I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 182

Chapter 182

Emery’s POV

“Gia.”

“I’m fine.”

She was not fine.

Not even close.

42

355 vouchers

If anything, she was falling apart right in front of me and trying to smile through it like that somehow made it less obvious. She swayed on her stool and reached for another bottle of wine with all the determination of a woman making the worst possible choice on purpose. I leaned over and gently took it from her before she could grab it.

“Maybe that’s enough for tonight, G.”

“Em, I’m fine,” she slurred, stretching her hand out in the complete wrong direction, nowhere near where I was sitting. “Give it back.”

When Gia called me earlier, she’d been on the floor of her apartment in the middle of a full panic attack. Clothes were thrown everywhere, drawers half open, her breathing so bad I’d thought for a second she might

pass out.

Seeing her like that had cracked something in me. Because I knew that version of a woman. The one who felt like she was dying inside but still tried to keep her face straight so the world wouldn’t see how broken she really was.

Thanks to my long, extremely unwanted history with panic attacks, I knew how to help. I got her breathing under control. Got her grounded. Got her to take the pills her doctor gave her.

And then, because Gia was Gia, she insisted she was “totally better” and dragged me to a bar.

Now, four hours later, she was extremely drunk. And I was extremely worried.

“You’re never gonna guess what happened to me,” Gia said suddenly, already forgetting the wine. Her laugh came out loose and wrong, like it didn’t belong to the tears already shining in her eyes.

I turned toward her fully. “What happened?”

“The other day,” she said, pointing at me like she was telling me state secrets, “I was at Larson and guess

what?”

She laughed again, but this time it cracked in the middle.

“I…” Her mouth trembled. “I got a call from no other than…” She squinted like the word itself offended her. “I don’t even know what to call her. Mum? Mother? Mommy? Sonia?” She gave a bitter little shrug. “Whatever.

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 G …

Chapter 182

:

My chest tightened. Gia looked down at the bar top, blinking too hard.

42

55 vouchers

“She called me,” she said. “And I got excited.” Her laugh came out ugly this time. “So stupid, right? I thought maybe… after everything… maybe she felt bad.”

A tear slid down her cheek.

Then another.

“But boy was I wrong,” she whispered. “That bitch called me because she wanted a favor.”

Her voice wobbled, and she let out this broken little laugh that made my throat burn.

“And

guess

what I did?” she asked, looking up at me through tears. “I blocked her number.”

She laughed again, then wiped at her face with the back of her hand so fast it was almost angry.

“I’m a terrible daughter, aren’t I?”

“G…” I said softly, my heart breaking right there in my chest.

“Don’t,” she snapped.

I stopped.

She pointed at me with a shaking finger, eyes glassy and furious. “Don’t pity me, okay? I’m fine.”

She wiped at her tears again and forced the biggest, fakest smile I’d ever seen.

“So fine,” she said brightly, voice breaking on the word. I didn’t like the fact she kept saying those words, like she was trying to prove not just me but herself she was fine.

Then she twisted toward the bar and waved her hand.

“Waiter!” she yelled. “I need more wine!”

I opened my mouth, ready to stop her again, when the bar door swung open.

Rhys walked in.

Fast.

Like he’d gotten there in a hurry and hadn’t stopped breathing right since. His eyes found us immediately.

“Rhys,” I said, more relief in my voice than I meant to show.

Gia turned, her face twisting the second she saw him. “What are you doing here?!”

Rhys came closer, calm but tense, every part of him pulled tight. “Gia, let’s go.”

“No!” she yelled, loud enough that people nearby looked over. “Stay away from me.”

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 M …

Chapter 182

Then she turned on me.

“How could you call him?!”

:

42

EL 55 vouchers

“G,” I said, keeping my voice low even though my heart was racing, “we’re all worried about you, and this…” I looked at the bottles in front of her, then back at her face. “This isn’t helping.”

“Oh please,” she snapped, her words slurring around the edges. “I didn’t call you so you could act like my babysitter.”

That one stung. Still, I held my ground. Before I could answer, Rhys stepped in.

“Gia,” he said quietly.

His voice had changed. Gentler now. He crouched down in front of her so they were eye level, and that was when I really looked at him. He didn’t look good. There were dark circles under his eyes. His face looked tired, drawn out, like sleep had stopped visiting him. His eyes were swollen too, and suddenly the ache in my chest got worse. I knew Gia was hurting. But looking at Rhys then, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much he was carrying too.

“Gianna,” he said softly, using her full name like it meant something sacred. “Please.”

Her face crumpled a little.

“This isn’t gonna take the pain away,” he went on. “It’s only gonna make it worse.” He swallowed hard, his own voice roughening. “So I’m asking you… please come with me.”

Gia shut her eyes. For a second, I thought she was going to fight him again. Then her shoulders dropped. And slowly, she nodded.

Rhys stood and helped her up carefully, one arm around her waist, steadying her when she swayed. Gia didn’t fight him this time. She just leaned into him like she was too tired to keep pretending.

