Daddy Alpha I’m In Heat (Lily and Connor) novel Chapter 68

Lily

As we drove back to his place, I swear my mind was a complete disaster. I couldn’t stop talking inside my head.

Every two seconds it was another thought, another fear, another image of Connor’s face when he said he would punish me. I didn’t even know what kind of punishment he meant, and somehow that made it worse. Or maybe better. Or maybe both. God, I was confused.

My heart was pounding so loudly that the silence in the car felt like it was amplifying it. Connor didn’t speak. Not once. His jaw was tight. His hand gripped the steering wheel so firmly I could see the veins in his wrist standing out, and I kept thinking about how angry he was, and how I deserved every part of it.

My wolf was restless inside me. Restless was even too soft of a word. She was pacing. Snarling. Growling. Begging. Talking nonstop the same way I was.

(He’s going to punish us. Let him. Let him make us make up for what we did. We deserve it. We want it. We need him. We need his voice and his anger and his hands…)

I kept sneaking looks at him. Just tiny ones. Like if he noticed me staring, he’d snap, but if I didn’t look at him, I would explode. His expression was so harsh and unreadable. I didn’t know if he wanted to yell or break something or shift. Maybe all three.

Every time the car hit a bump in the road, my stomach dropped. My mind went back to his words. The tone.

The promise. The darkness in his eyes. I kept wondering what kind of punishment I was going to get. Was he going to lecture me? Confront me? Make me confess every detail? Ignore me? Make me feel the hurt I caused?

Every possibility made me feel a different kind of dizzy.

My wolf was practically panting now.

(He won’t let this go. He can’t. He’s our mate. He needs to show us. We messed up. We hurt him. Let him respond. Let him be Alpha. Let him show the truth of the bond.)

I pressed my hands together so hard my fingers ached. I didn’t know if I was bracing myself or keeping myself from reaching for him.

When he finally pulled into his driveway, my whole body felt like it was vibrating. The car hadn’t even stopped moving but my heart had already started sprinting like it was preparing for impact.

He still didn’t look at me.

He just breathed out slowly.

“Upstairs. Now.”

That’s all he said.

Two words.

Two syllables.

I didn’t even realize I was already walking toward the stairs until my palm hit the railing.

My brain? Gone.

My breath? Gone.

My wolf was going crazy in my head. Literally insane. She was pacing in tight circles, tail lashing, snarling and panting at the same time like she wanted to throw herself at his feet and beg to be forgiven and punished and claimed in one breath. She wouldn’t shut up.

(He’s going to punish us. You heard that voice. You feel that bond. He’s not letting this go. And we don’t want him to. Let him put us in our place. Let him remind us who we belong to. Let him make it hurt so we never forget.)

“Shut up,” I hissed under my breath as I reached the top of the stairs. But I didn’t really mean it.

Because I wanted what she wanted.

And I hated myself for wanting that.

I hated how wet I was.

I hated that even now, even after everything, I was aching for him to make me pay for what I did.

I stepped into his room and stopped right in the center.

“I know you’re mad,” I said.

My voice was shaking.

I wrapped my arms around myself even though it didn’t help.

“And I’m not going to beg you not to be angry because you should be angry. I would be. I would’ve lost my mind if I saw you with someone else. I would’ve shifted right there and destroyed them. So if you want to break me, yell at me, look at me like I disgust you–do it. I can take it.”

(We deserve worse, my wolf whispered. Let him destroy us. Let him make it right.)

I was breathing too fast now.

My chest was tight.

My eyes were already wet.

“Please be gentle with me,” I said. “I am carrying your pup, Connor. I feel so overwhelmed and ashamed and terrified I am going to lose you. I am carrying your pup, and I am scared. I don’t want you to look at me with anger. I don’t want you to think I am choosing anyone over you. I don’t want you to feel like I do not love you. I am begging you to be gentle with me because I am falling apart and I do not know how to stop.”

“Do you really think I would do anything bad to our pup?” he asked.

“Is that what you think of me, Lily?” he asked. “Is that truly what you think of the man who has loved you since the beginning? You believe I would harm you or our pup? You believe I would lose control and forget who you are to me? Is that how badly you see me now?”

“That is not what I think of you,” I said quickly.

He breathed deeply, and his voice softened just enough to make me cry harder.

“Is that how bad you think of me,” he asked again, “that I would become a danger to the one person I swore I would always protect?”

