I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Emery’s POV

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Atlas still didn’t give me a damn answer.

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After class, he walked out like I didn’t exist, like we hadn’t just had an awkwardly intense convo in the middle of Econ. And of course, that happened to be the only class we shared. Perfect. By the end of the day, I was mentally fried, annoyed as hell, and low-key disgusted with myself. Like, seriously? Was I really the girl who begged a guy for sex in the middle of lecture hall 3B?

Apparently, yes.

When I got back to the apartment, I wasn’t even surprised to see him there. Just sitting on the couch like he hadn’t ghosted me the entire day.

“Hey,” he said with that stupid smile, like nothing had happened.

I didn’t answer. Didn’t even look at him. Just walked straight to my room, shut the door, and locked it. I needed a break. A long, hot shower and maybe some deep breathing so I wouldn’t stab him with a spoon.

After what felt like forever and one aggressive meditation playlist later, I finally came out to grab a drink. And of course. There he was. In the kitchen. Leaning against the counter like the world’s hottest inconvenience. I walked past him without a word and poured myself a glass of water. My hand gripped the glass a little too tight, knuckles white. I could feel his eyes on me.

“Emery,” he said quietly. “Look, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I get why you’d be mad…”

I slammed the glass on the counter.

“No, you don’t,” I snapped, spinning to face him. My heart was racing and my chest was tight. “You have no freaking idea what I’m going through.”

His jaw tensed. But he didn’t say anything.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve hooked up with tons of girls in Linchester,” I continued, stepping toward him. “So why is it so hard to hook up with me?”

There. I said it.

He exhaled, jaw tight. Then he said it.

“Maybe because you’re a virgin.”

I froze. His eyes softened, like he regretted saying it, but it was out there. My throat tightened. Part of me wanted to snap at him, but another part, god help me, felt touched.

“So what? You don’t want to be the asshole who ruins me?” I asked, voice smaller than I meant it to be.

He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “I just don’t wanna be that guy. You deserve more than some

14:49 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 29

random hookup.”

I bit my lip, my anger cooling into something rawer.

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“Atlas, I appreciate the concern for my virginity, really. But I’m not a kid. I know what I asked you for. I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t high. I meant it. I want this.”

His eyes locked on mine, unreadable, like he was trying to decide if I was bluffing.

“Sex isn’t like kissing, Emery,” he said finally, voice low. “It’s… different. It’s deeper.”

I swallowed hard. My fingers tightened around the edge of the counter.

“I know that. But for me… this isn’t about falling in love or fairy tale bullshit. It’s about one night. Just one. I need it because…”

My chest squeezed, the words clogging my throat. Screw it. No more dancing around.

I met his eyes head-on, my voice dropping to a whisper.

“Because I can’t finish…I can’t…orgasm. Not since that night with you.”

His whole body stilled.

“Emery…” His voice was rough, like he didn’t know what to do with the information.

I shook my head, heat flooding my cheeks.

“I’ve tried. God, I’ve tried. And it’s like my body doesn’t respond anymore unless it’s you. And it’s screwing me up. I can’t focus. I can’t swim. I feel… broken.”

My chest rose and fell fast. My throat was dry, but I kept going.

“So if this is you trying to protect me, fine. But don’t stand there and act like you know what I’m going through. You don’t.”

I didn’t give him time to respond. I turned on my heel and walked straight to my room, praying to God he didn’t follow. Thank God he didn’t. The second I shut the door behind me, my legs gave out, and I dropped onto the bed like dead weight. Face first.

Should I feel embarrassed?

Probably.

Maybe I would after my brain rebooted.

But not tonight. Tonight, I was officially clocking out of the disaster that was my life. I was emotionally drained, sexually frustrated, and my pride was somewhere in a gutter.

So I rolled over, hugged my pillow like it owed me rent, and let sleep drag me under.

14:50 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 29

BEEP BEEP. BEEP. BEE-

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I slapped my alarm so hard I was pretty sure I’m gonna need a new alarm clock. Eyes crusty, hair a tangled mess, and throat as dry as the Sahara, I dragged myself out of bed like a horror movie extra. I scratched my arm, shuffled down the hallway in my oversized T-shirt and socks like a half-dead grandma in need of caffeine and therapy.

And then, I saw him.

Atlas.

Of course.

Leaning against the kitchen counter in a plain gray T-shirt and black sweatpants, looking like some hot sports model without even trying. Ha! Where’s the fairness in that? His hair was slightly damp, like he’d already showered after a run, and there was a sheen of sweat glistening on his forearms.

I immediately averted my eyes.

Nope.

I walked past him like he was furniture, grabbed a glass, and chugged water like I hadn’t tasted it in decades. When I finally exhaled and turned around, he was staring at me with that unreadable expression of his. Calm. Soft. Careful.

I squinted at the microwave clock. “What time is it?” I mumbled, still half-asleep.

“Almost seven.”

Ugh…

I turned, ready to zombie-walk back to my room and pretend he didn’t exist.

But then…

“Emery.”

His voice stopped me in my tracks. I paused. Slowly turned back around. He stepped closer. His hand reached out, fingers brushing mine, then curling gently around them like he was testing the water. I blinked at him, confused. My brows furrowed.

“Let’s do it,” he said quietly.

…What?

I stared at him, brain lagging.

“Sure. Whatever,” I muttered sleepily, not even processing the words.

And I walked back to my room like a zombie on autopilot.

14:50 Tue, Dec 30

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