Touching the Heart of Ace novel Chapter 90

"... so this is our Little Lia's room." I thanked Winnie in my mind for keeping this room pristine and unlike a messy toddler's heaven. "This is the princess throne she got for her first 'Dada'. She has wrapped her dad around her little finger." I laugh.

When the Architect's Digest asked us to shoot our home I had not expected Daddy to be okay with it. But this home was his pride and joy, so he did not protest... much.

"I actually have a lot of stuff which I took from my mom's home because I want Lia to grow knowing her roots. So, when we started decorating, I told Robbie that I want this whole wall dedicated to our family. This is my mom and dad during their graduation ceremony. Yes, they were college sweethearts, this is me... Robert Brantley... my brother Jason... This is my Aunt Marie... she looks so happy in this photo, may she rest in peace... then this is Uncle Fred, ever the goofball... Sorry Uncle Jack did not attend his own graduation... had some concert, I guess..."

I let the camera crew to Jason's room. "I swear it is not this clean on a normal day. He is M-E-S-S-Y..."

I laughed and smiled at the questions they asked but they would cut that off when uploading this video.

Too bad.

"Bye..." I waved and closed the door for the camera before opening it again. "So... that was not so bad."

They all good naturedly laughed before trying to leave. Well, I was not having it. It was too early to serve lunch and too late for breakfast. That did not mean they could not have some refreshments before hitting the road.

They did not stay for long and I bid them good bye at the gate.

"Shall we?"

I jumped and hit my man's chest. "Stop scaring me."

"I love scaring you."

I flicked his chin and let him drag him to the car. Never would he admit it but he missed Lia far too much.

I shook my head.

Well, I missed our baby girl too.

"Where is Nick?"

"Anniversary." Daddy grumbled.

"Don't tell me you made it difficult for him."

"Well, he got the leave, didn't he?"

"You big meanie."

Robbie sighed. "I reserved a night at El Palazzo for them. So, stop glaring at me."

I giggled and kissed my man's cheek. "You are the best."

He smiled smug before rubbing the inside of my thigh. "Sore?"

He deserved the slap.

I sighed.

I loved my life so much.

I could not believe this was me who was living this perfect, out of the fairy tale life. I had the man of my dreams, a kid anyone could only wish to have, an overprotective brother, two ever-loving uncles and a girl best friend who was both intelligent and beautiful, and a boy best friend who was as introverted as a turtle.

Russel was yet to accept the title though.

Sigh!

And a very beautiful home.

Sigh!

I smiled and closed my eyes.

I wanted nothing more in this life than what I already have.

So freaking perfect.

It was a bumpy ride and several times were there moments that made me doubt if I would make this far.

And it was surprising from where all did we receive the help from.

Family, friends, colleagues but the most helpful and understanding person in our life was Little Lia herself.

She was our little bundle of precious joy and God... did she figuratively drag us out of the painful whirlpool of trauma?

Sigh!

Therapy was not a cake walk. Neither was it all talk nor was there any immediate solutions. We could not change the past but we could build the future.

And build, that we did.

There were times when none of us knew where to go; up or down. There were times we thought fighting was worthless; we were too damaged for help.

But... we pulled through...

Robbie and I leaned on each other's shoulders, not letting the other one take the burn of the fall alone when we indeed fell.

Could not believe we survived that; I was not even joking.

I cried way too much to be healthy and Robbie bottled up his emotions that he was being eaten from the inside.

Jesus!

Could not believe at all.

All the nights were filled with nightmares.

That one time I dreamt of a Papa rooster and a baby chick. It was so adorable and heart-warming in the beginning, the way they played around but soon took a horrific turn when the baby chick started squirming under the rooster.

Papa lost his balance and the chick was squished and...

It was horrific.

I watched helplessly when the rooster tried to wake up his baby and... a tear of blood fell from the chick's eye as it took its last breath.

I ran away from the painful screams of the rooster which sounded very close to my voice.

I... woke up screaming to the top of my lungs for Lia.

I never had that dream again but it was engraved into my heart; painful and bleeding.

My girl was okay... she was sleeping soundly hugging her Crocky to her chest.

Tears were flowing down my face and pulled her to my chest, clutching her for my dear life.

She was my life.

I would literally die of heart break if something happened to her. It took me over a week to stop crying and almost another one before I could talk to my therapist about it.

