The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance) novel Chapter 144

That gets me blinking up at him and catch that weird half smile he does that has a crazy softness to it. My insides flip flop all over, warning me how dangerously close I am to falling right back under his spell. I need to be smarter. He has so much power over me and exerts so little effort to use it.

There is so much more weight on this now, I have to be stronger.

“Why are you being so smug and annoyingly confident right now? You weren’t so self-assured last night, so what is it that’s got you smiling and acting like I’m a done deal today?” I snap at him, not so much in anger but irritated that he is making me crazily nervous and awkward, making assumptions, and I’m making an idiot of myself. I hate that I’m not in control of me. Alexi just grins at me.

“You’re still here. My odds went up massively when you stopped trying to escape via the elevator. And you haven’t stopped blushing since you came out here. I can see it even in this light, so I’m reading that as progress.”

Wanker.

“Ugh, you’re an arsehole you know that?” I sigh at him, turning a mock raised brow and pouted facial expression but he silences me with a swift move and pauses just before we lock lips. Catching me off guard with such a smooth move so I don’t react initially.

It’s almost like he is awaiting the rejection or seeking permission, and when I make no move to stop him, too busy being mesmerised by his sudden nearness, he inches the last small gap and kisses me softly on the lips.

Moulding his warm, soft mouth to mine gently and making me incapable of any thought.

I should have stopped him. I don’t know why I didn’t. I truly am a complete idiot sometimes.

It’s not a full-on snog or a kiss that requires a response, just a soft pressing together to render me mute, delivering a very effective stomach of butterflies and skin erupting orgasm of sensations before he pulls back again. Still staying close enough to graze his nose against mine in a cocky way. Almost like confident ownership, and I have no words as I just struggle to breathe properly.

“Another ten percent rise.” He grins, annoyingly so, and I sucker punch him in the abdomen in a bout of pissed off that his words have thrown me. Enjoying the muffled ‘ugh’ that I extract from him when my limb connects with all that carved muscle; winding the son of a bitch.

“You have a lot to learn about romance.” I huff and shove him away from me harshly. Annoyed that all it took was one tiny little kiss and I turned to mush. Arrogant tosser needs a good kick in the balls.

“I’m sure you will train me in time.” He retorts and this time it’s rewarded with a glare and an unimpressed hair flick.

Cocky bastard thinks I am a done deal and I give him a sterner look than the last one. Not sure I like that he is certain that all it will take are some well-timed kisses and garbled love confessions and I’m under his spell. He seriously is a complete arrogant wanker with an ego far too big for any single man to possess.

“I liked you better when I was leaving; I might go pack a bag after all.” I sulk, sticking my chin up and get nothing but a smile from him.

Arsehole.

“Have dinner with me tonight.” He ignores my threat and swoops in with a charming smile and leans in so close I’m sure he might try for another kiss, but this time I lean away. I concentrate on getting my cup out of the microwave as it beeps, relieved to have an excuse not to look at him. Although I’m aware that he is so close to my face that one little turn sideways, and I will end up lip to lip without trying. I pretend I cannot see him and carry on.

“I have a club to run. Money to make and all that.” I point out, eyes down on my hands as I almost scald myself with hot milk and shovel in scoops of sugar haphazardly. I don’t even take sugar but it’s a task that makes it seem like I’m ignoring him. He needs to learn his place.

“Lunch then.” He presses, not giving up and I throw him an exasperated look and a heavy frown, careful to lean further back when I turn, so I do not end up knocking noses and having that mouth on me again. He isn’t moving back, despite my flip to cool and huffy, and in fact, it’s just annoying me more that he’s oblivious to it.

“We did that already, and it wasn’t that successful,” I reply dryly.

“That wasn’t … okay, forget that. Breakfast … it’s not even sunup, we have plenty of time to get ready and go find someplace to eat.”

Relentless, pushy control freak. Not taking no for an answer. How very Alexi!

“How is this giving me time to think?” I snap at him this time. Now he really is frustrating me as domineering, bossy shithead moves back in and I wonder if Alexi the love confessor was a figment of my imagination. I thought it would last a lot longer than this, but nope. Right back to his usual prick self. Pushing me around and trying to coerce me into what he wants, and not giving a toss about my boundaries and my needs.

“I changed my mind. Thinking gives you more time to convince yourself running is the right option. I’m hoping if I swoop in fast then you won’t,” he winks, and I’m totally done for. Temper snapping and full-blown diva taking hold. I won’t have him shepherding me to what he wants and trampling all over my feelings like they don’t matter. He has done that too many times. I slam the things I’m holding down and turn on him aggressively, rage igniting, and tears close behind.

