I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Atlas POV

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I stared down at the mess I’d made. My pants were somewhere on the floor, and I was now wearing clean shorts, though barely holding onto what little self-control I had left.

Shit. I came hard. Again. In my damn sweats. Like some hormonal teenager who just discovered the magic of skin-on-skin contact.

All thanks to Emery Collins.

Even now, the memory of her soft moans, her breath hitching when I moved just right, was playing on loop in my head. I had to mentally recite the laws of demand and supply just to keep myself from getting hard again.

If I was being honest with myself… I liked this… Whatever this was. I liked her in my arms.

Liked hearing the breathy little sounds she made when she was close. Liked how her fingers curled in my hair. Liked that smug little smile she gave me after, like she knew she wrecked me.

And yeah…I wanted more.

I wanted to hold her.

To kiss her again.

To sit up late watching Netflix, study beside her at two a.m., maybe make out between flashcards.

I groaned and scrubbed a hand down my face.

You can’t want that, Atlas, the voice in my head said.

And then my phone beeped, the reason why I shouldn’t, staring back at me.

Mum

I opened it. A cute, funny video of a baby giraffe trying to walk, wobbling on its legs before collapsing face- first.

I chuckled, lips tugging into a real smile. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, then I typed back a laughing emoji with:

“Me after leg day ”

I slipped the phone back into my pocket and ran both hands through my hair, dragging them down my face as I looked at myself in the mirror above the hallway table. My eyes were still dark, my hair a mess. I looked like someone who’d just had the best dry orgasm of his life, and the worst identity crisis right after.

“Get your shit together, Lawson,” I muttered under my breath.

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Chapter 35

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Then I squared my shoulders, took a steadying breath, and stepped out to find her. When I walked into the dining room, I froze for a second.

There she was… Emery Collins, in tiny black shorts and a slanted black crop top that slipped off her left shoulder, giving me just the slightest tease of skin. Her golden hair was tossed up in a messy bun, strands falling around her face like she didn’t even try to look that good… and yet, she looked unreal.

She smiled at me, casual and warm, like we hadn’t just dry-humped the life out of each other on my couch.

My heart did a goddamn somersault.

Stay cool, Lawson. Breathe.

She closed the fridge, two cold cans in her hand, then slid one across the table toward me without missing a beat.

I caught it mid-air, grinning. “A drink for my energy? You saying I earned it?”

She rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of pink climbing her cheeks. “Please. You looked like you were about to pass out.”

I caught it with a grin. “A drink for my efforts?”

She gave me a smug look. “A drink for your energy. Thought you might need to recharge.”

I raised a brow. “Are you implying we’re going for another round?”

She rolled her eyes, but her cheeks definitely pinked. “Please. You’d pass out before I did.”

I laughed, popping the can open, Mountain Dew. She took the stool across from me and cracked open a Dr Pepper, of course.

“I could’ve sworn you were a Dr Pepper guy in high school,” she said, glancing up at me.

I shook my head. “Never been into it. Tastes like flat cherry cough syrup.”

“Huh. I must be terrible at remembering stuff.”

“Nah,” I said with a half-smile, taking a sip. “You just didn’t give a shit about me.”

She looked up at that, surprised, and maybe a little guilty.

“That’s not true.”

“Em,” I said, taking another swig. “I was literally the bane of your existence. You hated me.”

Her smile widened. “Yeah, okay. You did piss me off. A lot. We were basically academic rivals and sworn

enemies.”

I grinned. “Were. Past tense. Meaning we’re not anymore?”

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Chapter 35

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She rolled her eyes and sipped her drink, trying to hide her smile. “Well… yeah. You give me mind-blowing orgasms now, so I can’t exactly stay mad at you.”

I choked on my drink, coughing into my elbow as I laughed. “Wow. I should thank my dick for its service.”

“You really should,” she said, smirking behind her can. “He’s doing amazing work.”

I was still laughing, shaking my head, cheeks sore from smiling too much. The room soon fell into a comfortable silence, then she said. “We need to talk about our makeout situation.”

I froze. My grip on the Mountain Dew can tightened.

Shit.

Was this her way of saying it was a mistake? That it went too far?

But I didn’t let any of that show. I forced a lazy shrug, leaned back in my chair, and gave her the best poker face I could manage.

