I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Atlas POV

Why the hell did I say yes?

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Maybe it was the way her voice cracked when she said she felt broken.

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Or maybe it was the look in her eyes, like she’d been holding her breath for too long, like letting me in was her last resort.

Or maybe I’m just a goddamn idiot when it comes to her.

Because one second I’m telling myself, don’t do it, be the mature guy, don’t make it worse, and the next, I’m standing in the kitchen telling her, “Let’s do it.”

Now here we are, awkward as hell. My pulse was hammering, but on the outside, I looked calm. That’s the thing about me, I can be dying inside and still sit there like stone. I glanced at her. She was sitting at the edge of her bed, legs crossed, one hand unconsciously tugging at the hem of her dress. Her knuckles were white, her foot tapping the floor like she was fighting herself.

Yeah, she was nervous. Just as nervous as me.

And that’s saying something.

When it comes to sex, I’ve never been the guy who hesitates. I’ve never overthought it. Never been shy. Usually, it’s easy. Straightforward. No strings. But this? Sitting here with Emery? I felt like a robot whose system glitched out. My body wanted to move, to touch her, but my brain kept screaming don’t screw this up. We agreed this was a one-time thing. Her words, not mine. A fix. A way to “get it over with.” I was supposed to give her what she wanted…an orgasm. Just that.

So why the hell did it feel like more?

I turned toward her. “Hey,” I said quietly, my voice lower than I meant, “before we begin… I just want to make sure you’re certain about this.”

Her

gaze snapped to me, and then she smiled, nervous but playful. “For the hundredth time, yes. I’m not chickening out. Or are you?” She tilted her head, teasing now, her lips twitching into a smirk. “I mean, I would understand why you would chicken out… you’re dealing with a godde…”

Her words cut off when I slid closer, my hand finding her waist. I tugged her toward me, firm but gentle. Her eyes went wide, lips parting in surprise, her breath catching like I’d stolen it from her lungs.

“There’s something you should know about me, Collins,” I murmured, leaning in close enough that my breath fanned across her mouth. A smile curved my lips. “I don’t chicken out.”

Her throat bobbed, pupils blown wide.

I let my gaze drop to her lips, linger there a beat too long, then lifted my head just enough to meet her eyes again.

14:50 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 30

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“Lie down,” I whispered, my voice rougher this time.

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Her lips parted like she wanted to argue, or maybe tease me again, but she didn’t. Instead, she slowly leaned back against her bed, eyes never leaving mine, her chest rising and falling quick like she was trying to catch her breath. And that was all the invitation I needed.

I looked down at her, stretched out on her bed, her chest rising and falling so fast it was like she’d just finished a race. The playful spark that was always in her green eyes? Gone. In its place…darkness, heat, hunger.

Fuck. She’d never looked at me like that before.

Slowly, I moved over her, caging her in, straddling her hips. My hand brushed the side of her waist, firm but careful, as I bent low, close enough for her breath to hit my lips.

I smirked, voice low against her ear. “All my life I’ve known you, Collins. Never have I seen you this obedient.” My mouth ghosted her skin, lips brushing her throat. “Is this some kind of kink?”

Her sharp inhale hit me first, then the sound. That soft, breathy moan that made my cock twitch instantly.

Her cheeks flamed pink. “No…I…I don’t,” she tried, voice stuttering, trying to deny it.

I chuckled against her neck, my tongue dragging slowly down her skin, tasting her. “It’s okay to have a bedroom kink, Goldie. Everyone does.”

“For the last time, Lawson, I don’t have a…”

I swallowed the rest of her words with a kiss. A soft one at first, like testing water, but it shifted fast, hungry, messy, fucking addictive.

Her lips parted when I demanded it. “Open your mouth, Emery,” I breathed against her lips, and she did, without hesitation.

Yeah. So much for not having a kink.

We kissed like we’d been starved for years, rolling, pulling, grabbing. One second, I was above her, the next she had me flat against the bed, her hair falling like a curtain around us. And then I flipped us again, desperate to feel her pinned beneath me.

My hand brushed the zipper at the front of her light blue dress, temptation sparking. One tug, that’s all it would take to have it gone. The thought had my blood pumping harder. Would she gasp and shove me away? Or would she arch into me, letting me take it further?

Fuck, I wanted to know.

The kiss broke, both of us breathing rough, lips swollen, chests rising and falling like we’d been sprinting. I let my eyes roam her face, then leaned down again, my lips brushing her ear. My voice came out rough, commanding. “I’m going to suck on this pretty neck of yours. And I need you to tell me what makes you feel good. Do you understand?”

Her wide green eyes locked on me, her lips parting, her throat bobbing as she swallowed hard.

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