She was happy about the dream. She said it was perfectly alright for me to have such nightmares. It apparently meant I was worried about my kid's safety in all aspects of my life and it only showed me how I was a caring father.

Sweet words?

I really could not be sure but her words had helped me see the dream in another perspective.

I was worried sick for the safety of my daughter and it was time I pulled myself together and got my life back.

And that was exactly what I did but Robbie on the other hand... his therapy was in much slower pace than mine.

I did not mind but I wanted Daddy to recover fast.

If one of the major hurdle in my therapy session was making me understand the problems related to my first time with Robbie when he had hurt me so bad... his was much more complicated, rooting from his childhood.

And childhood trauma was really difficult to treat when left unattended for this long.

Something about us forgetting a lot of incidents and the residual pain causing all the troubles. Robbie had chalked them as experiences and it was affecting his judgements unknown to him.

It was okay though. I had trust in him to come out of the tunnel winning. He had me, he had all his family backing him up, including Uncle Fred.

Surprising right?

So, when the therapist asked me to join to his personal sessions, though she admitted it was unconventional, I had wholeheartedly agreed.

Anything for him.

I cuddled up to his chest on the sofa, just listening to his words not meddling at all, even though I found some of his findings and conclusions absurd.

My man literally thought if he did not lock me up in his room right after an argument, I would leave him alone in this world. But since he knew I would not do well in confinement, he had switched it to sex.

Absurd.

But... if he was thinking that way, he might have very strong reasons.

So I did not meddle in.

Or that one time, his greatest regret was giving me Lia.

Hurting?

Not so much because I had learned that his words were only a tip of what he really meant, at times.

So I patiently waited for him to elaborate.

"Lia came in as a surprise. I... uh... told you already... ummm... the bitch had lied to me that she was pregnant and trapped me to marry her... so, this time... I did not believe her. Angel and I had already become an item. At least from my side. I only wanted him. He was taking lot of my space, both physical and mental... I had no space for anyone romantically or sexually... So..."

I rubbed his chest when he cleared his throat.

"So... there was no way I would fuck anyone... much less that bitch."

Robbie was too crude but the therapist was very happy with his words and expressions. She was someone who you made you feel like you have to be at your best. So, I thought she would ask him to use polite words.

She hadn't and Robbie did not offer.

"So, you assumed she was lying."

Robbie nodded.

"I was planning to meet my Angel the next day. So... I only thought she was bluffing to get my attention to steal my money."

"What made you believe then?"

"She actually had the video of us fucking. I uh... was angry at Angel at that time. He had kissed his brother and I..."

"Got jealous?"

Robbie huffed. "I did not know any Jason... or that he was his brother or... anything... I uh..."

"Deep breaths, Robert. You are doing remarkably well. Your Angels are with you. Do you need sometime?"

It took him sometime and when he looked at me, I gave him a kind smile and a kiss on his cheek. "I am here. Not going anywhere."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my ear on his pounding heart.

Robbie shook his head and talked again.

"I was drunk. I was... planning to ruffle up Jason but then I thought Angel being in love with him and... forgetting me and... I could not have that... but then Ace would be sad if Jason... and..."

"It must have been so difficult for you to push past your thoughts."

Robbie nodded.

Therapist smiled.

"It was my obsession getting better of me, right, doctor?"

"Yes, Robert. But you are doing very good on your own in handling it lately, aren't you?"

"Yes... I uh... don't have them that much anymore. Angel says he will listen whatever I have to say if I don't shout or hurt people... and he will only leave me if I hurt people... so..."

"Excellent. But I will help you to get that under your control without his threats."

"Ace was not threatening me. He was crying and I could not stand him crying... not really... I uh... say that his tears don't matter because I don't want him to use it to leave me... but Lia won't let him leave, so I am not really worried anymore."

Therapist wrote something down.

"So, why do you regret having Lia?"

"A lot of reasons. Like I said, I was drunk and that bitch made me drink again after spiking it Xcatsy. I do not even remember seeing her much less fucking her. But she had a video and I had to believe it. I did not know that she was lying about my first kid, so I did not think she was planning all this."

Robbie rubbed his forehead.

"Lia came in like a thunderstorm. I wanted her but I did not want her. I... she could be my kid but I refused to acknowledge that... I was yearning for her to be here but at the same time I did not want it... I was..."

"Not prepared to a parent..."

