I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 177

Chapter 177

Atlas POV

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I have no idea which was louder the ticking of the clock or my fucking heart.

It had been a moment I revealed the reason why my heart hurt all day or rather week,why it felt like a piece of me was soon to be snatched away, why it fucking felt like my world was being ripped apart.

And she remained silent staring at me not saying a since word. I gulped fingers tapping lightly at my knee a method I did to prevent my legs from bumping. Shit was nervous as fuck.

Suddenly she gave this tiny, confused laugh. “Oh wow. I didn’t know my presence was making you…”

“Don’t go, Em.”

The words came out rougher than I meant them to.

Her face changed instantly. The teasing disappeared. Her eyes widened, and she turned toward me fully now.

“Please,” I said, quieter this time. “Don’t go.”

Her mouth parted slightly like she didn’t know what to do with that.

Then she looked away, cleared her throat, and tried to pull herself back together. “Atlas… I have to. That’s basically what we agreed on.”

“I know.” I nodded, but it didn’t make it easier. “I know, but… come on, Em. How am I supposed to go back to normal without you here?”

“Atlas…”

No.

I couldn’t let her stop this.

Not now.

I shifted closer, just a little, enough that she could feel how serious I was without making her feel cornered

“Em, you feel like light in a part of me that’s been dark for way too long. I wake up excited because I know I’ll see you. I come home wanting to tell you everything because it all matters more when it’s you. You make me smile. You make this place feel alive. I held her eyes. “I don’t want this to end.”

I could see the emotion moving through her face, see the fight in it. And because I was already too far in to stop now, I let the last part out too.

“And some part of me knows you feel it too.”

She didn’t say anything.

10:40 Thu, Mar 26 M …

Chapter 177

Just stared at me.

Long enough that my chest tightened and one ugly thought slipped in.

You pushed too hard.

So I made myself pull back, even though it felt like ripping off skin.

“You don’t have to answer now,” I said. “Just think about…”

“I’ll stay.”

I froze.

Actually froze.

Then I turned toward her so fast it almost hurt.

“What?”

She looked nervous now, but she didn’t look away.

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“You’re right,” she said softly. “You’re the light in my dark world too.” Her voice shook just a little. “And without that light… everything feels cold. Quiet. Sad.” She swallowed. “I don’t want that kind of sadness again.”

For a second, I couldn’t even speak.

I just looked at her.

Then I reached for her and pulled her into me.

Tight.

Instinctive.

Relieved in a way I didn’t have words for.

“Thanks, Em,” I murmured into her hair.

She

gave a soft laugh against my chest. “You don’t have to thank me. I get a roommate I can mess with, so really this works out for me too.”

I laughed under my breath and pulled back enough to look at her.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, smiling. “Yeah.”

We stayed close even after the hug broke, our knees touching, our faces too near now for me to pretend I wasn’t aware of every inch of space between us.

10:40 Thu, Mar 26 M …

Chapter 177

“Hey,” she said, her tone turning lighter, “when I get extra messy, you better not kick me out.”

I smiled before I could stop myself.

“Never.” I held her gaze. “I love every messy part of you.”

That got her.

I watched her face turn pink so fast it made my chest tighten.

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She looked down for a second, then back at me, and we just sat there quiet, breathing the same air, my eyes locked on hers.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she whispered.

I smiled, slow and helpless. “You tell me, Em. You know me better than anyone.”

She went still.

Her eyes searched mine like she was reading every thought I hadn’t said out loud yet, every secret I’d been trying, and failing, to keep to myself. Then, so softly I almost thought I imagined it, she said,

“Do it.”

I heard it.

Every damn syllable.

A smile pulled at my mouth, and I leaned in, closing the distance slowly, giving her every chance to change her mind.

She didn’t.

So I kissed her.

Gently.

Like I’d wanted to for too long and didn’t trust myself not to ruin it if I moved too fast.

Her lips were soft and warm, and the second they touched mine, the rest of the world disappeared. No noise. No games. No pressure. No countdown to when she’d be gone.

Just Emery.

She knew me.

Better than anyone.

My beautiful Em.

And then, just as fast, she pulled away.

10:40 Thu, Mar 26 0 …

Chapter 177

“Shit! my face mask.”

:

I blinked, caught off guard, and watched her eyes widen in horror.

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She jumped up from the couch, one hand flying to her cheek. “I’m gonna go wash it off really quick.”

And before I could say a word, she was gone, half jogging, half panicking, straight to her room.

I sat there for one second.

Then I smiled to myself and got up to follow her.

By the time I reached her room, I could hear water running in the bathroom. I leaned against the doorframe and waited, listening to the rush of the sink and the soft little movements coming from inside.

A minute later, the bathroom door opened.

She stepped out wiping her face with a towel, her skin clean now, cheeks still pink, hair a little messier than before. She let out this soft, embarrassed laugh.

“Okay, that stuff must’ve been uncomforta…”

The rest of her sentence died when I pulled her gently back against the wall. Her eyes widened. Then I kissed her again. Not soft this time. Not careful.

My hand slid to her waist, holding her there while my mouth found hers like I’d been thinking about this exact moment since the second she ran out of the room.

She let out a quiet groan against my lips, and the towel slipped from her hand, hitting the floor forgotten. Her arms came up around my neck, pulling me closer, and that was it.

That was all it took.

I kissed her deeper, slower one second, rougher the next, like all the control I’d been forcing on myself was finally cracking. Her fingers curled behind my neck, and the sound she made nearly undid me.

The day had started like complete shit. By all rights, it should’ve stayed that way. But like a switch flipping. one bad day turned into the best one I’d had in a long, long time.

Because Emery was in my arms.

And she was kissing me back.

10:40 Thu, Mar 26 C