Life After the Storm novel Chapter 56

I don't know what to think, as I'm waiting for him to barge into the bathroom. He never comes. I turn the water on. I let it warm as I feel the heat of the water on my hand, it feels so good. I step into the shower, I let the hot water pour over my body. I am shocked how satisfying it feels. As I look down, I see the water turn brown as it is cleaning all the dirt off my body. 

As I reach for the soap, it smells of coconut, loving the smell it is incredible. As I fill my hands with soap and rub it all over my body, god, how good it is making me feel. I haven't been this relaxed in a long time, and I don't want to get out of the shower. I could stay in here forever, loving the feeling. Of the heat on my body.

I then hear a door close. It makes me jump, thinking that he is coming in here. I open the shower curtain as my hands are shaking. I am trying to control my shaking hands, but I can't. Fuck I hate how I react to him, he frightens me so badly. I can't help but react this way. I shut the shower off, and I try to listen. To see if I hear anything but its dead silence.

I then go to step out of the shower and search for a towel. Once I find one, I wrap it around my body. When I go to open the door, I become scared, not sure what is happening. I don't want to open it, but I know I need to be strong. So, I make myself turn the handle to walk out of the bathroom. But when I walk out of the bathroom to the bedroom, no one is there. I'm surprised. Did he just leave really, is this all for real or is it a bad dream? I then open the closet and look for something to wear. I grab a pair of black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. 

As I look around the room, I wonder where the hell he went. I'm so confused by what is happening. I need to figure out what is going on with Ivan. Before when I looked into his eyes, all I saw was darkness and evil, but not this time I saw empathy and love. I have never seen that side of him. I want to go find him just to see where he has gone. 

I'm scared to leave the bedroom, wondering if this is a test to see if I would escape? I hate being so unsure and weak, I need not to be afraid and try to find a way to fight. I can't live a life in fear of my mate. I need to figure this shit out. Star has been quiet, I'm not sure why, but she isn't talking to me. I know that she is hurt by what our mate has done to us.

My mom would always say, “Lilly, the past is gone, soon to be forgotten. You need to live your life to the fullest. That every minute is precious.”

I don't want to live in the past but damn how do I move forward? Every time when I think of my life is finally on track, something explodes and throws it off track. What I do know is I can't stay here. I have to get out of this room. I'm not sure where to go, the only place that I know is Landon.

I rush out the door, hoping he doesn't come back and see me leaving. He seems so different, but it has to be an act. I'm so confused as I'm running to Landon's house, I don't even know if he'll let me in. He is so afraid of Ivan. Everybody is. Maybe if we would all stand up to him, he would finally lose the power he has over all of us.