Sold as the Alpha King's Breeder novel Chapter 565

Chapter 65 : Alone

*Lena*

A ring? There was only one reason Xander would have a ring in his pocket. The air in my lungs felt heavy, and I found it impossible to swallow as I followed him down the stairs and onto the private beach.

The midday sun was bright and warm, and a prickle of sweat formed on my brow as I followed him down the stairs. He dressed smartly in a button-down shirt and trousers, and I was grossly underdressed in a silken shirt and flowing capri pants of the same material. My feet were bare on the sand, which was as soft as powdered sugar.

Xander kept walking, and it was difficult to match his long, quick stride. I walked briskly to keep up with him, occasionally reaching out to grab his arm in an attempt to slow him down.

“Xander!"

But he didn't turn around until we'd reached the far end of the beach, where the sea cliffs towered high above our heads and the waves were violent against the columns of black rock that lined this particular corner of the protected cove.

“Xander!" I cried, grabbing his sleeve. The fabric on the cuff of his sleeves was torn, and drops of dried blood stained the pale blue fabric.

“I do have a ring." His voice was heated, and he was panting slightly from the excursion of walking nearly a quarter mile through the sand. A wave broke against the cliff nearby, the sound of the impact drowning out any response I may have had. He stuffed his hands in his pockets when he noticed my eyes had locked on the tears on his sleeve. “It's for you, but your father–he… doesn't approve."

“You asked him–"

“I asked him if I could ask for your hand in marriage, yes. And he said no."

“I–"

“Your mother gave us her blessing, however. If it's what you want."

I gaped at him, trying to form a rational response to what he'd just said.

“I'm going to Winter Forest," I blurted, my words hushed by the waves.

The sky darkened around us as clouds rolled in and covered the sun, sucking the warmth from the beach in an instant.

“You could come with me–"

“You know I can't do that, Xander."

“Your aunt can take her rightful place, Lena. This wasn't supposed to be your burden, not yet anyway. I could see it in your mother's eyes–"

“What do you want from me? What can I possibly give you, Xander? Be your wife, your Luna? I'd be in the same position I am now, just in a different place!"

“I want you by my side, forever–always. I don't want to have to wonder what could have been. I want to wake up every damn day next to you and fall asleep with you in my arms. I'd give up my kingdom for you, Lena. I'm willing to do so now."

“You cannot," I cried, but he shook his head slowly, side to side.

The wind was picking up, and his hair was ruffled and wild in the stiff, salty breeze. His eyes were shining like polished obsidian, the amber flakes gleaming as though they were being held near a fire, the flames a mere reflection of the embers in the darkness of his gem-like eyes.

He was serious, though. I could feel it. He was as serious as he had been the night he marked me.

“I told you everything would be okay, and it will be if we're together. I want to marry you. I'm asking you to marry me. Be my wife."

“I can't," I stammered, my skin going cold as ice at the words. “I can't–"

“Because you don't want to, or you believe your life is out of your hands–"

“It is out of my hands! I'm the living, breathing fruition of a prophecy, Xander. The Moon Goddess… you said so yourself–"

“I don't care who or what you are!" He took a few steps toward me until we were only a foot apart. “I don't understand why you care so f*****g much, Lena, for Goddess's sake."

“You don't understand the amount of pressure I've had on me since I was born, Xander. You have no idea how this feels!"

“Of course, I can't. I'm just saying–"

“I'm saying," I snapped, “that I can hurt people because of who I am. I have hurt people. I don't want to be this–this thing, okay? I want to be normal. I want to have a normal life. I want to just be Lena, not Selene, not the princess who connects the kingdoms of the east and west. Not the White Queen. And I sure as hell don't want to be the Moon Goddess."

“You haven't hurt anyone–"

“I killed Slate–"

“I saw him after that happened," he growled, beginning to lose his patience. “He was waiting for a train, Lena. He was fine. You probably just… stunned him. He just left you there and ran off."

“I almost killed my mother," I said as softly as I could, my voice catching on the words.

I'd mentioned it to him before, what felt like ages ago now, but I'd never fully explained. He would never truly understand unless I told him the truth. I looked up at him through my lashes. A storm was brewing around us. Shadows moved across his face, highlighting the curve of his jaw, his straight nose, and his high cheekbones. Everything about him was dark and brooding. The shadow he cast, that strange, unholy power of night that I hadn't even noticed until we were bound together by the mate bond, seemed to creep toward me, sheltering me in its embrace.

He was waiting for me to speak. He was waiting for me to tell him, finally, the whole version of my truth.

“My parents had to leave abruptly for Avondale in the middle of the night when I was ten. They came home a week later, and that night they told me… they told me everything. They told me about what they'd been through when they were our age, and what my grandparents had been through. They told me about the prophecy of the moonstones, and how I'd been born...." I crossed my hands over my chest, hugging myself against the sudden chill wafting over my skin.

