You Saved Me Once Book 1 novel Chapter 34

I wake up before Jeff, gasping for air. I had another nightmare.

It was of my mother.

It was her face, her voice, her tears, her cries, and her screams.

Now awake, I can still see her, when closing my eyes. It’s a cold, burning after-image, that won’t go away.

There was another dream though.

It was about Hayes.

This made me feel even worse, because I felt this before. I’m not supposed to feel this.

I look at the stain on my pants. I feel sticky, and dirty, again. I want to cry for dreaming about Hayes that way. I’m crying now.

But, I make sure to cry far away from Jeff.

I grab my bag from Rochelle’s room. I see both her and Hayes cuddled together on her bed, they were still sleeping. I watch for a while, until it makes me sad.

The sun hasn’t risen yet, the air was cold, and the room was blue, quiet, and lonely.

When I get too sad, I go to the guest bathroom, and turn on the shower.

The steam clouds the bathroom. It warms me.

I drop my dirty clothes and stuff them in my bag. I’m gross again, it feels like, I’m a bad person for, feeling.

I am a bad person.

I get in the shower, and stand around for a while, hugging my-self. I’m too afraid to close my eyes, too afraid to see the images of my mother. I’m too ashamed of what I’d dreamt of Hayes, last night.

I’m too sad to stand in the shower, I squat, when I want to cry.

I’m crying now.

I cry for a while, letting the water wash away the tears. When the shower’s over, I want the thoughts to be over, too.