I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 118

Chapter 118

Emery’s POV

I lost.

Of course I did.

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Like, what the hell was I even thinking? That somehow everything would magically work out? That maybe…I could finally catch a damn break?

I slammed my locker shut, my chest feeling like it was carrying the weight of the entire universe. My stomach twisted. My hands were still shaking. And just then, because the universe has a real messed up sense of humor, I bumped right into Sophie.

She stopped in her tracks. Her expression dropped from shock to a tight, bitter frown.

“Hi,” I said, my voice so weak it didn’t even sound like me.

She didn’t say anything.

“Sophie, please…”

“No.” Her voice cracked like a whip. “Did I look stupid to you? Was that the fun part? Me standing there like a freaking idiot telling you about my feelings for Atlas?”

I blinked fast, trying to hold it together. “No…… I… I never wanted to hurt you…”

“And yet,” she cut in, eyes blazing, “you gave me hope. You sat there smiling and nodding while I poured my heart out. Meanwhile, you knew. You knew the whole time, didn’t you?”

“I…it wasn’t like that.”

“Oh my God, Em.” She groaned and shut her eyes, like she was physically trying to hold back a scream. “I’m worn out, and I don’t have the strength for this conversation. So please…just leave me alone.”

Then she walked out.

Gone.

And honestly? I deserved that.

I stood there like a brick, her words replaying on loop. She was mad, obviously. She had every right to be. I basically strung her along, let her think Atlas might actually feel something, when I knew. I freaking knew,

Now that I think about it… I’m a shitty friend.

And lowkey? I’m lucky she didn’t punch me in the face.

I ducked into the nearest bathroom and locked myself in a stall, itting on the toilet with the lid down. I stared at nothing for

a while, trying to pretend the whispers outside weren’t slicing my open from the inside out.

Maybe I should’ve skipped the meet.

Maybe I should’ve stayed home.

Coach didn’t say anything harsh, but I could feel it.

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Chapter 118

The judgment. The eyes. The weight.

After a few minutes, I sat up straighter and whispered to myself. No slouching.”

Fake it till you make it, right?

I reached for the handle, ready to face the music, only to hear two voices walk in.

“Some balls she has,” one girl said with a snort.

“Tell me about it. Showing up with cupcakes? Like, ew. No thanks, bad luck bitch,” the other added.

They laughed. Loudly. Shamelessly.

“And can you believe she’s hooking up with her stepbrother? Freaking slut.”

Ouch.

“Honestly,” the first girl giggled, “if Atlas was my stepbrother, I’d totally hit that. He’s so hot.”

They broke into full-on fan-girl mode like they didn’t just finish tearing me apart.

Old Emery would’ve kicked open the stall and gone full savage.

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Old Emery would’ve called them out for the double standard, how it’s always the girl getting labeled, never the guy.

But this Emery?

This Emery stood there.

Quiet.

Ashamed.

Exhausted.

And then came a slow, sarcastic clap.

“You guys are actual pieces of shit,” Jazz said, her voice sharp like glass.

“I swear, I felt like I was gonna throw up just listening to you,” San added.

“Oh please,” one of the girls said with a huff. “You shouldn’t be defending someone like her.”

Л

“Someone like her?” Jazz’s tone turned lethal. “Girl, don’t even get me started. You literally screwed your best friend’s boyfriend, Bree. And Yolanda? Should we talk about you and Ale in the training room? Or nah?”

GASPS.

Voices escalated. Defensiveness. Denial. Excuses. Everyone trying to cover their own ass.

But I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even think. I shoved the stall door open and stormed out.

Everything went quiet the second they saw me. Like someone mute on reality.

“Em…” Jazz said, her face crumbling, eyes soft with pity.

Nope.

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Chapter 118

I wasn’t doing pity.

I walked fast, head down, heart racing like a freaking car alarm.

“Collins, can we ta…” Coach started, appearing out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry, Coach,” I said, not slowing down. “Some other time, okay?”

I was already halfway to the parking lot.

I needed out.

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Fast.

The second I got into my car, I yanked the door shut, pressed my forehead to the steering wheel, and let out a shaky breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding.

And then I started the engine.

And drove.

Away from the noise.

Away from the stares.

Away from all of it.

****

The car ride was a blur.

Honestly, I don’t even remember getting this far. One minute I was leaving the school, the next, I was parked outside the giant-ass gate of our new mansion, just… staring.

“Drive in,” the little voice in my head whispered.

But that would mean seeing everyone. Facing it.

^

Facing my dad, who’d smile like everything was okay even though I knew deep down he was disappointed. Daisy, with her soft pity eyes and her let’s make Emery feel better casserole. And Atlas…

God.

Atlas.

I couldn’t see him. Not tonight. Not when I felt like this, like a failure. Like a pathetic, heartbroken joke.

The shame hit me hard and fast. Shame for losing. For hurting Sophie. For wanting someone I could never have.

For missing his voice. His hands. His lips. The way he looked at me like I was the only person in the damn world.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and next thing I knew, I was slamming my car into reverse, tires screeching a little as I peeled away

from the house.

Where was I going?

Hell if I knew. I just needed out. Away from the mansion. Away from my feelings. Away from the stupid world.

I finally pulled up at a red light, hands tight on the steering wheel, breathing like I’d just run a marathon. The city lights

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Chapter 118

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blurred around me, and I reached for my phone…bad idea, I know, but my brain wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders right

now.

I opened my gallery.

File name: School Work.

Yeah, right.

Inside were pictures of Atlas.

Unaware ones. Ones I secretly took. Him shirtless making eggs, air a mess. Him wearing those dumb black-rimmed glasses that made him look like a hot-ass nerd while studying. One where I forced him to take a selfie after we tied in rock-paper- scissors and I threatened to tickle him if he didn’t smile.

God. That smile.

I felt a small grin tug at my lips, even if it hurt like hell. I missed hat. I missed him.

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