SAGE novel Chapter 11

Sage Miller

I'm not a good guy. I can own up to that. I won't pretend that I'm good when I'm not but there's one person I never wanna show my bad side to, because she doesn't deserve to be associated with anything bad.

Because I want to be a hero to her, always. I have to be her hero. I need to be the hero, for everyone. I need people to believe in me.

My thoughts were interrupted when I finally saw Alora stranding towards me with confidence after waiting for so long for her.

And I was pissed. I have never waited this long for her.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I wasted no time and went off on her as soon as she was standing in front of me. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?"

"I have a life Sage." She replied rolling her eyes off.

"I swear to God Alora. Please help me." I tried showing her how angry I was but I couldn't without smashing into something. I'm not patient.

So instead of talking, I yank her to me roughly and smashed my lips with hers with force. She was barely keeping up with me but she tried to.

I poured my anger to the kiss and gripped a fist full of her blue hair and pulled her head back exposing her neck to me.

I snaked my other arm around her waist and pulled her to me. I attacked her neck and suck making sure to leave a mark.

"I want you so bad. I've been wanting you for so long." The words escaped my lips before I could catch them.

I felt her freeze the same time I did.

"Sage." She called me warningly. "You... eh.... are.."

She failed to say anything. I just held her shocked that I just said that out loud. I heard exactly what I said and how it sounded. I pulled back a little not letting her go completely.

"We said no feelings." She breathed out and I did the same.

"And there ain't any." I said lying through my teeth. I don't know what I feel for her but I do know I'm feeling something. Strong. The feeling went along the lines of possessive.

"And what was that. The thing you just said." He said it like the words disgust her.

"I want you." I shrugged. I down played the magnitude of the words. "I want to fuck you. What's wrong with that? I haven't fucked you in so long."

She narrowed her eyes at me looking for something in my eyes.

"Ok." She said but her body was still tense.

I wasted no time and pulled her back to me. She could never deny me. I attacked her neck again. I began to suck and she moaned and I sucked harder.

Suddenly as if remembering something she pushed my head.

"I don't want any hickey." She told me and I frowned at her.

I unwrapped myself from her and stared at her. She use to love when I marked her.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I don't__." She started bit I cut her off.

"I heard that but what? Since when?"

She averted her gaze and I knew she was hiding something from me.

My jaw worked itself.

"I just dont want them anymore." She tried to explain.

"Yeah I got that but why? I want a valid reason."

She started to stummer and like I said before. I'm not good guy. I have my flaws, too many flaws.

I cut her hesitation but attacking her neck and making sure to leave more marks.

She tried to struggle but I sucked harder.

"Get off me Sage." She managed to push me off and I stumbled back taken aback.

"What's wrong with you?" I boomed.

"What is wrong with you?" She threw back.

"You got a boyfriend. Is that it? You afraid he'll find out what a cheat and whore you really are, huh? Is that why you took so long. Where you with him before you came here? Is that why you took so long? You kissed him before you came here? Is that fucking it? You fucking whore. What is it? You have a boyfriend now? Then what are you doing here? You wanted a break for your boy toy. I'm your plaything right."

I didn't give her an opportunity to say anything. I blew off taking all the conclusion that came to mind.

I watched her face go from disbelief to shell shock then horror and I didn't feel an ounce of guilt.

I don't even know where that came from but going off on her felt disgustingly good.

"Cat got your tongue?" I smirked then pulled her to me.

I honestly didn't care if she was struggling. I smacked my lips on hers but didn't move them just to leave her with an aftertaste.

I hummed on her lips then let her push me of her and I laughed. I turned around still smiling, her face full of horror and shock.

I didn't let my mind wander off back to what just happened. I blocked her out of my mind.

Just like I said before, I only pretend that I'm all good and mighty for one and one girl only. And that's not her.

I'm not a good guy and I probably never will. I'm just bad.

I'm just like Clara. No matter how much I try not to be but I'm her son after all. How much could I defer from her.

The days went by and all they proved is that my life is crap. The bad days seemed to be piling up, one bad day after another.

I would say I don't know how days have passed since I saw Alora but I would be lying. I know exactly how long it's been. It's been 9 days and 3 hours. I know all of that. I'm pathetic right.

I'm more pathetic because I even know the minutes. My days since then have been hell.

The tension between Sebastian and I is insufferable. I tried talking to him but he's shit hell stubborn and hot headed.

One time it came to blows and since then I tried staying out of his way.

It's hard to because we're in the same gang and we kinda have to talk sometimes when Styles tells me to tell him something.

I think Styles does it on purpose just because he can. He likes to stir trouble and create the awkward interactions. He's an asshole like that.

He wants to see if I'll snap and do something but I won't. I won't give Styles what he wants.

And this messed up my summer plans. Sebastian, Connor and I were planning to drink our asses off but that's not happening anymore.

I do have my nights with Connor sometimes but other times he just disappears without a word.

He still doesn't wanna talk to his mom but I did call her and tell her that Connor is fine.

Lately when I'm at the hideout I spent my time at Styles office or ride along when he's doing arrands.

He was true to his words when he said if I stick with him I'll get to see how big the cartel is. And fucking damn, it is huge and u haven't even seen half of it

The guys are jealous that I don't hang with them when I'm at the hideout anymore. They are jealous because I'm the boss's favorite.

