Lost Me, Gained Regret (Jane and Bryant Ferguson) novel Chapter 436

On the way to the hotel, the driver was at the wheel. We sat in the back, with Bryant mostly silent. Every so often, he glanced my way but said nothing. His silence suited me just fine—there wasn’t much I wanted to talk about either, so we just sat there in quiet. The hotel wasn’t far off. And in that silence, we soon arrived.

“That boy who called you Aunt earlier, is he Gregory’s nephew?” After a long while, in the quiet of the car, Bryant’s deep, husky voice finally broke the silence. I looked up at him, meeting his complex gaze, “Yeah, his cousin’s son.”

Bryant seemed restless, impulsively pulling out a pack of cigarettes and drawing one to his lips, then catching my eye and stopping himself from lighting it. He tossed the cigarette into the ashtray with irritation, fixing his gaze on me, hesitating before finally voicing his question, his voice trembling ever so slightly.

“You and Gregory, are you together now?” I faced him squarely, feeling not a shred of guilt. It was as if everything had changed over time. As if I had anticipated this moment between us. Either he would be with someone else or I would. It was nothing out of the ordinary. There was nothing to lie about, nothing to hide, I simply smiled, “Not yet.”

“Not yet?” His eyes narrowed, catching the nuance in my tone. I nodded, openly, “Right. There’s a misunderstanding between us that hasn’t been cleared up yet.” Bryant’s Adam’s apple bobbed, his voice coming out rough and dry, “And after it’s cleared?” “Then, we’ll likely be together.” I looked at him earnestly, “Then what? Get married? Have kids? I don’t know. There are too many unknowns, but that’s the plan for now.”

As I finished speaking, the atmosphere thickened further. Bryant seemed frozen, barely breathing, shrouded in the shadow of the setting sun, looking particularly dejected. After a long moment, he took a deep breath, as if suppressing some emotion. Suddenly, his voice was soft, “And what about me? Jane, you’ve moved on so far, but it feels like I’m still stuck in the same place.”

“Bryant, be fair.” I licked my lips, letting out a sigh, “It’s been ten years, you have no right to expect me to stay put. Back then, the one who couldn’t even get a glance from her husband was me; the one entangled with Margaret Ferguson was you; but the one who never gave up on me was Gregory.” I asked him, with a smile, “If you were me, who would you choose?”

Bringing up these things, I harbored no resentment. It was as if I was talking about someone else’s life. Bryant watched me, “When did this happen?” I glanced at the bustling streets outside, “I was diagnosed the month you brought me back from Vista Town.”

“Was it me…” His voice shook, disbelief in his eyes as he reached out, then hesitated, “Did I… drive you to depression?” “It was also my choice.” I didn’t want to put all the blame on him. After all, not loving me wasn’t his fault, “By the time I was diagnosed, the doctor said I must have been depressed for a long time. Bryant, I’m telling you this not because I want you to feel guilty. I’ve moved on now. I just want to live a good life.”

“What does a good life look like?” “A life without you.” I took a deep breath, speaking with release, “The past was my choice. As for the future, let’s just go our separate ways and wish each other well.”