Sold as the Alpha King's Breeder novel Chapter 634

Chapter 134 : I Hurt Her

*Maeve*

I followed Xander through the darkened corridors and down the stairs, my bare feet barely making a sound. Xander was exceedingly tall, taller even than Troy. Even being the tallest out of all the women in my family, I was panting as I tried to keep up with his long stride.

He had no idea where he was going, but I could tell he was trying to get out of the castle. He was going to shift; I could feel it. He was going to run.

But I wasn't going to let him.

“Stop!" I hissed when he finally found the door to the back garden. He froze, his fingers wrapped around the doorknob for the space of a breath before he pushed the door open and stormed out onto the back terrace. I huffed a breath and tore after him, thankful for the cool breeze that fanned over the exposed skin beneath my shorts. “Damnit, Xander. I said stop!"

He whirled around, baring his teeth at me. I could see tears glimmering in his eyes, which were nearly black in the pale light spilling from the open door behind us.

“I hurt her," he spat, fury sharpening each word to a brutal edge.

“Yeah, you did. But I can tell you're hurting much more than she is right now," I said, trying to keep my voice level. I could see a bruise forming along his jaw where I'd slapped him with my fingers curled into my palm. Blood still coated his lips, and his eyes were wide with horror–horror, and raging, infectious guilt that damn near snapped my heart in two. “You're not the only one going through this," I coaxed, still standing my ground. If he so much as looked like his wolf was going to take over, I'd take him to the ground. I'd pin him to the Goddess-damned concrete and force him to listen to me.

He was panting as well, his hands clenched into fists. He was trembling, but not from the cool breeze.

“Whatever you saw," I said, taking a cautious step forward, “it's gone now. It's over."

“Yet it replays over, and over again," he growled, “on a constant f*****g loop!"

“You need to talk to someone about what happened to you–"

“I can't," he snapped, his eyes shimmering with tears. “I don't want to think about it ever again–"

“Xander–" My voice broke around his name, especially as he hung his head and brought his hands to his face. I'd seen that same look in Oliver and Charlie's eyes–pure, unadulterated grief. Terror. Fear, and confusion. Whenever I looked at my sons, I saw them as they'd been when they were young, their eyes shining with excitement and wonder. Xander had been a little boy once. He'd been loved, cherished. He likely had someone back home who was crushed at the thought of him facing the violence we'd just defeated.

Those boys… these children… my children–they'd never be the same again.

“You're going to be alright," I said through a sob. Xander didn't look at me, his eyes downcast on the concrete. “Everything is going to be alright."

“I could have killed her," he whispered.

I swallowed against the sob threatening to spill from my throat and nodded. “How often is this happening?"

“Every time I f*****g blink. I haven't slept in weeks."

I nodded again, chewing the inside of my lower lip as I took a few cautious steps towards him. I came up next to him to lean against the terrace. He was looking toward the forest, his eyes wide open but totally unseeing. He was still trapped inside his mind, likely replaying the nightmare, almost like he was punishing himself for it.

I didn't tell him that I was also having nightmares. I'd gotten to their bedroom so quickly because I was already awake, panting in my sweat-soaked sheets while trying to get my heartbeat to regulate. I heard Lena scream his name, and I knew exactly what was happening. I'd felt it in my blood as I raced toward their bedroom.

I wished with all of my heart that Troy was here right now. He would know what to say to him. Troy always knew what to say.

“Troy's been having nightmares too. So has Charlie, and… and I assume Oliver is having them as well...." I couldn't help the way my mouth pressed together and my eyes squeezed shut at the mention of Oliver. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I tried to hold in a sob. I felt Xander's hand on my shoulder, then he pulled me into his chest, holding me there while I came apart at the seams.

“I saw Oliver briefly," Xander whispered. “He was… he seemed like he was holding up alright."

I knew that wasn't true. I knew my son. I knew that what he'd done had shattered him completely, and I didn't know how to make it better.

I pulled away from Xander, wiping my eyes as I turned back to the forest. I hadn't cried in a long time; I hadn't had a reason to. But I felt like I'd done nothing but cry for the past two or three months.

“Troy takes a blood root tincture every few days," I said, hiccuping. “I tried it, but it did nothing for me."

“Why is he taking blood root?" Xander sounded concerned, and when I met his eye, I noticed the flash of uncertainty darken his irises.

“Some of the vampires said it will help with the… symptoms, after being bitten–chills, fever, things like that. Troy said it was helping some of our warriors with nightmares."

“But it did nothing for you?"

“No," I replied, wrapping my arms around myself. “I wasn't bitten. Not once."

Xander grew quiet, his eyes fixed on the house. I could feel his guilt and inner turmoil from where I was standing a few paces away from him.

“Lena's going to be alright–"

“I can't sleep next to her–"

“She probably tried to wake you up. You had no idea you were doing that to her," I coaxed, but he shook his head, his face covering in a shadow.