I shook my head, overwhelmed.

“No. That is not it. I know you would never harm me. I know you would never harm our pup. I know you are the safest place I have ever had. I only said it because I was frightened and emotional. I am not thinking straight.

His shoulders relaxed slightly, and for the first time since everything happened, he looked like he was breathing normally.

My wolf whimpered inside me, whispering for forgiveness, for softness, for the bond to settle again.

“I am sorry,” I said. “I am so sorry, Connor. I never meant to look at you with fear. I never meant to make you feel like a threat. You are the father of my pup. You are my mate. You are the person I still love, even through the disaster I caused. I am scared, and my fear is messy, and it came out wrong. I only want you gentle because I am breaking and I do not know how to hold myself together.”

He stared at me quietly for a long moment. Then he exhaled a breath that sounded like it had been trapped in his chest since the moment he saw me earlier.

“Lily,” he said softly, “I would never hurt you. And I would never hurt our pup. Not even in anger. Not even by accident. I need you to believe that. I need you to know who I am to you.”

“But that doesn’t stop me from punishing you.”

The way he said it? My legs almost buckled. Like I wasn’t already shaking from the look in his eyes alone.

“You let another man touch what belongs to me.”

Oh my God. Oh my actual God. My stomach dropped. My breath hitched. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness but also… not really. Because fuck, the way he looked at me when he was pissed made me want to misbehave again and again and again.

“Now strip.”

My fingers shook. I swear my soul left my body. I tried to unzip slowly but my hands were too clumsy. My nipples were hard. My thighs were slick. I didn’t even try to hide it.

“Slower,” he snapped. “You don’t get to rush this. You get wet for another man and think I won’t make you cry?”

Say sorry. Say it now, my wolf whined in my head, but I was too turned on to even breathe properly. I was too busy biting my lip and imagining his hands around my neck.

He stepped behind me, big and angry and fully clothed while I was naked and exposed, standing there like a slut who needed to be taught a lesson. And I did. I so did.

“Hands on the desk. Ass out. Don’t you dare look back.”

I gasped. My palms slapped onto the desk, hard, and I bent forward, sticking my ass out high like he’d trained me to. My nipples dragged along the cold wood, and I whimpered. Because that’s what I was. His little bitch. His toy. His property. And I was about to pay the price for ever forgetting that.

I heard his belt slide open.

Then the zipper.

Then the sound of his cock slapping against his palm. God. I didn’t even need to look. I could feel how thick it was just from the tension in the air.

“You’re mine. And no one touches what’s mine without punishment.”

“On second thought… get down.”

I blinked. I turned my head slightly, confused, but he grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me up so hard I stumbled.

“To the bed,” he said, his tone leaving no room for breath. “Now.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,”

I dropped onto the bed like a bitch, crawled to the center on shaky limbs, and flipped over. I spread my legs wide–wide enough that the cool air hit my soaking wet folds–and I fell back onto my elbows, looking up at him with eyes that begged for forgiveness and cock at the same time.

“Is this what you wanted to see?” I asked, my voice breathy, soaked with need. “My nasty little pussy? All wet for you, Daddy?”

He didn’t answer. He just stared. Hard. Angry. Hungry. Like I had just become the center of his entire world, and he wanted to break it open and own it.

Show him, my wolf whispered, her voice thick with arousal and shame. Show him everything. Spread those thighs. Make him mad. Make him punish us. We deserve it. We want it. We want to be ruined.

I reached down with both hands, hooked two fingers into my folds, and spread myself open for him–slowly, fully, shamelessly.

I showed him my swollen lips, the way my little hole clenched around nothing. I was glistening. I was soaked. And I couldn’t even pretend to hide it anymore.

He stepped closer, looming over me with his pants still open, his cock thick and hard and angry between his thighs. He didn’t touch me. He just stared. And then he spoke.

“Fucking look at that,”

“You’re dripping.”

“I am,” I moaned, unable to stop myself. “I’m so wet for you, Daddy. I don’t care how mad you are. I need it. I need your cock. Please. I’ll be your good girl. I’ll do whatever you say. Just please… punish me.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Then I saw it.

He turned and walked toward the minibar in the corner of the room.

No. No fucking way, my wolf breathed, her voice shaking with wicked excitement. He’s not..he wouldn’t..

But he did. Oh fuck.