Wooing The Ex-Wife novel Chapter 22

"Do you still hate me?" the question hit Liza like a ton of bricks. Had she been standing, she would have stumbled back into the wall. She didn't know what to say. She definitely didn't like Jonathan but did she hate him? She had forgiven Jonathan for what he had done, for the sake of her mental peace but had she really forgotten about it? Or more importantly could she ever forget about it?

Jonathan watched as confusion swam in Liza's eyes, he waited for the answer with a bated breath. He knew that it would take time, that it will bring back unpleasant memories but he needed to know. he watched as Liza scrambled through her mind trying to find an answer. all the memories that she had tried to bury inside with the happy moments she had spent with her loved ones , rose to the surface and filled every nook and cranny of her body. All the pain and heart break that she had experienced was choking her, rendering her unable to move. And it was at that time when anger rushed to her as her savior, carrying along with it her answer. In that moment Liza did not care if she had forgiven Jonathan or if Jonathan had changed, all she cared was about the pain she was feeling. Jonathan had opened the can of worms by asking the question and now he would have to bear the consequences.

"Yes, I still hate you" she said as she looked at him. Her voice instead of taking the normally cold tone was filled with hot burning rage. "I still freaking hate you Jonathan. I forgave you all those years ago but I can never forget what you did to me. All those times when you treated me as dirt, when you threw those papers at my face, when you called me a slut when I was only trying to get you back. You cheated on me and then you had the guts to tell me that you only cheated for a few months!!! It wasn't even once or twice but you had a freaking affair Jonathan. And the worst thing is that you didn't even try to hide it. You openly flaunted those damned lipstick stains, not even bothering to hide them for me. You took me for granted and I hated that I let you do so. "Liza broke for a second and then gathered herself again as anger replenished her. "The worst thing about it is Jonathan that you didn't even realize that what you were doing was wrong till you read the letters I wrote to you. You simply blamed me for the things you did, just to save yourself from the guilt. What would have happened if I hadn't written those letters? Would you have continued to accuse me of something I never did? Would you have ever realized your fault?" she said.

Her face now pale instead of the red hue it took when she had started speaking. Liza panted for breath as she had spoken without stopping for breathing. All the anger that had rushed into her now slowly drained out of her body but left a tinge of satisfaction behind that she had never felt before. It felt good to let out all the anger. She had always held herself back when it came to Jonathan, always ignoring his little mistakes, always trying to be the gracious one but in this situation he knew that he didn't deserve her grace, that he didn't have the slightest right to expect an answer different than the one she had given.

Jonathan sat still as he heard Liza rant out her answer, she never once stopped for breathing. Now she sat in front of her, she was silent as if she was empty, her chest heaved up and down from exertion as if she had been running but there was no sign on her face which indicated that she felt even slightly different than she had just said. His mind replayed her answer. Every word she had said, he knew he deserved it. And although he had wished that she had seen how much he had changed, he couldn't speak a single word because he had to bear the burn. It was his punishment, for his faults, to be hated by the woman he loved. Knowing that she still hated him was going to be his personal hell but he was going to go through it, he was going to burn in it and he was going to cross it. "Why don't you answer my question?" Liza asked, putting an end to Jonathan's internal conversation. Liza's voice he noticed had now taken the usual cold undertone. "Huh?" he said. His face a mask of confusion. "I asked if you would have realized your mistake, had you not read my letters." Liza repeated again. Her previously fiery gaze was now calculated.

Jonathan felt as if he was walking on egg shells, his every move, every twitch of his hands was being assessed b Liza. He scrambled around for an answer. He had never really thought about it. He wanted to say yes, but he wasn't sure if the old Jonathan would have ever confessed his guilt. Old Jonathan might have buried all his mistakes and would have forgotten about it. Despite of the guilt he had felt every time he had been Stacy, he would have probably continued with it. He would have only stopped once he would have realized his mistake and it would have been too late then. With a start Jonathan realized what a crappy human being he had been. It took Liza's accident and her letters to make him realize his faults, his sins. He used to feel disgusted by the people who cheated on their spouses and then he had gone ahead and done the same. He had built his relationship with Liza on basis of trust and then he had gone ahead and destroyed the same foundation. Now that he looked back, he realized that at that time he didn't even have the right to seek an apology from Liza. He had tried to make her stay but once she had forgiven him, maybe he would have fallen into the same routine. Maybe he would have been distracted by someone else. He loved Liza but he hadn't really understood her importance till she had left him. He hadn't realized how much he needed her till she had kicked him to the curb and moved on with her own life.

"No, I am not sure if I would have. I had been too invested in my business, in my own problems. I made excuses to assuage my guilt. To justify what I did. I would have stopped doing it but I am not sure if I would have ever confessed it. I loved you then and I love you know, the only difference is that I didn't deserve the right to say that I loved you back then. I still don't deserve it but just know that I will try my damn best to earn it. "Jonathan said, his head down in the shame he was feeling. His heart was heavy with burden as he felt all the feelings of guilt and shame piling on it. Liza took in his downcast eyes, his clenched hands, his drooped shoulders. He looked like a man who had been defeated, no he looked even worse, and he looked like a man who had realized that the reason for his loss was he himself. Liza would have felt sorry for him had she been the Liza she was before but in that moment she felt nothing. She didn't feel even a shred of sympathy for Jonathan instead she felt a sense of satisfaction as watched him realize his faults, knowing that he had finally got what he deserved, understood what he had done.