I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 104

Chapter 104

Chapter 104

Emery’s POV

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I am in the most stupid… what even is this? Chicken costume? Pajamas? Both? I don’t know. And I’m eating mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Let me just clarify, I hate mint chocolate chip. It tastes like regret and toothpaste.

But here I am, tucked into the corner of the couch, the hood of this ridiculous get-up pulled halfway over my head, wings draped around me like a sad, defeated poultry blanket… punishing myself one gross spoonful at a

time.

Why?

Well, if anyone actually cared about my mess of a life, here it is:

I’m in love with my soon-to-be stepbrother.

Yeah. I said it. Again. And again and again, because maybe if I say “soon-to-be” enough, it’ll sound less disturbing. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

I love Atlas.

I do.

God, I want to scream it…run to the rooftop and shout it out like a total lunatic. But that would be a very bad idea. Because not only is this completely, catastrophically forbidden, but I’m pretty sure he hates me now. Has to.

After what I pulled? I hate me.

So here I am. Punishing myself with minty regret and chicken humiliation. I don’t even know how I got this pajama thing. Was it a gift? Did I order it during a mental breakdown? Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past me.

I slump deeper into the couch like it’s trying to swallow me whole. I’ve been marinating in my own shame for, what? Hours? Days?

Atlas hasn’t been home early in two days. Probably on purpose. Definitely on purpose. He’s been avoiding me like I’m some contagious disease.

I don’t blame him.

If I were him, I’d probably tell me to go fuck myself too.

I sighed, dragging the spoon around the half-melted ice cream like it might reveal life’s answers at the bottom of the pint.

I glanced at my phone: 8:02 PM.

18:19 Wed, Jan 14

Chapter 104

Okay. That meant I had, what…two hours before Atlas came home? Two hours of wallowing in chocolate mint that by the way okay gross that thing test like toothpaste and no offense but guys that dig this need to get checked.

I scooped another bite and…

Click.

The sound of the door unlocking stopped me cold.

I froze.

Eyes wide. Spoon mid-air. Body tense like I’d just seen a ghost.

Because, of course. Of course he chose tonight to come home early.

Of all the possible moments, this had to be the one where I was dressed like a deranged chicken with ice cream smeared on my lip.

And there he was.

Standing in the doorway.

Atlas.

“A-Atlas?” I croaked, my voice cracking with horror.

He blinked. Took me in. The full picture. Pajamas. Ice cream. Chicken hood. My soul physically left my body.

“W-What are you doing here?” I stammered, cheeks flaming, heart slamming against my ribs. “No,don’t answer that. Just… shit.”

I was already up. Flinging the spoon somewhere behind me. Ice cream nearly tipping. My feet barely hit the ground before I bolted down the hallway, wings flapping like I was about to take flight.

I didn’t look back.

I slammed the door shut and threw myself against it, panting, palms flat on the wood, like that would somehow erase the memory from both our minds.

Kill me now.

I just lived through the most embarrassing night of my life..just Great.

****

The tension? Yeah, it could slice through metal.

Back in the living room, I sat in a sweatshirt and black leggings, no more chicken PJs. Those things? I was literally going to set them on fire and bury the ashes in a place no one would ever find. Ever.

18:19 Wed, Jan 14

Chapter 104

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Atlas sat at the far end of the couch. So far away. I hated the distance. I hated the awkwardness. This wasn’t us.

My fingers curled around the edge of the cushion, knuckles tight. I could feel my heart hammering beneath my sweatshirt like it was trying to escape my chest.

So many voices echoed in my head.

Why was he here? (It’s his apartment, Emery. You’ve got to stop asking that.)

Did he want us to talk?

Was he going to curse me out?

My stomach twisted. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I turned, opening my mouth, ready to finally say the words I’d been dying to spill all night, but Atlas beat me to it.

“I’m sorry.”

I blinked. Wait, what?

No. No, I was the one who should be apologizing, not him. He didn’t do anything wrong.

“Atlas…” I sat up straighter, eyes searching his face.

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