I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 183

Chapter 183

Emery’s POV

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“Do you think they’re gonna like the gifts?” I asked Atlas as he pulled into Ford’s garage.

He opened his mouth to answer, but my panic ass beat him to it.

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“Shit,” I muttered, staring down at the gift bags in my lap. “I knew I should’ve gotten something better. Why the hell did I think a blanket and baby clothes were enough? What if they hate it? What if…”

“Em.”

Atlas’s voice cut through me gently.

I looked up.

He reached across the console and took my hand, his fingers warm and steady around mine. His thumb brushed over my knuckles once, slow and calm, and just like that, the storm in my chest eased a little.

That was the thing about Atlas Lawson.

One look.

One touch.

And somehow the world didn’t feel quite so loud anymore.

“It’s okay,” he said softly.

His gray eyes held mine, steady and sure.

“They’re gonna love whatever you got them,” he murmured. “But more than that? They’re gonna be happy you came.”

My shoulders loosened a little.

I nodded and let out a breath. “Yeah.”

A small smile touched my lips. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I know I am,” he said, mouth lifting.

I rolled my eyes, but I was already smiling harder.

He gave my hand one last squeeze. “Come on. Let’s go.

The second we stepped into Ford’s penthouse, I was hit with warmth.

Not just from the lighting or the smell of food or the music playing low in the background.

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Chapter 183

But from the life in it.

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(47),

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Ford’s place looked exactly how I imagined an NHL player’s penthouse would look if you gave it a heart. It was spacious, modern, expensive, yeah, but everywhere I looked, there were pieces of them. Framed pictures of Sam holding medals, Ford on the ice with his team, Sam laughing in one of those candid shots where her whole face lit up, and a dozen little pictures of the two of them together.

On vacations. At games. At some fancy event where Ford looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but, Sam looked gorgeous and smug enough for the both of them.

It made my chest ache in the best way.

They had each other.

And it was beautiful.

Atlas’s hand slid lightly to my waist, grounding me as he guided me farther inside.

“Lawson, my man!” Ford’s voice boomed through the room before I could even brace myself.

He came striding toward us with his usual wild energy, arms already open. He pulled Atlas into one of those hard, back-slapping guy hugs.

“For a second I thought you might…”

Then his eyes landed on me.

And just like that, all my calm disappeared. My stomach flipped. My mouth went dry.

“Ford… hi. Congratula….”

That was all I got out before he closed the distance between us and wrapped me up in a hug so big my feet actually left the floor.

“Emmy bear!”

A shocked laugh burst out of me. “Okay…okay, put me down, please.”

He did, but he was still grinning like he’d just found a winning lottery ticket.

“Damn,” he said, shaking his head as he looked me over. “Look at you. Out here killing it, as always.”

I laughed, cheeks warming. “You too, Ford.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He waved that off immediately. “Come on. Sam is gonna lose her mind.”

Before I could stop him, he was already steering us toward the living room with all the subtlety of a marching

band.

“Sammie, honey,” he called out loudly, “you are never gonna guess who came knocking.”

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Chapter 183

A familiar voice floated back.

“Please tell me it’s the take-out…”

Then Sam turned. And her eyes found mine.

She froze.

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She was wearing a beautiful red dress, fitted perfectly around her pregnant belly, her short brown hair styled softly around her face. Pregnancy looked ridiculous on her in the unfair way. She looked glowing and soft and so, so beautiful.

My throat tightened.

“Hi… Sam,” I said quietly.

She didn’t answer right away.

I watched a hundred emotions move through her face in the span of seconds. Shock. Hurt. Disbelief. Love. Anger. Relief.

It was all there. And God, I deserved every bit of it.

“Sam, I’m so…”

“Stop.”

The word made me go still. She stepped toward me, and for one terrifying second, I thought she was about to yell. Maybe she should have. Maybe it would’ve been easier. But instead, she pulled me into her arms.

“Don’t you ever ghost us like that again,” she said, her voice breaking against my shoulder.

That was it. The tears came instantly. I nodded into the hug, clinging back just as hard. “I won’t,” I whispered. “I won’t. Never again.”

Sam pulled back just enough to hold my shoulders and look at me, her eyes shiny too.

“I’m serious,” she said.

“I know.” My voice shook. “I know.”

“I swear, Ford, if you made Sam cry…”

I turned at the sound of that voice, and there they were.

Jazz and Howard. For a second, all I could do was stare. Then my face broke into a smile.

“Hi, guys.”

“Emery,” they both said at the same time, already moving toward me.

Chapter 183

And then they were all around me.

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Jazz first, then Howard, then Sam pulling back in, and suddenly I was swallowed in one big, messy hug.

