The Alpha novel Chapter 12

He broke the door down.

He kicked it down and through my blurry vision, you could see the steam coming off of him. I was scared of what he would do. He specifically told me multiple times to not harm myself. But what am I currently doing? Sitting in a puddle of my blood from my actions.

I should be far from scared, I should be terrified. I should be, but I’m too numb to feel currently. He told me he took away all possible threats from my room, so the voices had me shatter the mirror. You don’t have an object, you make one.

'This is what you deserve slut…'

My hazy vision wasn’t helping my situation. Part of me- the messed up part- was pissed he walked in when I barely got any cuts in, the small, sensible part was glad.

Despite him being there, my voices took over and forced my shaky hands to grip the glass shard and attempt to move it down my wrist. Attempted. Failed.

Derek yanked it away from me and threw it across the bathroom floor. My eyes lazily followed as it skidded across the tile, creating a blood trail.

“The fuck are you thinking, Violet?” He shouted at me. I’m in trouble. I couldn’t help the shaking my body emitted. “Violet, fucking look at me,” he roughly grabbed my face in his stern hands and directed his face to mine, “what the hell are you doing!” he was yelling in my face.

My tears fell down my cheeks as I stammered out an apology. I didn’t like that he was yelling at me, although I understood why he was, he repeatedly told me not to do this. He was right to be mad at me, but I just hated that he was yelling at me.

His grip tightens on my face, “shut up, just shit… don’t fucking talk..” he growled.

He roughly let go of my face and yanked my wrist towards him and I cried out at the burning sensation of him touching them.

“Violet, you did this to yourself…” he growled.

'You did this to yourself fucktoy…'

'Chris…'

Forget about not being scared or terrified, I was now petrified. I tried to yank my hands away from him. He was just like Chris. He was going to punish me.

“Fucking- stop moving!” He growled but my actions didn’t stop.

“A-alpha, I-I’m s-sorry…” I viscously tried to yank my arms away from him, “s-sorry, A-alpha, d-don’t h-hurt me…” I hiccuped and he gripped my arms tighter earning a pained sob from me, “p-please, I-I…”

“Violet!” He shouted at me and then cursed under his breath. He got up from his crouched position, grabbed a towel, ran it underwater, and came back. “Flower, I’m- fuck…” he huffed and I flinched.

Flower.

He pressed the cold, wet blanket to my wrist and I gasped and tried to jerk away at the unfamiliar sensation.

“Flower…” that word brought a sense of safety to my mind, “you’re okay, I’m just cleaning it, stop moving or it’ll hurt more,” his voice took an icy turn at the end.

“A-alp-” I tried to apologize again only for him to cut me off.

“Derek. Flower, it’s Derek,” he mumbled but I heard him.

( ‘It’s okay, it’s Derek. Violet, it’s okay.’ )

Derek cleaned my wounds and grabbed a medical kit that I didn’t know was under the sink. He wrapped my wrist and left the bathroom for a second, bringing a change of pajamas, as mine was stained with my impulsive gore.

“Lift your arms,” Derek instructed and I cautiously did so. His hands found the hem of my shirt and started to pull up. Immediately my hands fell to stop his actions but he put them back, “keep them up. I’m not going to do anything, I’m just changing you.”

I didn’t want that, but I didn’t have the energy to fight it. Gingerly he stripped me and dressed me in the new pajamas. He didn’t pay attention to my tattoos of abuse.

Derek helped me up and walked out to the bed as he called someone to clean the blood in the bathroom. I sat at the edge of the bed and he told me to stay as he answered the door for the person to come in.

I didn’t pay much attention to them and they were done quickly, leaving Derek and I. I was scared. I messed up again.

'You’re so worthless.'

It was silent. I cautiously looked up at him, he was glaring at me. I feel uncomfortable and worse than I would normally feel if anyone else were to look at me in such a manner. I didn’t like it. I wanted to fix it.

“D-Derek, I-”

“No. Flow…” he shook his head, “Violet, you’re not off the hook that easily.” My heart raced at his words and my head fell in fear and embarrassment. “Look at me,” he commanded and my face unwillingly lifted to his, “you will listen, understand?” I nodded and he growled, “words, Violet,” he spoke through clenched teeth.

“Y-yes -alpha…”

“What. The. Fuck. Were. You. Thinking!” he shouted causing me to flinch, “don’t fucking flinch at me, Violet! I specifically removed all possible hazards from the room, but what do you go and do? You fucking make a new one!”

My eyes started to fill with tears and I so desperately wanted to break eye contact with him, but his eyes were full of promises of what would happen if I did. He walked closer to me and slightly crouched down, roughly grabbing my chin. I choked on a sob at his action.

“Stop crying, Violet. Is this what I get? “ he asks. Huh? I didn’t understand what he was talking about “I kiss you once and you try to kill yourself!” he humorously chuckled.

“I-I… I w-wasn’t try…” I mumbled but stopped when his grip tightened.

“What?” he flung in my face.

“I wasn’t t-trying to k-kill myse...myself…” I whispered and felt my tears overfill and slide down my cheeks.

Rage lit up in his blue orbs, turning them a deep navy color. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before- once again- tightening his grip in a deadly hold. I bit my lip to stop the sob from going past but it didn’t work. A pained cry left my mouth.

Derek mumbled a curse and let go of my face. He paced back and forth in the room, curses leaving his plump lips every few moments.

Subconsciously my hands found the edges of the bandages and started to pick and mess with them. Derek turned back around, his eyes quickly found the action my hands were doing.

“What the-” he rushed to me and pried my hands apart, “fucking...Violet! Stop messing with them!” I instantly recoiled when he grabbed me, “I-I can’t do this tonight, shit. You’re going to bed.”