"Yeah... and the bitch only gave birth because I told her if this ended up in abortion I would make her pay..."

Therapist wrote that down too.

"Ace was not ready. I feel like I pushed my baby to him. In my defence, I had planned to keep them away from each other... but the days at the hospital dragged on... I could not see him, talk to him or anything... I fainted and I panicked. Called my Angel to the hospital... I feel like my stole my Angel's youth from him."

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

It took everything in me to stop from screaming.

"He was too young... is too young to have a baby... especially because of my stupidity. He had to give up a lot... he should be sleeping all day, clubbing and focus on only being my everything not worried about... a lot of things that came with parenthood. Ace has this habit of pretending to be happy and calm when he is not... and even after knowing him, feeling him and being with him, it stills takes me some time to get him truthful... I am worried I am hurting him with this parenthood and deep down he is doing this because he thinks this the best that could ever get..."

Surprisingly the next question was towards me from the therapist.

"When I asked you about Lia being Robbie's child, you had answered me that she was yours too. And more than few times it seemed like you are ecstatic to be a parent. Do you actually feel trapped in this parenthood?"

I cried.

Because I felt like my words would not be enough to tell or prove everyone that Lia was my life or that she was the apple of my eyes...

I felt inadequate.

No one would believe me.

No one.

I was not biologically her father and people would say my love would not matter.

I loved her so much and I still believed she was the only thing that came out good from this fucked up life; to an extend where I was willing to go through all this pain again if that meant Lia would be born.

I had heard it when my family and friends, including Daddy saying that Lia was lucky to have me in her life.

But no one would believe me when I said it was me who was lucky to have her.

Not even Daddy knew the times I spent in our home theatre when the voices in my nightmares prompted me to believe that Lia did not love me.

That I was thankful for Robbie for not stopping his annoying habit of recording our life.

It started from my intimate times in the bedroom but when Lia came to our life, he had started recording our family life too.

'Awww don't cry Baby Angel... it is you... look... it is you... I am not kissing anyone else... here, see the man in the mirror kisses the baby when I kiss you... that means the baby is you and the man is..."

Lia wailed harder and tried to punch my lips.

I peppered her with kisses and slowly moved away from the mirror. I cursed the time when I thought it would be good to kiss my baby in front of the mirror. Baby thought I was kissing some other baby and there it was.... wailing, kicking and struggling to get away from me.

"Alright... Alright... I won't kiss anyone... come on... Robbie, stop recording and help me calm her down!"

I lied down next to her and my heart when she tried to kick her right leg and curl to my chest. I kept a hand on her tiny back and helped her cuddle up. "Ohhh oooh... Did I kiss someone else? Ohh... sorry baby... it is okay... it is okay..."

Then the other clip was Little Lia drooling and clapping her tiny hands looking at my sleeping form with a smile.

She was squealing but I was passed out.

Taking care of her when she was this young was so tiresome.

"Oooohhhh..." She cooed and patted my nose before licking her palm and trying to wake me up again. "OOOOHHHH!!!"

She screamed and the camera juggled with Robbie's laughter.

"Let him sleep, Baby Angel. Angel is really tired."

Lia protested and frowned before wiggling her butt to scoot closer, then fell on my face and hugged my face with her whole tiny body.

God! She was that small back then.

She whimpered when I did not wake up before starting to punch my chest and kick my stomach.

"Wha... kangaroo milk..." I woke up groggy and frowned seeing my cackling baby. "Lia? What are you doing up? Come on sleep. Nighty night-night."

I scooped her up and kissed her head before turning around tucking her under my chin. Then I twisted around and saw Robbie recording us.

"Stop it. Come sleep. Nighty night-night." I yawned and turned around again, Lia safely cuddled to me.

Smiling Robbie's face popped up on the screen. "Well, it is two fifteen in the afternoon but my Angel says it is Nighty night-night. So we go sleepy sleep-sleep."

Then the rest was a one-hour long footage of us simply sleeping and finally waking up to a wailing Lia who was gnawing on her fist hungry.

I knew telling anyone that I watched that footage with nothing but tenderness and love in my heart would be enough to make them understand my love for her.

They would not agree.

Another clip was a hilarious one of Robbie trying very hard to please Lia and getting ignored.

"Come on, you gotta eat this. It has... baby stuff in it. Come on, child. Open your mouth. Ace will kick my butt if you don't eat this! EAT!!!"

