Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book novel Chapter 54

“I should have found her a long time ago, before any of this. I should have looked harder, but I was young, and stupid, and I believed in my father when he said it was for the best.”

Oh, for the love of god! I give up, eyeroll upwards at the fates and mentally ask them is this is deliberate. I mean, when you decide to avoid a topic and they just keep pushing it between us like some sort of annoying sign, it starts to grate a tiny bit.

That heartbreak and rawness in the croaking tone tells me finally though, how much the betrayal of his father is screwing him up, and I focus all my energy on that and not the universe trying to make me smother him with his own hoody. I instinctively wrap my arm around his, hoping contact will keep me from heinous beatings, and lean my head on his shoulder in a bid to blank them out. I really want to ease his pain, as it ebbs through me and waves inside of my own heart and stomach. He’s still trying to shield me but this close, he’s failing to do it fully, and I can feel it inside of me.

It’s heavy, and deep, and consuming, and I forget everything about being upset with him or angry. I slide my flattened palm along his arm instinctively, cover the back of the hand he has laid on his mom’s and entwine my fingers in his, so we hold hands on top of hers. Colton turns his head with my contact and rests his chin and mouth on top of my hair, pushing in against me so we’re half cuddling but not really, just touching, leaning together, and for once I don’t push him away or feel the need to jump out of proximity. We both exhale at the same time, a heavy releasing of tension, and hurt, and energy, as we sag together, and everything pauses for a second. That calm silence his touch always brings me.

I can feel him feeding from me, soothing him slightly with my touch like an imprinted mate is meant too, and I close my eyes and enjoy the stolen moment I’m allowing myself. I can push everything else aside and pretend that it’s okay to be what he needs when it’s about her. When the topic isn’t us, and markings, and anything other than being a support for someone who really needs it.

“I don’t know how to lead, Lorey. These people, this pack. I’m just a kid. I’m not ready.” The devastation and self-doubt rips through me as it waves over me from him, and I look up from my nestled position, shifting to see his face without breaking away. Hating that he feels so out of whack and the normal confident rock I’ve come to depend on is wavering.

“You’re a born leader. Maybe it seems hard right now, and things aren’t clear, but Colton, you are the best for your people. Look around. They’re here with you. You did this. Safe, protected, you stood up and made a stand for them against someone you love. You put them first, always. The good of the pack, it’s always your primary focus, even when other things get in the way. How can you doubt that? It’s what makes you the strongest kind of leader!” I praise him with honesty, heartfelt, and hushed, as I whisper the words he needs to remember. How he can doubt himself this way is beyond me, when everything I know about him makes it obvious, he was always going to be the best kind of alpha. He is!

“Maybe I just want to be a kid who’s selfish. Who took the girl he wanted and walked away, and screw all this. I should have left with you. Belonged with you, wherever you went.” He sounds defeated and I know this isn’t him. This is a tired and uncertain guy who has had a lot thrown at him. In one day, his ex-mate resurfaces, dragging his long-lost mom along, and he finds out his father kept her prisoner, after murdering his own people and destroyed the life he thought he knew.

It hurts to hear him say it, feel it. The regret of what happened with us, even while I’m trying to ignore it. The tears bite at my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat, that almost chokes me, inflicting a unique kind of body and brain ache that’s hard to shake off.

“Maybe you should have, but you would never have forgiven yourself. You made the choices you made for the good of the pack, even if it hurt us. If you left them, he would never have relinquished control, and they would be suffering still. The fates had a plan, and maybe leaving with me would have changed my path and never led me to her. And what about her? You’ve waited for her for ten years; she needs you too. They all do. I finally see how all of this is so much bigger than us, Colton. Why it had to be that we couldn’t be together. It was by design, and we did what we were meant to, even you when you rejected me.” I nod at Sierra, my own voice strained with my own undercurrents of agonizing emotions, knowing that all of this is his pain talking and the desire to run away from everything hurting him. A normal flight or fight response, and I felt the same when I learned about all of it, in fact I still feel this way. To run and bury my head and wish it’d been different. It’s fear, it’s overwhelm, but it’s pointless and running isn’t going to fix any of this anymore. Juan has to pay; the balance has to be restored, and Sierra needs her son. Colton needs to lead.

Colton sighs, slides his arms under me fully and picks me up, surprising me with the sudden maneuver, and drags me to his lap where he wraps himself around me. He buries his head under my chin, against my chest so I have no other option than to hold him too, taking from me what he needs, even if he should have asked first. I relent and wrap him up in a hug, being the strength he’s lacking, while doubt and heartbreak consumes him. It’s both awful, and yet the best thing, to allow myself to be this way for a while even if it confuses my heart all the more.

“The people, the war, the future… it’s all interwoven. Us, your mom, your dad… we can’t run away from any of this. Even if we wanted to. We’re part of it, even in our mistakes, even in our heartbreak. The fates, they know what they’re doing and for whatever reason they did this to us, it’ll make sense in time.” I run my fingers through his thick short hair, stroking it back and lulling him against me. Caring for him, giving him what I can as it starts to stir up all kinds of longings, and warm sensations in the pit of my stomach being this connected to him.