It felt like college. It felt like late-night study sessions and takeout and loud laughter and being nineteen and stupid and loved…. It felt like coming home.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held onto them tighter, breathing through the warmth of it, through the ache in my chest, through the overwhelming relief that they were still here.

That somehow… after everything… they still wanted me here too.

When I opened my eyes, I looked up and saw Atlas standing a few feet away, watching me.

He was smiling.

Not big. Not flashy. Just that soft smile he got when he saw something that mattered to him. My heart squeezed. I smiled back through tears and mouthed, thank you.

His expression softened even more, like he understood exactly what I meant. And standing there in the middle of my friends, wrapped in their arms and their forgiveness and all the years we’d lost… I knew coming had been the right choice.

****

Ten years later, and somehow they were all still the same.

Ford and Jazz were arguing about God knows what, Sam was ignoring both of them while talking to Atlas, and Howard… my eyes found him, and he was staring back at me with a soft smile.

I smiled back.

A second later, He walked over and handed me a glass of wine.

“Thanks.”

He smiled. Looking at him now, he still looked the same in all the ways that mattered. Maybe there were a few faint lines at the corners of his eyes when he smiled, but if anything, they made him look better. His hair was slicked back, and in that black coat, he looked more like a CEO than a hockey player. He still had that same calm energy around him, too, the kind that made people relax without even realizing it.

“It feels kind of surreal being here,” I admitted.

Howard glanced around the room and smiled. “It’s really good to have you back. Em. The group hasn’t felt the same without you.”

That hit me harder than I expected.

I looked over at everyone again, my heart softening,

“So what’s been going on with you?” I asked.

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Chapter 183

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He gave a small shrug. “Honestly? The usual. Hockey, mostly. But I also started a training program for kids who want to get into hockey.”

My brows lifted. “Howard, that’s amazing.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, it’s been good.”

He took a sip of his drink, then nodded toward me. “What about you? You’ve been killing it. I feel like every time I walk past a magazine stand, your face is staring back at me.”

I laughed. “Okay, that was smooth.”

He smiled. “Wasn’t trying to be.”

I looked down at my glass, still smiling. “It’s been good. Busy. But good.”

He nodded once, then asked, casual but direct, “You seeing anyone?”

Oh.

My eyes lifted immediately and, like a traitor, found Atlas across the room.

He wasn’t talking to Sam anymore.

He was looking right at us.

“Well…” I started. “I…”

Howard followed my glance, then looked back at me. He gave the smallest nod, like something clicked into place.

“I see there’s still something there,” he said.

“What? No, I mean…it’s just…”

He laughed softly. “Relax, Em. I’m not judging you.”

I exhaled, but I was still flustered.

“At least now I know not to shoot my shot,” he added lightly.

My eyes widened. “Oh my God, Howard, I’m so…”

He cut me off with a grin. “I’m kidding. Mostly.” Then he took another sip of his drink. “I just got out of a messy breakup, so trust me, I’m not trying to make my life more complicated.”

My face softened. “I’m sorry.”

He gave a small shrug. “It is what it is.” Then his voice turned quieter, more sincere. “But for what it’s worth, Em… when it comes to love, do what makes you happy.”

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Chapter 183

I didn’t say anything for a second.

He held my gaze and added. “And whatever happens, just know we’ve got your back. Always.”

That one got me.

I smiled, really smiled this time. “Thanks, Howard. That means a lot.”

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He smiled back. “Can I get a hug, or is Atlas gonna shoot lasers out of his eyes and kill me where I stand? Because I’m way too young to die.”

I laughed and swatted his arm. “Oh, please.”

Then I pulled him into a hug.

He hugged me back for a second, warm and easy, then stepped away with one last smile before heading back toward Jazz. I turned and walked toward Atlas. The second our eyes met, I saw it.

That smile.

That quiet little spark in his eyes. Not forced. Not polite. Real. Like seeing me like this, laughing, relaxed, folded back into old friendships, did something to him. And for some reason, that made my chest squeeze.

“Hey there,” I said as I stopped in front of him.

His lips curved a little more. “Hi.”

His voice came out soft, almost careful, but his eyes never left mine. Not for a second. Then he asked, quiet enough that the others wouldn’t hear, “Are you happy?”

The question caught me off guard. Not because I didn’t know the answer. But because of the way he asked it… Like it mattered. Like my answer mattered to him more than anything else in that room.

I looked at him for a second, really looked at him, at the way he was standing there with one hand in his pocket, shoulders relaxed now, his whole face softer than it had been all week.

Then I nodded.

A small smile touched my lips first, then grew.

“Very happy.”

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