broken doll, like a chew toy torn to shreds with no possibility of repair.

I don’t remember if it was then or after getting out of the tub that I burst into tears. It was much stronger than me. I was in shock and needed more painkillers; I should have gone to Hans, but I didn’t. I also don’t know how long I spent crying, trying to be silent and brief. I didn’t manage to be brief, that I’m sure of. It took me a while to pull myself together and stop trembling again, but I managed when I thought again about the children, and about the obvious fact that they trusted me. Their mother was gone, and although the baby didn’t even realize it, I knew she could feel it as much as her brother. Andre and Sasha needed all the protection they could get, and I could give them something. Even if it was meager, my effort had to be worth something-I realized that I myself wanted to make it worth something.

That gave me strength

I left the bathroom already dressed, and when I went down to the kitchen the doctor received me and adjusted the patches on my wound and then rebandaged them, made me take another pill that wasn’t a sedative, and injected me with an antibiotic. Alexander was nowhere to be seen, but I didn’t want to ask where he had gone. Hans and Ishida were the only ones I saw at that moment. Even though what the doctor gave me didn’t make me sleepy, I felt that the safest place to be was somewhere I could be alone-at least until my mind recovered from the emotional ups and downs of the last twenty-four hours. So I took the spare laptop from the living room and went upstairs, with slow, heavy steps. A small part of me wanted to return to my bedroom to be with the children for a while, but…

I couldn’t. I went into the guest room and tried to calm myself. What other option did I have?

I don’t really know what time it was when I went back downstairs, but it was late.

I was very hungry, that much I know. I had tried to write, but all that came out were a few words. I couldn’t concentrate unless I was in my usual room, with my usual computer and my usual background music. I deleted the file and gave in to hunger. I don’t know why, in that dead time, I didn’t take advantage of it to look up information about these new people under my roof. Maybe I didn’t because when I thought about it, I felt even hungrier. And I wanted something not only to fill my stomach, but also to see if I could use it to occupy a little of the emptiness that had suddenly appeared inside my body.

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< Chapter 49-1

When I reached the foot of the stairs, my mood changed quite a bit.

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The Japanese man was with his computers in the living room (he greeted me with a nod as I passed), and on the big couch Christian was sleeping in total comfort. I saw a sleeping bag behind another couch, near the fireplace. A huge sleeping bag, actually, and from one side a lock of dark, rather short hair was sticking out. I assumed that was Richie, the Australian

werewolf.

I went into the kitchen quietly, only to find Hans and his daughter again, drinking coffee, both seated at my new table. It was jarring to see the dark table where I used to have a white one, and in my mind the images of the floor drawn with my own blood sometimes overlapped the

clean tiles.

I tried not to let any of that affect me, and greeted them both when I came in. Hans returned the greeting with a kind gesture and his daughter barely looked at me, but growled something that sounded like “hello.” Then the two of them started talking in German, and since I didn’t understand anything they were saying, I focused on making myself a sandwich with some ham and cheese. That’s what I was doing when I noticed more garbage bags by the kitchen door, one of them quite large. I imagined they were the “fur changes” from Christian and the black wolf, Richie.

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<Chapter 49-2

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another scene like the one the other day-especially not with his comrades downstairs.

By the time I realized what I was doing (and scolded myself again for it), I could no longer hear the shower running.

And a good stretch of time passed in which nothing seemed to happen inside the bathroom.

I frowned. I don’t know-maybe fifteen minutes of silence went by, and I had stayed standing there the whole quarter hour. Either Alexander had noticed the lack of towels, or something wasn’t right. The hurting part of me leaned more toward the second. Worried, I lifted my fist and knocked softly on the door. Alexander took a while to open, though in the end he peeked out, his face still dripping water from his hair, and looked at me with his characteristic calm, as if nothing were wrong.

He didn’t fool me that easily. His eyes were tired and reddened.

I swallowed, quite nervous, and showed him the towels.

“I think you don’t have any. I forgot to change them after I showered this afternoon,” I commented, almost apologetically. I held out the bundle. “I’m going to make some ham sandwiches for everyone-I suppose you must be hungry.”

It sounded like an ordinary dinner invitation, and I felt stupid.

Alexander stretched his arm into the hallway to take the towels, but that impulsive, reckless side of me-the one I can’t control-made me take a step back to pull away. When his blue, contrary eyes met mine, I felt I had to open my mouth and tell him what I had been thinking about for quite a while now…

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