I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Emery’s POV

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My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it might punch straight out of my chest. My lips were dry, my throat tighter than it should be, and my core… yeah, let’s just say Niagara Falls had nothing on me right now.

And my hand…my freaking hand, was on Atlas’s dick. Correction: Atlas’s hard dick.

Okay, pause.

Here’s the thing: I’ve literally had one boyfriend in my entire life, Kevin the Snake. We made out plenty of times, sure. Did I give him a blowjob? Once. Did I know what the hell I was doing? Absolutely not.

So why on earth did I have to open my stupid mouth and ask Atlas why he didn’t let me touch him? Why?

Curiosity? Horniness? A full-blown mental breakdown?

I had no idea.

All I knew was that right now, I really wanted to feel him. To really wrap my hand around him.

But nerves clawed at me. What if I pressed too hard? What if I messed it up? What if I wasn’t enough?

“Emery,” Atlas said, his voice strained, rough, like he was fighting for air. His face was flushed, lips parted, jaw clenched. His eyes were half-lidded, dark, fixed on me like I was the only thing keeping him alive. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, um…” My voice cracked embarrassingly, my mind completely blank.

He groaned, the sound raw. “Shit… did I freak you out?”

“What? No!” The words flew out of me, way too fast. I panicked, and my hand instinctively tightened around him.

His whole body jolted. “Fuck,” he groaned, head falling back against the couch, Adam’s apple straining as he swallowed hard. His chest rose and fell like he’d just finished a sprint.

“Sorry,” I squeaked, my face burning, I yanked my hand away so fast it was like I’d been caught stealing. My cheeks were on fire, my nails dug into my own palms to stop the shaking.

Atlas’s head lolled to the side, his lashes low, breaths heavy. For a second, neither of us spoke. His hand twitched on his thigh like he was holding himself back.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, biting down hard on my lip, not sure if I should apologize again or just run for the hills. My chest felt tight, my pulse wild, my whole body buzzing from one single moment.

God. What was I even doing?

“You okay?”

14:51 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 34

70

55 vouchers

“Yeah, but um…” I closed my eyes, heat flooding my cheeks. Screw it. I might as well admit it. “My BJ skills aren’t exactly… mind-blowing. And I might seem clumsy.”

When I opened my eyes, Atlas was already looking at me-really looking. His mouth curved into a grin, that stupid dimple flashing.

“Emery,” he said, his voice low, teasing but steady. “Do I look like I give a shit about that?”

“But…”

I didn’t even get the rest out because he was already taking my hand. My breath caught. His fingers wrapped around mine, firm but gentle, guiding them down into his sweats. My skin burned. My stomach flipped. My lips parted, but no sound came out. And then I felt him.

Hard. Hot. Heavy.

A strangled gasp tore out of me, but Atlas didn’t stop. His hand stayed over mine, moving us together in a slow stroke.

“Atlas…” I whispered, my eyes flicking to his face.

His head tipped back against the couch, eyes squeezing shut, lips parted as a groan rolled out of him. “Fuck,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling fast. “Just like that.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t look away. His face was flushed, jaw tight, throat working as his head leaned back like he was about to lose himself.

Heat flared all over me. My hand tingled under his, and it hit me…I was the one doing this to him.

Soon, he let go, his hand slipping away, leaving mine to keep going. My breath caught, panic and thrill colliding. But I kept moving. I tightened my grip just slightly, finding a rhythm, and when his hips bucked into my hand, my pulse shot through the roof.

“Yes… just like that,” Atlas groaned, his voice rough and broken, every word vibrating against my skin. His eyes stayed shut, head falling back, but his hands gripped the couch like he was holding on for dear life.

I stared at him, lips parted, chest rising and falling. My face burned. My core ached. My entire body was trembling, but I didn’t stop.

Maybe it was because a part of me didn’t want to disappoint him. Maybe it was because I wanted…needed…to prove to myself that I wasn’t as hopeless as I thought.

I sped up, my strokes more confident.

“Shit, yes,” he groaned, his voice deeper now, raw. “God, Emery… you’re doing so fucking good. Just like that.”

My whole body clenched at the sound of my name on his lips. I could feel him throbbing in my hand, my own breath hitching, pupils blown wide. My heart pounded so fast it hurt. And then his eyes snapped open. Dark. Hungry. Locked on me.

I froze under the weight of his stare.

14:51 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 34

He reached down, wrapping his fingers gently around my wrist, stilling my hand.

“S-stop,” he rasped, his chest heaving.

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I jerked my hand back, stunned, my own pulse racing. I watched, silent, as he tucked himself back into his sweats, his movements sharp, controlled, like he was reining himself in.

My lips parted, but I couldn’t form words.

Then his gaze cut back to me. His eyes burned with something I couldn’t name, his jaw set, his voice hoarse.

“Get on me.”

My breath stuttered. “Wh-what?”

Atlas leaned back against the couch, spreading his legs just slightly, his hands resting on his thighs like he was ready-waiting. His gaze never left mine.

“Emery,” he said again, firmer this time. “Get. On. Me.”

That’s all it took. One look. One command. And suddenly, I’m straddling Atlas Lawson like it’s the most natural thing in the world, even though my body is screaming.

My shorts are thin. Too thin. And I’m… soaking. Atlas’s hands slid up my thighs, steady and sure, until they settled on my hips. His grip tightens just slightly, and then-God-he guided me.

“Shit, Atlas…” I gasped, my voice breaking as I ground against him.

“I know…” he groaned, the sound low and deep in my ear.

We move together. Slow at first. His eyes were shut, his brows furrowed like he was trying to keep it together. My head fell forward against his shoulder as my hips rolled on instinct, chasing the friction. Each movement made me shake.

We’re literally just dry humping. That’s it. And yet—

I felt like I was seeing stars.

His cock was hard. Massive. Thick even through the layers of fabric. And I could feel every ridge of it as I moved.

Just how good would the real thing feel?

My thoughts vanish as Atlas leans in and kisses me.

Hard. Desperate.

I moaned into his mouth, my fingers tangling in his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan again. The pace picks up. Our breaths become ragged. I’m trembling in his lap, barely holding on.

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