I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 105

Chapter 105

Emery’s POV

I fucking hate miscommunication….I’m against that shit. I’ve watched a lot of movies to know just how bad it could be like I’m yelling at a what 30 something old woman to freaking just say the truth and stop hurting her love interest but she rather keeps it all in and hide in pain and we the viewers have to bear this pain with her and watch her whining like a 5 year old.

So no way in hell was I gonna be that female lead.

I got up from my chair and did what came to my mind.

“You jerk,” I whispered not giving him a second to process what was going on, I grabbed fistfuls of his T-shirt right over his chest, and kissed him.

Atlas went still for one shocked second, lips parted like he was mid-sentence. Then he groaned, low and rough, the sound rumbling straight into my mouth, and kissed me back like he’d been waiting for it all damn day.

His big hands snapped to my waist, fingers splaying wide and possessive, yanking me hard against him until there wasn’t an inch of space left between our bodies. One arm locked around my lower back, the other sliding up to cradle the nape of my neck, tilting my head exactly how he wanted so he could take the kiss deeper.

Gosh, I loved that about him. No hesitation. No playing hard to get. The second my mouth was on his, he was all in, tongue sweeping against mine, hungry and sure, like this was the only thing he’d wanted since the moment he walked into the room.

My knees went weak at the sound he made, another soft, needy groan that vibrated through me. I pressed closer, rising onto my toes, my fingers twisting tighter in his shirt until the fabric bunched under my knuckles. His stubble scraped my chin in that rough, perfect way that sent sparks down my spine. When I nipped his bottom lip, he moaned low in his throat, the sound so damn hot my whole body clenched.

He pulled back just enough to breathe, forehead dropping to rest against mine. His chest rose and fell fast, gray eyes dark and blown wide. A flush rode high on his cheekbones, and his lips, swollen now, red from me, curved into the tiniest, dazed smile.

“What the fuck, Collins?” he rasped, voice wrecked and gravelly. His thumbs stroked slow, soothing circles over my hips where his hands still gripped me like I might vanish. “You can’t just kiss me like that…it’s messing with my brain.”

“I’m Sorry.” I breathed out still trying to catch my breath after the hot session of a kiss. “I messed up, Atlas. Not you. I thought letting you go on that movie date would help, but it didn’t. While you were there with Sophie, I kept thinking…no, praying…it wouldn’t turn into anything more.”

My voice cracked. “I hated myself for doing something so stupid, thinking I could handle it. Atlas, the reason I did that wasn’t because I was playing games or taking your feelings for granted….Gosh, no. It’s because… I…..I love you.”

My heart was pounding so damn loud I swear the neighbors could’ve heard it through the walls. My palms

Chapter 105

were sweaty where they clutched his shirt, my chest rising and falling too fast. I watched his face-those storm-gray eyes widening, pupils blowing out, mouth parting like the air had been punched out of him. He didn’t say anything. Just stared. And that silence? It terrified me.

Shit. Should I not have said that?

“I… I know it’s crazy,” I rushed on, voice cracking, checks burning hotter than the sun. “I mean, like, saying it now isn’t the right place or ti-”

The rest of the sentence died the second his lips crashed into mine.

He kissed me hard-desperate, claiming, like he was trying to pour every unspoken thing straight into my mouth. His hands gripped my waist, yanking me impossibly closer until my feet left the floor. I wrapped my legs around his hips on instinct, thighs squeezing tight as he lifted me like I weighed nothing. My arms looped around his neck, fingers digging into the back of his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan against my lips.

“I love you too,” he rasped between kisses, voice wrecked and low. “Emery Collins… so fucking much.”

My heart beat tripled like it was trying to break out of my ribs and hand itself to him on a platter. Atlas freaking Lawson loves me. The words echoed in my head, dizzying, perfect.

I smiled so wide it hurt, then captured his mouth again-slow this time, tender, savoring every slide of his tongue, every soft hitch in his breath.

But slow didn’t last. The kiss turned hungry fast. He sucked hard on my lower lip, teeth grazing just enough to make me whimper. I could feel myself getting more turned on and wet.