Since I hang with the Godfather now, they sort of hate me. Rumours spread of how I'm his favourite and how I don't deserve to be since I'm the newbie.

So I avoid them most of the time.

"That's how I fucked her." My eyes snapped to him and my jaw dropped and I choked and coughed violently.

Because of what he said.

I have no idea how we got to this topic.

"What?" I finally said when I got my coughing under control.

I watched as Styles laughed hard throwing his head back.

We were overseeing a shipment of guns on a harbour. Yes.. the cartel deals with guns too. That's the other business I have the pleasure of knowing.

Styles assured me that's there's a load of other business.

"I've been ranting and you weren't even listening." He pointed out shaking his head in disappointment.

I asked him to explain to me about the arms dealing business.

"I'm sorry. I swear I did hear most of what you said." I said trying to redeem myself.

"Sure you did." He said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Who is she?" He suddenly asked and the question startled me.

"Who is she what?" I tried playing innocent and he actually chuckled.

"Don't play dumb. Yoy know what I mean. I know that look. Who's messing up with your head Miller?" He asked me and I laughed.

"I bet I know who she is." He teased me and I knew he knew who she is.

"I may have been a complete asshole to someone when I shouldn't have and I'm pretty sure she hates my gut." I have no idea why I told him that but i didn't stop there. I continued pouring my soul.

After all, who will I tell. Connor is never around when I'm free and he hates Alora. He'll be more thrilled to know she won't come around the house anymore.

Whenever Styles drops me off, he's either heading out or he already left.

And Sebastian is being a D-bag right now and he hates Alora too.

I can't talk to Eve because she hates my relationship with Alora and I don't wanna mess their relationship with my issues because even if I'm wrong she'll choose my side. Always.

"I mean she isn't even my girlfriend just someone I'm fucking for fun."

"And you're stressed because?" He raised his eyebrow. "You're just fucking her it's not like you're in love or some shit....."

And the moment he mentioned love, my whole body went stiff. I tried to hide it and listened to him.

".....you'll get yourself another fuck."

"They don't do it for me like she does. They__" I stopped when I realised what I was about to say.

I'm not in love. I only love woman and that's Eve. There's no space for someone else in my heart. She takes every corner, every broken piece. There's no space left to love another person.

"Look, from where I'm standing it looks like you two are getting attached. So I say, good riddance." He said.

No, I was the only one getting attached from the looks of it. She wanted to call it quiets. I could tell but I couldn't let her.

"Right now you might look at it at being heartless but it's not. You're saving yourself. Soon or later she would've wanted more than you're willing to give. She would've wanted a relationship and rings and all that shit woman wants. And you wouldn't have been able to give it to her. Unless you're ready."

He concluded and looked away. My mind automatically concluded for him.

And you were ready. I thought.

"I was ready." He whispered so low that I barely heard it. I almost thought it was in my thoughts again.

I looked at the harbor and realised they're done loading into the trucks. And I saw that Styles also realised it.

"And that's done." He declared standing up and walking to his men.

Only a couple of steps away from me he turned around and said something that made my heart pounded faster and hard in my chest.

"I caught Dante's killer." He paused. "Or at least the traitor at least. If you're interested join me."

He walked off. I watched as he gave gave orders. Completely in control of the situation. It still amaze me how all these men follow him.

I mean the dude is almost 19 leading men that are 30 years or more. And they do everything he says without question or hesitation at that.

After he was done at the habor Styles dropped me off at my house. I was beyond exhausted. It seems like lately I'm always exhausted. Styles's job is exhausting and I'm not even the one doing it. I just tag along but it always drain me dry.

When I pop in the living I'm surprised to see Connor home. I actually jumped, startled when I saw him.

"Connor." I breathed out. "You're here."

He rolled his eyes.

"Where else would I be?" He sarcastically asked.

"I don't know. You're always gone." I mumbled indicating I'm done with this conversation.

I went to sit down next to him. He spared me a glance and said.

"You look like shit." He pointed out in a monotone voice and I wanted to be sarcastic but I was tired and sarcasm is draining.

"I feel like shit and I'm fucking hungry."  I told.

"I bought pizza but it's cold now. Can warm it for you." He started to get up but I grabbed his wrist and and stopped him.

"I'll do it myself." I told him. "Beside pizza is best cold."

I mentally chuckled at that. I can actually hear Eve saying 'You're better than that'. She said that everytime I was lazy to warm up food.

I found the pizza box on the counter. I was actually lazy to take out a plate so I just grabbed one and shove it in my mouth.

I opened the fridge and took out the last bottle of water that I saw this morning. Assuming that Connor didn't use it.

I reached inside and took one and closed it. I opened it and drank, eating my pizza and after the second piece my brain finally caught up with my actions.

I narrowed my eyes thinking. I went back to the fridge and opened it. I was shocked to see it stocked.

I blinked and everything was still there. I don't remember stocking the fridge. In fact it was almost empty except for some spoilt food I had there. Eve hasn't come around to help me with grocery.

I closed the fridge and opened it again. I'm not crazy. The fridge is stocked.

I walked back to the living room and saw Connor in the same position I left him in.