Lia spat the baby food right on Robbie's face.

"It is not that bad! See..." Robbie took a cautious lick of the baby food and ran to the sink spitting. "Dear God! What the fu... fu... dear god! What was in it! It is disgusting! Ga! Too slimy! YUCK!!! I feel like there is a slug in my mouth."

Little Lia lose her balance and slowly plopped her to side giggling and ended up kicking the air.

"You eat it just fine, when it is Angel! You are doing this to get me in trouble!!!"

Robbie was walking around in annoyance until he threw the baby food away and kept it on the coffee table as a proof of successful feeding time.

Too bad he forgot to edit that part out in his hurry to prove me that Lia hated him.

Guess who was kicked out of my bedroom!

Soon after the 'feeding' Lia was getting restless and she started crying non-stop.

I came in through the front door holding some papers, mails, books and a messenger bag.

"Here...' Robbie was handing me a wailing Lia with his outstretched hands and her tiny legs were kicking a mile per minute." "You don't believe when I say my kid hates me. I have proof now."

"Robbie! Don't be ridiculous. Why is she crying? Little Lia, why are you crying? Oh, you are not crying now?" I wiped her face and nose with a wet tissue and pecked her cheek. "Look, Daddy, Baby Lia was not crying. Why did you lie to me, Daddy? Your Daddy is silly, Baby."

Then the camera toppled down and the clip was cut.

Next was a my upper naked was slowly swaying with the thrusts Robbie was giving me, my hair as a halo on the bed. My eyes were half hooded with pleasure and audio was moans of my calling out his name. My whole body was blushing and I could hear Robbie asking me to open my eyes.

I tried to swat away the camera on my face.

"Fuck!" Robbie groaned and the camera was dropped on the bed.

Yeah...

I had to spend over two days' worth of my time to sort the videos out and keep our private moments... well ultra-private.

It had no business playing when I wanted to watch our family time.

He first named those folder as 'DAVEY AND DADDY HAVING SEX' and we had a very 'peaceful'... debate, on that matter.

I had asked him what if Lia thought the clips were of our family time and ended up watching something she was not supposed to watch no matter how older she got.

So he thought the naming was perfect!

IT WAS NOT!!!

Yes, it would keep Lia clear of the folder but that was not the point.

Point was it was inappropriate. No, it did not matter if Davey was my name and Daddy was Robbie.

Point was...

UGH!

"It was not like she would not wonder if we have sex when she gets older and know what that means."

Yes, but...

"You have wondered that about your parents, haven't you?"

Of course I had!

But... that was not the point.

Uggh!

Of course I had wondered if my parents had sex. And I knew they had, duh!

But it was more like, 'Woow... they also do stuff like that... But I can't see my parents as a couple and only as my parents and... I can't believe I was born because they had sex! I don't wanna know what they did behind the close doors of their bedroom. And I can't imagine them being present at my wedding knowing that I might have sex too... EWWWWW!!! Is that what they think if I brought a boyfriend home.' that kind of thoughts!

That is not the point!!!

"If she still looks into the folder knowing that it is us being sexually intimate, the problem is with our parenting. Not the name of the folder, Angel."

Ugggh!!!

"I don't care. I am not putting up something that might prompt my kid thinking of such things. Yes, she might, she might not... it is up to her and it has to be on her terms, according to mental and emotional growth. Not from any other external factors and most certainly not from our side, if I can help it. So this right here, is something I know would push her into thinking because of us. SO CHANGE THE FFING NAME!!!"

He changed it to "Demon and Angel having Passionate Sex".

Well, I failed the next debate and he got to keep the name.

Yet, I could not help my baby from 'external' thoughts. Her Tati and Flip had to give her a 'talk' this early in her life because her monster of a birthgiver had climbed up my lap in front of her demanding a 'fuck'...

It was okay...

Lia took it relatively well and Dr. Adam was remarkable at handling with kids who were exposed to severely unhealthy human behaviours.

He said Lia was only curious as to what we were planning to do or why Janice had climbed on my lap if she hated us so much.

Tati gave her a path and Dr. Adam took her hand and walked her along the path... and my kid just understood that some people were not as lucky like her Davey or Tati and they searched for love, sitting on other's lap.

She was fine with it as long as it was only my Lia who got to sit on my lap.

God, the innocence of my Little Baby.