She Can't Be Your Mate novel Chapter 83

"No. You already lost me. You lost me when you finally told me the truth." Regret flashed in his eyes.

"No! No. That wasn't the truth! I want you. I wanted you. I always will. I was lying so it would be easier for you!"

"Does it look like you made it easier on me?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. His eyes analyzed my body again, and once they couldn't take anymore, he closed them.

"You did that because of me?" He whispered, opening his wild green eyes. "This is all my fault. You tried to kill yourself because of me!?" He pulled at his brown hair, tears streaming down both of our faces.

"The night you left I was trying to tell you that I forgive you. For everything that happened with April. But you didn't even try to listen to me. You just packed up and left. You were so willing to just throw everything away. You threw me away." And maybe that's all I am. Disposable. A plastic bag that's useful once or twice, but once you come home from the store, you don't know what to do with it. It becomes a burden until you end up throwing it away.

"No. Devina don't think like that. I made a mistake. I fucked up."

"Yeah, you seem to do that a lot, Zane." I walked over to the door and opened it. "Just go." I sighed, not daring to look him in the eyes. I heard his footsteps get louder until he finally reached me. He closed the door and walked over to the couch, plopping down and putting his feet up.

"Should I sleep here or in the bedroom with you?" He asked, making my blood boil.

"On the street. Now leave." I pointed to the door again but sighed when Zane made not even a single movement. "Fine. Just stay away from me." I huffed out, walking back to my bedroom.

"Goodnight Sunshine." I heard Zane call out before I shut my door, hopefully blocking him out.

"Come on let's get all this cleaned up." He pulled me off of the bed and led me to the bathroom. "How long has this been going on?" He asked, guiding me to sit on the toilet seat. I looked away, not wanting him to know it started right after he left that last time. By the time I looked up into his eyes, I could easily tell he already knew that. Regret was practically pooling out of them. "I'm so sorry."

"What do you want me to say? I accept your apology? That it's fine? That it's all good, let's just move on!? What do you want to hear?" He cleaned up the wounds silently until finally responding.

"No. None of that. I just want to hear you say that you still have feelings for me. Nothing more." I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, pulling my arm back.

"We're still mates Zane! I can't change how I feel about you. Believe me, I've tried. I've tried everything. That stupid freaking mate pull is still here. Don't worry. You haven't lost your leverage on me." I got up off of the toilet seat and opened the bathroom but Zane stopped me.

"I'm not using you, Devina!" He paused and frowned. "You know what? I am. I'm using you for myself. I'm using you to make myself happier. I'm so selfish. I would rather you be with me than anyone else. I'd rather you be happy with me instead of with others. I know you are hurting but I also know that you are better with me. You are happier with me. I tried to tell myself that I was holding you back and that you were in more pain with me than without me. I was wrong. I was so damn wrong and I'm sorry." I sucked in another deep breath, trying to fill my life with enough air to last me a lifetime.