Accidental Surrogate for Alpha novel Chapter 121

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains experiences of abuse and sexual assault – nothing explicit, but please take care reading!

Sinclair

Ella’s small body is completely stiff in my arms, even though we’re in her favorite place. I’ve only bathed with her once before, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how much she loves a bubble bath. She takes at least four a week, and when she’s upset I’ve known her to have a bath even after showering. Until I spoke with Cora about Ella’s self-care practices, I didn’t understand the connection to her childhood experience of neglect, but now that I know I’m determined never to deprive her of the comfort – even if my water bills go through the roof and the city goes into a drought.

“Are you ready to talk this out, trouble?” I inquire, resting my hands on her round tummy and feeling a pulse of stress from the baby. A fresh spark of worry assails me, and I know that Rafe is channeling his mother’s fraught emotions. Ella doesn’t respond to my question, and I press on, realizing that the poor little wolf isn’t going to relax until she knows I’m not going to reject her. “Sweetheart, it never even crossed my mind to end things. I love you.”

Ella’s muscles tighten further, though I didn’t think such a thing was possible. “But…” She stammers, twisting around to look at me, “but you left!”

“I’m sorry that I walked out.” I reply gently, grazing my knuckles over her cheek. “But it wasn’t because I ever had doubts about us.” I share, wondering about my sweet mate’s reaction. I know some survivors of child abuse view any confrontation as a disaster or threat, but Ella has weathered my anger in the past without any signs of a trauma response. “I was angry that you thought you don’t contribute anything to our relationship, and my wolf lost it when you suggested you couldn’t be my Luna. The idea of losing you pushed me over the edge, and I needed to calm down before continuing.”

Ella’s brow furrows, and I can see her grappling with her emotions. “Dominic, I didn’t just think you might end things.” She whispers, staring at the water. “I wasn’t even sure you’d come back… I think… I think maybe I have some abandonment issues I wasn’t completely aware of. And Mike’s betrayal and learning that I’m a wolf has thrown them into very sharp focus.”

Understanding washes over me, and I gently flip her body the rest of the way over. When Ella is facing me completely, I snuggle her to my chest, lowering my knees so that she can straddle my lap. “I”m so sorry, baby.” I profess, kissing her head and stroking her spine. “I shouldn’t have left you when you were already upset, I just don’t trust myself not to say things I don’t mean when I’m that angry. The same way I would never make a pack ruling or deliver a punishment in the height of a fury. I think taking some space in the heat of the moment can be healthy, but maybe we can find some way to take breaks in fights without too much physical distance.” I suggest. “But even if we can’t, you need to know that no matter how far I go or how long I stay away, I will always come back to you, Ella.”

Ella whimpers, and her arms tighten around me. “Thank you,” She hiccups, “and I’m sorry I said I couldn’t be your Luna, but you have to admit that I’m not pulling my weight here. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to be there for you and failed.”

“Ella, look at me for a moment.” I order, sliding my finger under her chin and pulling her eyes up to mine. “First of all – you take care of me all the time. You saved my campaign. You keep me calm when I’m being an ogre. You stand up to bullies like the Prince and Lydia, and you share my burdens even when I don’t want you to. Moreover, I need to dominate my mate. It’s in an Alpha’s DNA to nurture and protect. If you didn’t let me comfort and take care of you, I would be a mess.”

Ella frowns. “But I didn’t let you. I panicked.”