Big Bad Alphas novel Chapter 39

Our conversation is quiet, no more yelling and arguing. We have worn ourselves out, and my body cannot put up a fight against him anymore. My inner wolf was crushed from my actions just a few days ago.

The words that left both of us meant nothing that night, and we both understand that. Eric is upset with himself for bursting in on me, I can see it on his face. Many times I tell him that I forgive him, but he doesn't seem to forgive himself.

Our conversation is quiet, meaningful, and filled with regrets, and I am dying to move on. Selfishly, I have the power to forgive myself after Eric forgives me, but he cannot seem to do the same. I hate that he is so angry with himself. "I'm okay, Eric," I tell him as I caress his cheek softly. "Please—I'm not mad at you."

"What I said to you... I can never take it back," he murmurs and removes my hand from him.

"What you said doesn't matter to me anymore. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it." The bedsheets are knotted up beneath us, and we sit in the middle of it. The time is the last thing on my mind as I just want to get through to him.

"I can never forgive myself for how I treated you," he gazes directly into my eyes, giving me nowhere to hide. "I said you were my life, and that hasn't changed. How can I protect you if I'm the one hurting you?"

"But you're not hurting me."

He shakes his head. "I did. I saw it on your face."

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. "Eric, please—"

"Isabella, you're only hurting because of me. You're better off away from me."

"What about Alpha Kenn," I panic, needing him to agree with me. "Alpha Kenn will hurt me."

He stands up from the bed and nears the bedroom doors. "After everything is dealt with, I think it is best for you to stay with your mother."

"Y-You can't do that." He says nothing and leaves the room, but I stop him before he gets too far. "What—you won't even sleep with me?"

Eric turns away in silence for one of the guest rooms.

It is a sleepless night without him, something I didn't expect after leaving Evangeline's. I thought after dealing with myself everything would be all right, back to normal, but it has only gotten worse. I called him toxic; I said he ruined me, I know why he feels this way, and I hate myself for it.

All he wants is to protect me, to keep me happy, and now he believes the only way to accomplish that is a life without him in it. But I can't live without him. He said he couldn't live without me.

In the morning I find the house empty. Caroline is off with Lucas at her home, as she moved back. Marina has agreed to busy Kendra after being informed on my mood and what caused it. So the house is empty, letting me cry in many locations other than the upstairs bathroom with the door locked. When I was younger, I preferred to cry alone, not letting anyone see me, and I still prefer it that way.

After the clock strikes four, I seem to run out of tears, leaving me staring at the ground. I sit on the couch with my lips shut, with no plan on opening them. My thoughts aren't jumbled anymore—I can think clearly—I'm just suffering from an aching heart. My mate wants me to leave, not out of anger, but love. And convincing him otherwise is harder than I expected, as he refuses to blame me for any of it.

I need to prove to him that I need him, which shouldn't be difficult because I honestly do need him.