“Fuck, Atlas,” I gasped when he pulled back for air, my lips swollen and tingling.

His hands slid under my thighs, lifting me higher, grinding me against the hard length of him through our clothes. I moaned loud, shameless, head tipping back as he kissed down my neck, sucking a mark right where my pulse hammered.

We stumbled toward my room, mouths never leaving each other. He kicked the door shut behind us with his foot.

I tugged at his shirt, desperate; he yanked mine up and over my head in one rough motion. Hands flew…his shirt gone, my bra unhooked and tossed somewhere, his jeans shoved down just enough. By the time the backs of my knees hit the mattress we were both breathing like we’d run a marathon, half naked, fully turned

“Do you have any condoms?” he asked, voice low, eyes dark and locked on mine as he hovered over me.

“Yeah, in the drawer.” I nodded toward the nightstand, chest heaving.

He started to move, but I caught his wrist, fingers wrapping tight.

“What’s wrong?” His brows furrowed, concern flashing through the lust.

I swallowed, face burning so hot I was sure it was stop-sign red. My voice came out small but sure. “I want to

feel you… no barrier. Just you.”

His eyes flared wide, then darkened to something almost feral. “Are you sure?”

I nodded fast, biting my lip. “I’m on the pill. And I’m not even close to ovulation… we’re safe.”

Atlas’s smile was slow, wicked, and so damn soft at the edges it made my heart stutter. Then his mouth was on mine again, hungry, devouring, while his hands worked the rest of our clothes off. He never broke eye contact, gray eyes burning into mine like he was memorizing every flicker of my expression.

“I’m gonna go slow,” he whispered against my lips, voice rough with restraint. “Tell me if it’s too much.”

I nodded, heart pounding, thighs trembling as he settled between them. He notched himself at my entrance, thick and hot, and pushed in…slow, so slow….stretching me inch by delicious inch.

“Fuck,” I groaned, the word tearing out of me the second he sank deeper. He wasn’t even all the way in yet and it already felt so good….full, perfect, overwhelming in the best way. My nails dug into his shoulders, back arching off the bed.

“You okay?” he asked, pausing, muscles trembling with the effort to hold still. His forehead pressed to mine, breath ragged, eyes searching my face like my answer was the only thing that mattered.

“Why the hell have we been using condoms?” I breathed out, half-laugh, half-moan, hips rocking up instinctively to take more of him.

He chuckled, low, dark, the sound vibrating through both of us. “Good question, baby.”

Then he moved again…slow, deep rolls of his hips that had me gasping, clinging, whispering his name like a prayer. Every thrust dragged against every sensitive spot inside me, bare and raw and so intimate I could barely breathe. His hands gripped my hips, thumbs stroking the sensitive skin there, grounding me even as he unraveled me.

“Look at me,” he murmured when my eyes fluttered shut. I forced them open, meeting his gaze, intense, reverent, completely wrecked. “I love you,” he said again, voice breaking on the words as he sank in fully, hips flush to mine.

“I love you too,” I whispered back, tears pricking the corners of my eyes, not from pain, but from how much I felt everything. Him. Us. This.

He kissed me then…deep, filthy, tongues tangled as he started to move. Slow at first, then harder, faster, until the bed creaked under us and my moans turned into broken cries of his name.

And God… nothing had ever felt this good. Nothing ever would.

****

Atlas and I laid tangled in bed, skin on skin, nothing between us but the soft blanket half-draped over our bodies and the quiet rise and fall of our breathing. My head rested on his chest, right over the steady thump of his heartbeat, and his fingers traced slow, lazy circles across my bare back. I swear I could fall asleep right here and never want to wake up.

The room smelled like sex and peace and something that felt dangerously close to forever.

I tilted my head, eyes finding his, he was already watching me. Of course he was. That boy stared like he was trying to memorize me.

He leaned in, brushing his lips against mine. “I love you.”

God. That voice. That soft, sleepy tone that made everything feel safe.

I smiled, heart fluttering like it was brand-new all over again. “I love you too.”

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