Then Rhys looked over at me.

“It’s fine,” he said. “I drove.”

I nodded.

He gave me a tired little look that was probably meant to be a smile. “Thanks, Em.”

Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, “Say hi to Atlas for me.”

I nodded again. “Get home safe.”

Gia lifted her head just enough to look at me. Her eyes were still red, her mascara a little messed up, but she managed a small smile.

“Night night, Emmy.”

That nearly broke me. Still, I smiled back like everything in me didn’t ache.

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 0 …

Chapter 182

“Night night, G.”

42

55 Vouchers

I stood there and watched until they were gone. Only then did I grab my bag, pay the bill, and head out to my car. The drive home felt too quiet. And all I could think about was how many women walked around smiling with their hearts in pieces.

By the time I got home, I was sure Atlas would be asleep. It was late. Way too late. The kind of late where the whole penthouse should’ve been dark and quiet and wrapped up in sleep. But the second I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, I looked up…

And there he was.

Walking toward me. My heart gave this stupid, soft little pull. He was wearing a T-shirt and sweats, hair slightly messy, face tired but awake. Like he’d been waiting.

“You should be in bed,” I said, my voice quieter than usual.

A small smile touched his mouth. “Couldn’t sleep.”

It was twelve in the morning. And he waited up. Something in my chest cracked a little at that.

“Are you…”

I didn’t let him finish.

I crossed the distance between us and threw my arms around him.

He caught me immediately, like he’d been ready for it, his hands sliding around me and pulling me in tighter.

I buried my face against his chest and breathed him in, my eyes squeezing shut as the ache I’d been carrying all night pressed hard against my ribs.

We stayed like that for a moment.

Just breathing. Just holding on.

Then Atlas pulled back enough to look at me, his hands still warm on my waist.

“Can I…” I swallowed. “Can I stay…”

“Yes.”

No hesitation. Not even a second.

I gave him a small smile, and when he held out his hand, I slipped mine into his. He laced our fingers together and led me quietly to his room.

After I changed into my pajamas, I climbed into his bed, and Atlas pulled me close like it was the most natural thing in the world. I curled into him automatically, my head settling on his chest, one arm draped over his stomach while I listened to the steady beat of his heart.

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 C …

Chapter 182

His hand moved slowly up and down my back.

Gentle.

Grounding.

Comforting in a way that made me feel embarrassingly close to tears.

“Gia’s really hurting,” I whispered into the quiet. “And it breaks my heart that I can’t fix it.”

42

55 vouchers

Atlas’s hand paused for a second, then kept moving. “Losing someone takes a lot out of you,” he said softly. “Especially when it’s someone you love.” He exhaled. “It’s gonna take time, Em. But she’ll be okay.”

I bit the inside of my cheek.

Because yeah. I knew a thing or two about loss. I lost my mom when I was twelve, and even at that age the pain had felt too big for my body. Too heavy. Like my chest had been cracked open and nobody told me how to close it again.

Missing someone you can never touch again… never hear again… never run to again… It was its own kind of torture. And the worst part?

I could barely remember her laugh now. That thought alone made something sharp twist inside me.

I’d made so many mistakes. Let go of people I should’ve held on to. Friends who made my teenage years. easier, brighter, less lonely.

And worst of all…

I lost Atlas.

Ten whole years.

Ten fucking years.

My throat tightened so fast it hurt. I bit my cheek harder, trying to keep it together, but the tears came anyway, quiet at first, then enough that Atlas felt it.

“Hey,” he said softly.

I lifted my head and looked at him. His eyes were warm, searching mine, his expression immediately shitting the second he saw my face.

My voice came out broken. “I’m sorry I left…”

“Em…”

“No.” I shook my head, and the tears spilled faster. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I said all those terrible things.” My mouth trembled. “I never meant them, Atlas.”

His face softened in a way that nearly undid me.

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 0 …

Chapter 182

:

42

55 vouchers

“I know,” he said, his thumb brushing under my eye, wiping away a tear so gently it made my chest ache worse. “I know.”

I swallowed hard.

“And I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for us.” His jaw tightened, just a little. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep coming back and telling you how much I love you.”

The words landed somewhere deep.

His thumb moved over my cheek again, slow and careful.

“But that’s the past,” he murmured. “And now…” He held my gaze. “Now we focus on us.”

A shaky breath left me.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

My voice was barely there.

“Yeah,” I whispered again. “I’ll focus on us.”

That made him smile-small, soft, almost relieved. Then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes and let myself sink back into him, into the warmth of him, into the quiet of his room and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat under my ear.

We stayed like that for a while.

Close.

Quiet.

My breathing finally started to even out. But after a minute, another thought slipped into my head. I lifted it before I could talk myself out of it.

“I’ll go.”

Atlas’s hand stopped on my back.

“What?”

I pulled back just enough to look at him. “Sam and Ford’s baby shower.” I wiped at the last dampness on my cheek and gave him a small, tired sinile. “I want to go.”

10:41 Thu, Mar 26 M …