“Okay,” I said, voice calm. “Let’s talk.”

She crossed her legs under the table, hands fidgeting slightly with the hem of her shorts, something she always did when she was trying to sound chill but was actually overthinking.

“I think we should set some ground rules,” she said, tapping her fingers against the can.

I nodded slowly, lifting the drink to my lips. “I’m listening.”

She took a breath, then gestured between us with a casual flick of her fingers. “This thing…whatever it is…it’s just for pleasure. Physical. Nothing deep. I need you to help me figure out my… orgasm situation.”

I raised a brow, fighting a smirk. Her whole orgasm situation. Yeah. Got it.

“And if you need a little release,” she continued, “and your usual booty calls aren’t around, I’m your girl. Also, this doesn’t stop us from hooking up with other people. ‘

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That should’ve made me laugh. Should’ve made this easier. But all I could think about was the idea of her in someone else’s arms, someone else making her laugh, making her moan, and it made my stomach twist like I’d downed a bad protein shake.

“And,” she continued with a small smirk, “You don’t have to worry about hiding your lady friends or anything. Just-if you’re bringing someone over, give me a heads up so I don’t have to witness another Red Hair 2.0 situation.”

I let out a low chuckle, masking the jealousy boiling under my skin.

“Don’t worry,” I said, my voice calm. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone else.”

She blinked. “Wait, really?”

I nodded, leaning back on the counter with a sip of my drink. “Since the day you walked in on me and Kay.”

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Chapter 35

Her eyes widened. “Wait! You’re serious…SERIOUS???”

“Dead serious.”

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“Shit,” she breathed, shifting in her seat. “Is that because of me? Like… do you feel bad bringing girls around or something? Because, I mean, I might tease you, but I really don’t care if you-”

“Em,” I cut in gently, my eyes meeting hers. “This has nothing to do with you.”

Lie.

Big, fucking lie.

But she didn’t need to know that.

“It’s just… school’s been busy. Practice, assignments. I’m not just a hockey player, remember? I’m also a nerd.”

She let out a laugh. “Yeah. A big one.”

“I tend to be big everywhere,” I said without missing a beat.

Her lips parted, cheeks instantly flushing. Her gaze dropped, unintentionally, to my shorts, then snapped back up to my face as she quickly sipped her drink like it could wash away the heat climbing her neck.

I chuckled. “So, any other rules I should be aware of?”

“Oh, right.” She leaned back, tapping the can against her knee. “One more. We can’t fall in love. That would be… weird.”

She laughed, but I didn’t.

My heart clenched. But I still smiled, of course. That’s what I was good at, hiding shit behind grins and dumb jokes.

“Yeah,” I said with a shrug. “Totally. Our parents are literally dating. That’d be… messed up.”

“Exactly.”

“Anything from you?” she asked, tilting her head, her voice soft but curious,

I rested my forearms on the table, the can of Mountain Dew still cool against my palm. My throat was a little dry, but I nodded once. “Yeah. Just one,”

She leaned in slightly, brows raised in anticipation.

“We can’t have sex.”

Her face didn’t change much, just a knowing smile curling at her lips. “I know. It has to be special and all. Atlas, I get it.”

I gave a small smile, pretending to stay cool as I brought the drink to my mouth.

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Chapter 35

But then…

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She said something that almost made me choke mid-sip.

“But what if… I want it to be you?”

I coughed, barely stopping myself from spitting the drink out.

“W-what?” I managed, eyes widening as I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth.

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Emery was watching me, her expression unreadable, except for that glimmer of vulnerability in her eyes, like she wasn’t sure if she’d crossed a line.

She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What if you’re the guy I trust so well to take it? Would that… would that be an exception?”

My whole body tensed. I should’ve said no. That was the right thing to say, right?

The smart thing.

The gentleman thing.

The safe thing.

But looking at her, really looking at her, with her wide, honest eyes and slightly trembling fingers wrapped around that can of Dr Pepper, I lost all sense of logic.

She was serious. Nervous, but serious. And the fact that she trusted me with that part of her…

God, it did something to me. I swallowed hard. My throat felt tight. My chest ached with something I didn’t have a name for yet. Then, somehow, the word slipped out of me before I could stop it.

“Yes.”

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14:51 Tue, Dec 30