“This isn’t a joke or a game! This is my heart. My life. This is a big fucking deal to me. You have no idea how afraid of you I still am, in so many ways. You hurt me so badly Alexi and you cannot just push me around and bully me into dating you just because you decide to be fucking nice and say a few sweet things to me. This isn’t how it works!” Tears erupt dramatically and blur my vision as I swing away from him to hide my upset, abandoning my cup but don’t get very far. Alexi catches me by the upper arm, naked arms in the flimsy negligee I’m wearing, and pulls me back into his embrace, wrapping me up and holding me tight. Giving me no choice but to remain his prisoner in a manly hug that’s close to boa constrictor pressure. He grips me tight, his own heartbeat pounding through his chest against mine, almost in unison.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push, and I do know how much this means. It does to me too. I’m scared of losing you, and I’m trying to be patient, but I need to be around you. I’m sorry, Cam. I really am. I don’t know how else to be, this is who I am.”

His words cool my jets a little, but they don’t turn off the waterworks running down my face. His strained tone and genuineness simmer my anger to something else entirely, but I feel prickly still and don’t want his touch.

“You’re pushing me to do what you need and want and not giving me time to breathe or think. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t trust you. This isn’t how to change that.” I manage to push myself free from his hold and yank myself away to stand by myself, hating that he can break me down to an emotional mess without trying. He stands still and watches me, looking like his usual foreboding self, knowing he shouldn’t do anything else. He has the sense to leave me be anyway and I wrap my arms around my body to console myself. Shivering, but not because I’m cold, just exhausted with all of it. Aching for some mental peace even for a few seconds.

“I have never felt this way about anyone. I don’t know how to do this, or how to behave. I’ve never wanted this before and never knew how intense this could be. I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m not with you and now I’ve finally told you, I don’t want to pretend anymore. I’m done hiding how I feel about you.” He looks as lost as I feel, eyes boring into me so very desperately and some of my upset dissipates a little at the lost boy look on that face and the words that seem honest.

Neither of us knows how to do this, it’s not like we have a guidebook on how to love and trust.

It’s like the blind leading the blind.

“You broke me, Alexi. Really, really destroyed me, and I never fully recovered. It’s not that easy to let someone who does that back in when you found it hard enough to do the first time around.” I admit honestly, sheepishly and can’t look him in the eye anymore. Flinching when he moves towards me, caging me in with his body and traces the tears down my cheek. His breath warming my face as he moves in all around me and overtakes my space once more. My head is full of his scent and nearness.

“If I could go back and change it all, I would. Believe me, Cam. I know what I did.” The tender caress of a lover and not the man who terrorised me and reduced me to ashes. My body responds with tiny shivers and I pull his hand away from me, unable to bear this when feeling so unsure. I’m not ready for caresses and kisses. Coming through here was a mistake.

“I just need one day of space and normal and being allowed to think. I need that from you. It’s a lot to take in.”

More than anything in the world, all I need right now is to let it all sink in and catch up and try to get my head around things. I don’t even know what happened last night while he was gone, who was shot, what went down, and he hasn’t mentioned Mico at all. I guess everyone is fine as he seems completely unfazed.

I’m sure if Mico was hurt then Alexi would be a mess. He cares about him. He’s his right-hand man, cousin and best friend all rolled into one.

“I never thought that request would be so hard … I’ll try. Patience isn’t my strong point.” Alexi reverts to sheepish too, and I think he realises his confidence was a little premature. We are not just going to fall into sex and love and happy ever after like a goddamn romance book. We have so much between us, and I’m not sure if I can move past any of it with him. My life is so fucked.

I need to find a crash course in romantic relationships because I have no clue how to have one.

“Is Mico okay?” I ask finally, annoyed at myself that, until these last few minutes, I never thought to ask. So much for being his friend. I just assumed that he was okay because Alexi seemed okay and it’s only being brought up now because I’m a wimp and looking to detract him from his current conversation to give my head a break.

I’m such a shitty person.

“He’s fine. Why wouldn’t he be?” Alexi frowns as though it’s a weird question, looks a little suspicious and moves away suddenly to walk to the couch and give me space. My radar pings immediately, and despite feeling like I have been dragged backwards through an emotional bush, all my attention peaks at the sudden change in his behaviour and his obvious ignorance of a shootout in which I thought he was dead. His instant decision to give me space after practically leg humping me, says it all. I honestly might cry if this is yet another hidden story that he should have told me.

There’s more.

I know when he is being an evasive tosser. This is one of those times. I don’t know if I have the mental capacity for more though.