“My aunt Maeve was having her fourth child, and they found out it was a boy. She… my mom said Maeve went into a panic, a full tailspin, which was unlike her. I guess Maeve had been told she'd have four boys, and having that come to pass…"

“It made everything seem more real, everything your parents and aunt and uncle went through?"

“Yes," I answered, a wave of relief washing over me. “Yes, it did. But then everyone turned their attention to me. I didn't really understand why at that age. I was a kid. I could do things, though. I had my powers back then but not like I do now. I could make flowers grow just by thinking about them. I could send sparks of light across the room. But up until the night my parents told me the truth, I thought everyone was like that. And that knowledge that I was different, and the way they began to coddle me, hide me away...."

I looked into his eyes, a sudden rush of long-buried spite rushing to the surface of my subconscious.

“They didn't know how to help me. No one knew. Not the Church, not the Temple of the White Queens, not the survivors of Dianny who remembered the ways of their people before their home was destroyed.

“I love my parents," I said, my voice laced with conviction. “And everything they did, they did out of love. I know that. But when I was a teenager I just–I hated them. I especially hated my mom. I hated her because I needed someone to take my frustration out on, and she was the only person who truly understood what I was going through, because she had been through something similar."

“Your mom also has powers?"

“She's a Dream Dancer," I answered.

To my surprise, he didn't question what that was. He just nodded his head. His eyes were on mine, but his gaze was distant, lost in some long forgotten memory.

“What happened, exactly?" he asked, and I swallowed back the fear that was holding me back from continuing.

He wouldn't see me the same way after this. He couldn't.

“They were going to send me away for a while, to live in Winter Forest. I was fourteen. I'd gotten in trouble at school the year before, and they had been homeschooling me at Castle Drogomor. I was rebelling everyday, and I just snapped when they told me they thought I needed to spend some time in Winter Forest. It was an explosive fight. I was so angry, irrationally angry. When Mom came to check on me I just… I just...."

I'd lost control. I remember screaming. I remember her backing out of the room with her hands outstretched, tears staining her face. She told me she loved me, and that I needed to let her help me. Then, there was a bright light, and then… nothing.

“She didn't wake up for two weeks," I concluded. “I stayed in my room for the entirety of that time. The night that it happened, vines covered every inch of my room to the point that it was impossible to open the door any longer. I couldn't stop it."

“No wonder you became a botanist," he tried to joke, but the smile that twitched in the corner of his mouth fell flat.

“I promised myself I'd never do that to anyone else. That I'd never use my powers again. I couldn't. Since Mom woke up, she has never once mentioned what happened. It's like she doesn't remember. Dad doesn't talk about it. They didn't send me to Winter Forest. I graduated from high school a year early and convinced them to send me to Morhan the second I got the acceptance letter in the mail."

“And now they want you to go back–"

“I'll be twenty-one in a few months," I breathed.

“You'll come into your full powers?"

“Yes, if I haven't already. They've only gotten stronger. That's why we can't–I don't want to hurt you."

“You can't hurt me, Lena–"

“But I could. I could hurt our children, Xander. People you love; people we love. I'm better off alone, somewhere far, far away. The worst part of this is that I want those things, Xander. I want you. I want children… our children. I want a life. I want it with you but–"

Xander's face took on an odd expression at my words. He looked pained, practically guilty. I tilted my head, opening my mouth to speak, but he met my eye again.

All I saw was heartbreak.

“I should have told you this so long ago," he said, closing the distance between us in a single step. He gripped my upper arms as though he were hanging onto me for dear life.

“What?"

“When you were sick, during your fever after you were attacked by Jen… Alma was concerned. She told me… she told me it was unlikely that you'd… that–" He stumbled over his words as his grip grew so tight I winced, and nearly flinched away.

“Alma? What are you talking about?"

He met my eye, his own eyes hollow and empty.

“You can't have children anymore, Lena. That injury was extensive…"

I didn't hear the rest of his explanation. I felt like I was being pulled backward into the darkness of the storm bearing down on us. The clouds closed in on me, swallowing me whole, as what was left of my patched-up, exhausted heart shattered in my chest.

“You didn't tell me?" I said, shaking with the heaviest emotion I'd ever experienced.

“I should have."

“But you didn't. You haven't been honest with me at all. Not once."

“Lena–"

“No!" I tore myself from his grip and staggered away from him, swatting his hand when he reached for me again. “Get away from me."

“Look at me, Lena!"

I reached up, covering my ears with my hands. I was in a panic, my body going haywire as the world around me began to spin out of control.

“What else are you hiding from me?" I cried, not looking at him.

He didn't answer. Only the sound of the violent surf filled my ears. Pressure, that's all I felt–like the world was caving in on me. No children? I couldn't have children? Xander kept that from me for this long?

I closed my eyes, trying desperately to get control of myself, but it was no use. Every pain I'd encountered over the past several months came barreling forward, paralyzing me. I screamed, falling to my knees.

Then, nothing. There was not a single sound for several long, agonizing seconds.

I opened my eyes, and found myself alone, pelted by heavy drops of rain.