Big Bad Alphas novel Chapter 38

   "Isabella," a familiar voice calls, and I turn back to see Evangeline running towards me. "Wait."

   I stop and secure my towel, "I'm sorry, I have to leave."

   She catches up to me. "Just relax, you're too worked up, too irrational."

   "I can't stay here."

   She reaches out to me. "Just come with me, get some clothes and calm down."

   I shake my head, hating the fact that I have to refuse her. "I'm sorry—"

   "He doesn't have to know. Please, just come stay with me for the night. Eric doesn't have to know that you're with me." My eyes drift off. Evangeline seems desperate in her task to keep me on pack land. "Just sleep on it."

    I follow her back towards her house and enter with hesitation. She leads me upstairs and brings me clothes, reminding me of a mother, one I never had. I change and follow her back downstairs. Sebastian, her mate, is not here, and she sets me on the couch before bringing me a glass of water. I sip it, sit back, breathe, and take another sip.

   "Thank you, for the hospitality," I mumble, feeling worn out and depressed.

   She looks at me worriedly. "All I'm asking is that you sleep on it, okay?"

   I nod, for her, and she sits down with me.

   "What caused this, Isabella?" Evangeline asks carefully.

   I set down my water and take a few deep breaths. "I used to be the strong one, you know," the thought makes me almost laugh at myself. "I used to never show the weak side of me, for my sister, and she saw it tonight. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can hardly think straight sometimes."

Evangeline looks down as if she recalls something. "You know, I've been in your situation too many times. Confused, not thinking clearly, continually making the wrong decisions, believing that I shouldn't be a Luna—that I can't be. I tried running away once or twice—ran out in a towel too—and I thought I was losing my mind. Being mated to an Alpha, being a Luna, taking care of your sister; none of it is easy. Just stop, take a breath, and remember who you are. The worst thing that can happen is losing yourself through all of this. Having a mental breakdown is normal, just don't let it take over for too long."

   I lean back further into the couch and sigh. Evangeline is right, I am losing myself, and I have to grasp on before I'm like this forever. "What am I supposed to do? Everything I did—what I said, how is he expected to forgive me?"

   "Eric is understanding. You may have gotten him all riled up, but on the inside he's forgiving. Don't be turned away by the Alpha reactions, just sit down, the two of you alone, and be honest. An Alpha acts all intimidating and mighty when they feel threatened—worried even. You've worried him, Isabella."

   I bite the inside of my cheeks and swipe the falling hairs from my face. "Lately, that's all I've been doing. I don't know why. I just—I act on impulse instead of actually thinking like I used to."

   "There are many emotions in the Mate bond, and maybe you just became overwhelmed," she genuinely says to me, making me look up to her, again, the mother I never had. My mother never talked to me about feelings, as my father's death destroyed hers. "Take a day or two, stay here, collect your thoughts, organize your mind, and when you're ready, talk with him. Now isn't the time to run away. Your sister needs you; she's here for you. Kendra is welcome to stay here as well, or Marina can care for her."

   I shake my head. "Marina—I've asked too much of her. I feel terrible."

   "Marina loves children, Isabella. I'm sure she would be delighted to watch over your sister for the day. And when you're ready, you can explain to Kendra too on why you needed a break."

    I look to Evangeline, completely open for her help. "Why are you doing this for me?"

   "We're similar, Isabella. You're also my son's mate, the packs future, and I care about you, your well-being.  I wish I had someone to talk to me when I was younger and going through the same problems."

   After our talk, I went to bed. The next morning Evangeline and I had breakfast together and spoke so more about my recent feelings and actions, relating them to her past ones and talking about ways to fix them. Conversing with her is a tremendous help, making me feel more like the old, stable me than ever.

   Evangeline stayed with her promise on keeping Eric from me, from my location. He does not know where I am currently, and I wonder if he is thinking about me. I want to be better for him, for my sister, for Caroline, the pack, Evangeline, and my future. My thoughts of not wanting a mate anymore seem unreal now, and after a full day of healing, I truly, and utterly miss Eric. We agreed on another day away, yet sleeping the second night was a problem unlike the first.

   The next morning we drank tea, an earthy mixture that tasted funny, yet calmed me. Afterward, Evangeline took me for a walk through the forest, and like before; I noticed my surroundings more thoroughly. In my head, I described it all to myself, and I wanted to share this with my Mate. I remember our moments together when he would only listen.