“I denied the fates, Lorey. Maybe I was meant to find her with you, by your side. Maybe I screwed everything up by rejecting you.” He squeezes me harder, pulling me closer so I end up almost entangled in his body fully, and it starts to feel inappropriate and way too intimate as I naturally fit up against him in the hollow of his lap. Especially with my ass nestling in his groin, and I’m fully aware he’s carrying a pretty healthy package, because it’s now worked somehow into a position where it’s wedged in between my ass cheeks and distracts from the heavy feelings of this scenario. Distraction at its finest, a pretty sizeable one at that, and I try and focus back on what I’m meant to, but it’s not an easy task.

My eyes scan the room for signs of Carmen crashing in here, because of my own guilty libido as my nether regions tingle. I’m heating up with being this close, skin starting to sizzle, and stomach flipping over at something so nothing and stupid. I don’t seem to have much control over it now, when all I can focus on is the fact, I can feel it through his pants, and mine, and it’s impressive. It being… you know…. his ummm.

It’s not like I haven’t seen it, when he’s turned from wolf to human again, just somehow when he’s standing up and there’s a lot of abs, pecks and muscles all levelling out the eye candy, you don’t really size up what you don’t want to get caught looking at. I looked that one time, accidently, and it was memorable.

I wriggle in a bid to get his ‘situation’ from under me, not that it’s reacting much, it’s that I’m painfully aware of it through thin sweats, and once your head goes somewhere like that, it’s hard to get it back out of the gutter. I’ve been having lucid pornographic dreams about him these past weeks while out there alone, but the reality feels a lot more…. Substantial and within grasp. Swallowing hard, trying to rake my mind, and hearing back to him and failing badly.

I start blushing crazily, aware I’m being a freak. Heat spreading up from my boobs, neck, and cheeks, that makes me sweat instantly, and overheat, so that I must be turning rosy visibly. Becoming that awkward, sex starved, teen virgin, you read about in young adult romance books. Scared to now put my hand anywhere, and flinch anytime I feel an ounce of movement under me, while trying to avoid looking down, or directly at him, and subtly attempting an escape from impalement without drawing attention to it.

“I don’t think they ever intended you to be with me. This is where you’re needed. They wouldn’t give you a role if they didn’t think you could do it.” My words are rushed, babbling mainly, cheeks flushing, a little breathless. Focusing on sliding sideways like some sad little untouched having a freak out, because he has a penis, and it’s like I just realized, because I’m sitting on it. Distracted from the levity of what we’re talking about because Colton is making me …. hot. That’s the word! Really, really hot. Squirmy. My whole body pulsating with need now that it’s caught on to what’s happening. I think I’m experiencing my first full on hormonal breakdown, full haze mode initiated, and craving things I shouldn’t.

My wiggling does seem to change the atmosphere a little, and the way he frowns at me as he sits up and glances down at my weird moving in his lap, says it all. I react by looking much like a rabbit caught in the headlights, widening my eyes in embarrassment, and try to smile, albeit weirdly at him, to distract him from the fact I’m trying to dislodge my butt from his manhood. I feel like an idiot and slide straight back into his groin with a minor bump that does extract a twinge of movement that makes me gasp lightly. I ignite a semi now he’s aware of where my thoughts are and my grinding on it unintentionally.

Oh my god. I didn’t mean to and now, it’s like that elephant in the room… literally, and I spazz out mentally. Freak out in full. Completely flustered, face so flushed I know I’m probably crimson from chin to roots and my movements are clumsy. It feels bigger like this and it intimidates me more than a lot, now I can feel it half hard, and probing my ass way more.

I get a hint of dimple as a slight knowing smile moves in, a raised brow, and his whole aura changes from down and depressed to ‘well, hello, are you doing what I think you’re doing?’. That cheeky twinkle in his eye and it’s obvious my hormones are giving his hormones the come on. I literally see the slide of Latino Lothario as Colton’s whole aura changes to wolf mode, and his eyes begin to glow. His prey caught in his sights and I become hyper aware that every cell of my body heightens to crazy levels. His wolf rattles mine, and I can’t stop the way she piques; knowing my eyes start to glow in response to his primal signals as she uncurls deliciously. I’m suddenly super aware of every part of his anatomy, and tingling with apprehension, as our bodies start to tune in on one another in the first stages of going into heat. This is new for me and the timing couldn’t be any worse.

He slides his hand under my hair to catch me in his hold, locking his eyes on mine as his pupils dilate, and things get real heavy real fast, so that my lungs literally stop functioning. He lifts my chin and brings his face to mine so our noses graze, the contact ignites a fire inside of me, and I groan softly, so quiet no one in the room hears it but him and I forget that there’s other people here. Colton is all in horn mode, his erection growing under me, only making this worse, and I think he even forgets we’re sat beside his mom. I almost self-combust as though he zaps me with a taser when he grips me a little harder and move sin with intention.

“I don’t believe never was in the plan. You’re here now. They brought you back to me.” It’s so soft it’s barely audible, his voice tickles my mouth as he runs the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip and sucks it in, sexy as hell. I pant in response as one of his hands slides under my ass and cups a cheek with a small squeeze. My underwear gets clammy, my heart rate almost explodes, and I press my thighs together to combat the aching sensations down there while I bite on my own lip, such is the desire to do that to him. My head gets insanely foggy, and all I can do is lean in, crave with a hunger like I ‘m starving to have that tongue in my mouth. The memory of his kiss fueling me on with abandon. My nails rake across his chest as I begin to slide my hands up in readiness to curl around his neck. Instincts taking over as my wolf dominates with her unyielding need.