Accidental Surrogate for Alpha novel Chapter 104

Ella

“Ella, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy.” My sister’s voice floats through my phone, sounding more exasperated than irritated. After his shower, Sinclair went to his office, and I promptly called my sister for advice.

“What do you mean?” I inquire hesitantly, I’ve just finished explaining

“I mean,” She sighs heavily, “Who are you, and what have you done with my sister? You’ve always known exactly what you wanted and done whatever was necessary to make it happen. You are a strong, independent woman – not some bratty, indecisive, emotional basket-case who’s too caught up in a man to know her own heart.” She groans.

I wish I could argue with her assessment of my behavior, but I know she’s right. However, before I can acknowledge as much, she continues, “It’s like: you like Sinclair, you don’t like Sinclair. You want to be with him one moment, and the next you’re trying to foist him off on another woman – just make up your mind! I swear, I don’t even recognize you anymore!”

“Can’t you see that’s the problem! I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” I exclaim, rubbing my sore neck. “My entire life has been turned upside down –”

“I know! Because that’s all you ever talk about anymore.” She bursts, interrupting me. “Do you have any idea when you last asked me about my life? That you showed interest in anything other than your own problems?”

Her words sting, and I realize she’s right. I have been so wrapped up in my own drama that I’ve been neglecting my sister. I hate to think it, but the truth is I don’t have any idea what’s going on with her. “I’m sorry, Cora. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, but it would be nice to know you care!” She snaps, sounding more than a little petulant.

And she had the nerve to call us bratty! The little voice in my head observes.

“Are you serious?” I hiss. “People are trying to kill me, Cora. A psychotic bitch drugged and attempted to rape the father of my child. I’m committing a fraud of epic proportions in order to save an entire fucking species from civil war. And you’re pissed because for the first time in our entire lives, I’m not ignoring my own needs to take care of yours?”

“I never asked you to do that!” Cora argues, “you made that choice all on your own.”

“Because I had to!” I growl. “I had to be the strong one because you always fell apart at the first sign of trouble.”

“Then maybe you should have let me fall apart!” Cora counters defensively, “maybe if you had, I would have learned to stand on my own rather than relying on you.”

Nausea seizes my stomach, and I clench my eyes shut. “You know what I went through in order to protect you.” I finally say, my voice hoarse. “Do you really wish that I hadn’t? Was I supposed to stand by and let my sister be abused?”

A shaky breath vibrates against the receiver, and Cora’s voice is small when she speaks again. “You know that isn’t what I meant… but I have to live with the guilt of knowing you were hurt because of me. And sometimes I just think that maybe… maybe if you hadn’t protected me then at least we would have been in it together, rather than you being all alone.”

“And I would have never forgiven myself if I had.” I share, even as a wave of sorrow swells inside me to learn how she struggles with guilt. “Why haven’t you ever said this to me before?”

“Because you’ve never been willing to talk about it.” Cora scoffs. “I suppose that’s one thing I can thank Dominic for. Trust a bossy wolf to make you finally unlock your emotions.”

“He really did.” I acknowledge wryly. “I think maybe that’s why this is all so hard for me. I feel so… raw. I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally vulnerable, and I don’t have the first clue how to cope.”

“I can tell.” She laughs. “And it’s not your fault that you never learned how to handle feelings Ella, but you also have to take responsibility for learning now that you recognize the problem. You do realize this is why you’re having so many issues with Dominic, right?”

“No, it’s that our situation is insane.” I object pointedly. “It’s not like this isn’t the first time I’ve been in love.”

Oh my goddess, I think belatedly. I’m in love. I admitted that I was falling for Sinclair a while ago, but this is the first time I’ve been able to acknowledge that I passed the point of no return – even to myself. I’m not just falling, I’m completely in love with Sinclair, and avoiding a relationship with him isn’t going to change that.